Disquietude

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1078
Reviews 10
There’s not much to talk about today,
It’s one of those times
Of idle Silence.
Not awkward silence, no,
But Silence.

I wonder if you understand
How loud that Silence rings in my ears,
How much I dislike it.
Truthfully, I’m not bored.
It’s just something to say
To fill the space
To incite a response.

Silence.

What’s wrong?
Nothing, nothing’s wrong.
It’s just one of those times.

The minutes tick away –
Forty-five minutes gone by and still,

Silence.

We should get off the phone.
My finger inches reluctantly towards the off button,
And even as I push the button down
I feel a strange regret,
Along with that constant ardent longing.
No, you probably don’t understand.

But I miss you.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 4494
Reviews 123
This poem reminds me sitting in the family room with my family, me off to the side, them on the couch, watching T.V., talking, laughing, with me still to the side. I kind of feel a connection to the narrator's dislike of the constant silence, yet not minding it completely. I really liked reading this poem mostly because of that connection.

Other than a few rhythm problems that seemed a little bumpy to me, this is well-written poem, and I'm sure that if you just went over it again and read it aloud and figured out where things felt as if they hit a chink in the chain, then most any problems (at least ones that I see) will be solved. I hope my review helped in anyway, and as always, keep writing!
I'm striving to be the Architect of the Apocalypse, Master of the Massacre, Ruler of the Rapture, and the Führer of the Fatal.

"It is the tale, not he who tells it." --Stephen King

Take THAT, society!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1177
Reviews 15
I relate a lot to this poem. Silence does hurt sometimes, and I always regret being the first to hang up.
Even though the rythm is a bit bumpy, it adds to the emotion and I like it- whether it was intentional or not!

MissMadHatter
~Trovare un amico e` trovare un tesoro~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2218
Reviews 297
I love this line:
But I miss you.
It's definitely my favorite. This poem is very good. I like it a lot. Your very good at writing poems!!

Keep writing!
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1682
Reviews 57
This poem has a very odd rhythm, but I like it. Everyone can relate to this whether it's about a friend, family member, or lover..

This poem really personifies that silence that takes place in those times where no one has anything to say, and I think it's safe to say that everyone hates it.
"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery!" - Jane Austen



Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour