The Sun.

And again! Another weather poem! I hope you enjoy it!

I love it! I find it an unusual change from the more popular poetry topics to a more interesting and individual
substitute I found myself compelled to read more into it and that was one of the reasons i really enjoyed it.

Great work From Me

I like it It has a cheerful feel to it. I'm definitely missing the sun too this winter, which makes me appreciate your poem all the more. I'm a bit confused by the phrase "Californian tones" though...

I really love this, and I am not usually one for rhyming poetry. The use of parallel structure was great, and so was the language.

My favorite stanza is definitely the fourth, "But Californian tones you soften". Very clever choice of words.
Bravo keep writing !

Mikko wrote:

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
You watch us all day,
And hear what we say.
Nothing to say about this line, I like it.

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
We work through your heat,
With the rays you beat.
There is something that irks me about the last line here, but I can't really quite put my finger on it. I don't really feel it flowing from the line before it as smoothly as it could.

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
Behind the clouds you hide,
In(space)front of you they ride.
The two lines seem almost redundant.

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
Londoners don't see you often,
But Californian tones you soften.
I like the content of this stanza, but in light of the length of the others it feels a little bit long. It interrupts the flow of the poem,

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
How we need your warming glitter,
Through this winter, so bitter!
I like this stanza. I do feel like the last line could use an extra syllable.

Sun, Sun,
Oh golden Sun!
Though we never thank you,
Know that we love you.
The rhythm drops back to the way it felt at the beginning of the poem. I like the content.

I loved the words you used. It is fast paced, which feels right for the description, but the rhythm felt a little weird to me in some places, and that slowed the poem down. So really, the rhythm is my only real gripe (but I'm someone who likes rhythmically balanced poetry). I could force the rhythm to follow the words when I went back and read it a second time through, to follow the way the fourth stanza is, but I feel like forced rhythm takes away from the beauty since you hang onto words for too long.

That's a simple but nostalgic romantic poem though biased geographically (not general) but partially gives general attribute. You can write better if emotional. Nice one, lol.