The Love flu

The doctor says,
i have an infection,
that i'm taken over by affection,
for you.

I can't imagine my life without you,
everyday i hope to meet you,
i'm stung with the love flu,
the incurable one that too.

I know you are the one,
because you give me more hope than the rising sun,
you're the one who completes my soul,
without you i'm just part of a whole.

Awe, that's adorable I suspect not a lot of guys my age write romantic poetry like this.

Now, look, I'm no poetry expert so I can't really criticize, however, this one line I don't really get:

the incurable one that too.

Maybe "that" wasn't supposed to be in the line? I don't know... it just didn't sound right...

And, one more thing...

I know you are the one,
because you give me more hope than the rising sun,

I would drop the "because," it isn't really necessary.

It's pretty good, I think... I could probably do no better, but like I said, I'm not an expert.

--
TabbyGirl

Hello there

To be honest, there is nothing really special about this poem. It's very plain and simple. I think the only commendable thing about it is the fact that the words seem very genuine and real, but as for originality and uniqueness, I've actually seen this before.
In your first stanza, I liked the use of "infection" and "affection"; that as a nice touch.
Keep writing, this was really sweet

I like the idea, I find the poem nice. But I just don't understand the rhyming pattern.
The first stanza goes abbc
the second goes aaaa
the third goes aabb
I don't know, maybe you did on purpose.
But keep writing I liked the idea...

NeoAnderson wrote:The doctor says,
I have an infection,
that I'm taken over by affection,
for you.

I can't imagine my life without you,
everyday I hope to meet you,
I'm stung with the love flu,
the incurable one that too. That doesn't sound right. Try re-wording.

I know you are the one,
because you give me more hope than the rising sun,
you're the one who completes my soul,
without you I'm just part of a whole.

That was a cute poem.
Onto the errors...
When there's an "I" it always needs to be capitalized.
~Ladypurple