Durallia

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Just three purple caril, Kara thought as she brushed through the tall grass and towards the edge of the woods. The sun behind her felt warm still even though it was late in the day.
It will be alright, she said to herself again and again. Nothing would harm her as long as she did not go into the woods and as long as she did not stay too long.

She slowed, hearing nothing except her breathing which seemed to fill the silence. She sighed and murmured to herself, “I should go back…”

A branch snapped behind her. Her soft shoes made twin swirls in the dirt as she spun. Nothing. She whipped her head in the opposite direction to make sure that she was alone. She was.

Her heart pounded in her chest with the sound of a thousand horses. She placed her hand over her chest as if to slow the stampede. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and calmed herself. I must be swift.

She moved along and soon she spotted a familiar purple petal. Blooming velvet roses covered the roots of a huge oak bordering the sinister forest. She smiled and went to them. Pushing her dress aside, she bent low and pulled at them. They did not come out willingly. She grunted with another effort. They remained stubborn.

A crack rent the silence. Her heart nearly stopped and the breath halted in her throat. A rasping breath could be heard beyond the darkness. Slowly, she lifted her eyes. A shadow loomed between the trees. Her body went completely rigid. A sob caught in her throat. Sending a glance to the sky she saw the last rays of the sun disappear behind the mountain.
Last edited by Tyler on Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Well, this was pretty short, but interesting none the less... I suppose it was, like, a prologue?

Just three purple caril, Kara thought brushed through the tall grass and towards the edge of the woods.


There was something wrong with this sentance... you probably just dropped a word or two accidentally...

She slowed. She could hear nothing except her breathing which seemed to fill the silence.


Maybe I'm wrong here, but those "She"s seem awfully close together... could it, perhaps, be reworded, "She slowed, and could hear nothing except her breathing which seemed to fill the silence," or something more like that?

Her heart pounded in her chest with the sound of a thousand horses. She placed her hand over her chest as if to slow the stampede.


I really liked that :)

I read the plot and it sounds really great! I'd love to hear more,

--
TabbyGirl




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Hey there, you caught me in a rare mood....I don't normally review fantasy but this caught my fancy.
Very well written, great job!
I could picture the calm of her surroundings perfectly and then the tenseness as it crept in when the first branch snapped. Gave me the chills ;)
Overall, very descriptive and lots of detail which I love. Interesting story, I'd like to see more of it!
-day
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." ~courtesy of one of history's funniest men, Groucho Marx. ^_^



Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief