From 42nd to Lexington (Three Pronged Contest Entry)

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d@ydre@mer27
Gender Female
Points 4996
Reviews 107
Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:30 am
d@ydre@mer27 says... · Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:30 am
Haha, this was great!
It was original and very unpredictable, I had no idea where the heck you were going with this but I didn't care because it was so ridiculous and entertaining!
I really don't have any nitpicks about this, great job!
-day
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." ~courtesy of one of history's funniest men, Groucho Marx. ^_^
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TheWalkinDude
Gender Male
Points 4494
Reviews 123
Wed Dec 22, 2010 5:57 am
TheWalkinDude says... · Wed Dec 22, 2010 5:57 am
Great job on this little one-shot, dude! Great little piece you got here. My main concern is that going from man to stranger back and forth is confusing. Half the time I didn't know who was who. Maybe somewhere in the beginning you can add some dialogue that presents their names to at least the reader if not each other. Other than that, this is pretty good. I like the foreshadow about one being a cop you've got there.
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