Heaven Tells Me...

When the Pearly Gates will not let them pass
And the flames of Hell are out of their grasp
The dark world of Limbo's shore awaits them

Blind Poltergeist
Unholy demon
Underneath the heaven cloud
Await further-no longer!-
For here I come in my white gown

"A finger touch away, my dear,
A finger touch away!"

A virgin was I
A innocent soul
Whose never hurt a mortal, no
But has gone still and cold
By the hate I felt among them

A ring around my pretty neck
A trip and I snap it, yes
Here I come
Damned to stay forever
Lost and all alone

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

Never was I a holy being
A person of holy meaning
And God's great angels are above me singing

"A finger touch away, my dear
"A finger touch away!"

Now I sit here all alone
A blind poltergeist forever to roam
The Limbo shore I call my home

Lost among them-here I am!-
Underneath the heaven cloud
A subject to my own crown

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

nice avatar!

When the Pearly Gates will not let them pass
And the flames of Hell are out of their grasp
The dark world of Limbo's shore awaits them Them? Who's them? Also, I'd like if this stanza expanded a little more, because it didn't feel fully developed and looking it over a second time I just wasn't a fan of where it ended.

Blind Poltergeist
Unholy demon
Underneath the heaven cloud
Await further-no longer!-
For here I come in my white gown

"A finger touch away, my dear,
A finger touch away!" I don't understand this part...

A virgin was I
An innocent soul
Whose never hurt a mortal, no
But has gone still and cold
By the hate I felt among them

A ring around my pretty neck
A trip and I snap it, yes
Here I come
Damned to stay forever
Lost and all alone

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

Never was I a holy being
A person of holy meaning
And God's great angels are above me singing

"A finger touch away, my dear
"A finger touch away!"

Now I sit here all alone
A blind poltergeist forever to roam
The Limbo shore I call my home

Lost among them-here I am!-
Underneath the heaven cloud
A subject to my own crown

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

Overall, I really like this a lot. I just don't understand the lines you keep repeating...would you mind explaining maybe? It may be something really obvious that I'm not getting (sorry if it is, insomnia takes its toll...) but I just don't understand it. Otherwise, I think this was a solid piece and I loved the story it told.

Quetseli wrote:When the Pearly Gates will not let them pass
And the flames of Hell are out of their grasp,
The dark world of Limbo's shore awaits them.

Blind Poltergeist,
Unholy demon,
Underneath the heaven cloud
Await further-no longer!- This line sort of confuses me... maybe just say "Await no longer!
For here I come in my white gown.

"A finger touch away, my dear,
A finger touch away!"

A virgin was I --
A innocent soul.
Who's never hurt a mortal, no --
But has gone still and cold
By the hate I felt among them.

A ring around my pretty neck,
A trip and I snap it, yes
Here I come.
Damned to stay forever
Lost and all alone.

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

Never was I a holy being,
A person of holy meaning.
And God's great angels are above me singing

"A finger touch away, my dear
"A finger touch away!"

Now I sit here all alone,
A blind poltergeist forever to roam
The Limbo shore I call my home.

Lost among them-here I am!-
Underneath the heaven cloud,
A subject to my own crown.

"A finger touch away, my dear
A finger touch away!"

I like the story that this poem tells, most of those were grammar suggestions (just to help the flow and rhythm) and other than that, I think this poem is quite good. "A finger touch away" -- what an odd saying, but fitting to the poem to say the least. Good job keep writing!