My secret....

Scarlet lines trimmed with pink,
Leaking upon snow white skin,
Scar rimmed patterns on an ice-rink,
The ice she treads is deadly thin.

She carves emotions on her arm,
In a cry of help and desperate plee,
What she does is an act of self-harm,
Why can no one understand me?

This is just so simple, and yet it speaks so loudly and with so much emotion...
I wish that I could write like this
And I am sad for you. I really am, if this poem really speaks the truth

But you do have a total gift with words and rhyming.! And I love your little poem.
xxxx

i'm loving the flow of this poem it is simple yet speaks 1000 words and it's god good emotion going through the lines and words. i really like this you should keep goign with things like this!

Love the imagery and use of words, it really puts the reader in your shoes. I especially love the line
"The ice she treads is deadly thin".

And I agree with Emmzziee; I am sad for you. I am sad that any person could ever feel so depressed that they would hurt themselves..if you ever need to talk just PM me. Life is tough, but you have to learn to find those little glimmers of light in the darkness.

Really good poem. short, but emotional. ( i hope this isn't a true story)

Scarlet lines trimmed with pink,
Leaking upon snow white skin,
Scar rimmed patterns on an ice-rink,
The ice she treads is deadly thin.

She carves emotions on her arm,
In a cry of help and desperate plea,
What she does is an act of self-harm,
Why can no one understand me?-It is a little confusing how you change it from "she" to me. I know what you are going for, but maybe you can try changing the rest of the poem to first person"I", or just change the last line to "her". If you get what i mean. It just makes it all flow better.

Good Poem!
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-jojo

It's very small, but it speaks volumes. Not much to critique on because it's wonderful. Keep writing because your amazing with words and can make them dance. And dearly sorry if this is about yourself, love.

XxJoJoxX wrote:Really good poem. short, but emotional. ( i hope this isn't a true story)

Scarlet lines trimmed with pink,
Leaking upon snow white skin,
Scar rimmed patterns on an ice-rink,
The ice she treads is deadly thin.

She carves emotions on her arm,
In a cry of help and desperate plea,
What she does is an act of self-harm,
Why can no one understand me?-It is a little confusing how you change it from "she" to me. I know what you are going for, but maybe you can try changing the rest of the poem to first person"S", or just change the last line to "her". If you get what i mean. It just makes it all flow better.

Good Poem!
----------------------------------
-jojo

thank you for the advice i'll take it into account for any other poems i do happy writing

thank you all for commenting, it makes me feel so welcome ^.^ and thanks for the advice aswell. This is true about myself and thank you all for the support, this is not something i do or attention. I do mind saying on here because it is annoynamus <----------(cannot spell) but thank you all for understanding

Short but very expressive, I like the comparisons you used to highlight the seriouness of your struggle. I also like how you captured the feeling of two different views: the peice of yourself that can see the danger you are putting yourself in by your self-harm, and the part of you that does not allow you out of the situation, no matter how terrible it becomes. People who have not been personally involved in addictions are given a chance to see through your own eyes how it looks and feels to be trapped inside something that can become so all-consuming.

Hi

Short yet very expressive and i found it very captavating! you seem to be a very deep expressive write and i like that. Hope to hear more from you!

Regards