Darkness

It's a rough start, but here goes.....


Darkness calls me from the shadows
Clawing at my hems
Gnashing rotten teeth
Puffing foul gutter breath..
Whispering my name
In tongues I seem to know
Lurking 'round the corner..
Where's my will to fight?
Dwindling to ash..
Blowing in the wind.

This is a good start. I love the imagery and diction. This poem depresses me, with its Gothic theme, which is getting quite common and tiresome, with Twilight and all. But that does not change the fact that this is a great work.

Darkness calls me from the shadows
Clawing at my hems
Gnashing rotten teeth
Puffing foul gutter breath...
Whispering my name
In tongues I seem to know
Lurking 'round the corner...
Where's my will to fight?
Dwindling to ash..
Blowing in the wind.

Very minor things. Keep up the good work!

This is quite the fantastic start with lovely imagery, really grasps ahold of ones imagination. There are punctuation mishaps, but overlooking that and its disjointed lines I found it a good poem. Keep writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!!

I really like the imagery in here. You used some verbs and descriptions that I wouldn't have thought about. Like Clawing at my hem. I really wouldn't think about something like darkness clawing, but now that you bring it up, it would. You never really see much use of hem either.

Love the imagery and the rythym is really clear, you should develop this. With those one or two verses to start with you could work with it and make it even better!