She paced back and forth furiously in her dark prison. Unable to control her anger anymore, she let out an agonizing howl of frustration. How dare she! How dare that girl keep me locked in here, she thought, powerless, unable to escape. Scowling, she knew deep down inside that she was really angry at herself for letting this happen. She had been careless and hadn't recognized the signs. Her Shells, the soulless, empty, human-like-beings that she inhabited, had always been complacent and obedient, letting her rest safely until it was her time to come out. Where had she gone wrong? What was so different this time that her Shell had changed to acquire a soul? She kept going over it, thinking over every little detail of every memory, no matter how unimportant. They were built so they couldn’t have souls, and to have a soul is to be able to feel, and Shells don’t do that. They’re organic, pre-programmed computers that do what is necessary to blend in, to make sure their host remains safe and resting. But somewhere, somehow, something had happened and She had started to feel and when She gained Her own consciousness she was pushed back into the dark recesses of Her mind. The only way she could get out (according to the laws of mind-host sharing in the world of magic) was if she got Her permission. But she had been unable to contact her host. Now she was locked inside the girl's mind, pushed aside into the very back recesses. Sighing, she resumed her pacing, waiting for her opportunity to be free.
Last edited by RoseGryffindor on Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
May all your bacon BURN! ~Calcifer "Howl's Moving Castle"
Although this is short, it does sound really interesting! Um... I don't quite get what's going on, but I don't think I'm supposed to, so good work... it could probably use a bit more description, however.
As Tabby said, this is really short. Generally, you want to post a longer piece (not too long, though!) to hook the reader into the story. Right now this is not really something I'd want to read more about, simply because I haven't formed any sort of connection or interest with it. You seem to be doing a lot of telling instead of showing (something a lot of people, including yours truly, struggle with); here's a great link that discusses the difference between the two, how to find it in your own work, and how to fix it accordingly.
I'd suggest just rewriting this with much more detail about the character and the setting.
Please PM me if you have any questions or whatnot. Cheers! (:
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better. ~Rick Castle
