The OtherWorld Prolouge *Attempt Two*

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Passage from, The History of the OtherWorld


The OtherWorld is a universe parallel to the one where Earth circles the Sun. It exists on a different plane. In the OtherWorld, there not much in between; mostly, everything is either perfect peace, or absolute chaos. There are fields of ten foot tall flowers, where you can sit all day and rest in the cool shade of the Lavender Lilies. There are forests that are full of camouflaged predators just waiting for something weaker to stumble by. The OtherWorld is inhabited by thousands of creatures and human-like people. The people that inhabit the OtherWorld are known as the Others. The creatures range from completely harmless fuzz balls, called Wompo’s, that live in the flower fields, to creatures so terrifying and deadly that those who have encountered them either don’t come back, or are to traumatized to even function correctly.

The Others are like humans in most ways; there is no difference in appearance. Both the humans and the Others have two legs, two arms, two eyes, and everything else, and their inner makeup is the same; both have a heart and lungs, kidneys and livers. The only difference is that the Others have superhuman abilities. They are super strong, super fast, almost animal like. They have to be, it is either be able to escape the may predators that stalk the forests, or die. The Others are controlled not only by emotions and knowledge, but by pure animal instincts, and that allows them, even though they are one of the weakest predators, to survive in the OtherWorld.

There were three families of Others that traveled from the OtherWorld to Earth. Family lore says that the Families were born in the OtherWorld but they accidentally Crossed Over to Earth. It was said that they were walking to their new village, the men had just finished building all of the houses. They had decided to take a path they had never used before. As they passed by an old hut there was a small flash, and the next second they were standing in a field. The field was like nothing they had ever seen before, completely empty other tiny flowers, smaller them a thumb nail, nothing like the flowers on the OtherWorld. There were no great threats, not compared to what they faced at home. The beasts that hunted in the forests were easy to over come. It was said that the Families found great joy and peace in this new land. They called it the New World.

The Families decided they would stay here, they would never return to their home world. Even if they could, they didn’t know how to return. Some were sad about this, the OtherWorld may have been dangerous, but the greatest beauty of the New World was like a bead of dew on a blade of grass compared to the great wonders that grace the surface and skies of the OtherWorld.

The Three Families built three Towers, one for each family. This was where they lived for ten years in complete peace, the OtherWorld behind them. But they still dreamed about the OtherWorld. They missed their home world, but they thrived here in the New World. They were no longer the underdog; in this land, they were the dominate species. They no longer lived in fear of going to sleep and being attacked in the night. They no longer feared letting their children get out of sight. The New World was a much safer home, so they set their homesickness aside.


After awhile, all hopes of returning to the OtherWorld faded away, until one day when a little girl went missing. She had run off into the forest with her brother and disappeared. The brother ran back and told their parents what had happened. They sent a search party into the woods after the little girl. Thirty men went, only one returned. The man that returned claimed that the other men disappeared in front of his eyes. He said they had disappeared as they crossed the little brook separating the plains where the Towers were built, and the woods. The little girl's brother said that it was there that the girl had disappeared as well. They were all confused, and excited. It seemed that somehow, the little girl and the man had found a way back to the OtherWorld. The oldest members of the Families, the Elders, declared that they would wait for the men to return, hoping that they would be able to find a way back to the New World.

Two days later, the sound of boots were heard coming up the pathway leading to the Towers. It was the men and the girl. They had returned, but only twenty men returned. They said they had returned to the OtherWorld and found the girl there. The other men had be killed by a dragon-like serpent that was protecting her nest. The men had walked through the forest hoping to find the hut again, they found it and walked passed it as they did the first time, but this time, nothing happened. They walked the safe paths for hours hoping for another Pathway to the New World, after two days, they blindly stumbled upon one.

After this it was known that the Families were still able to return to the OtherWorld. But the Elders feared returning, because there was no sure way to return back to the New World. It is said that the stories the men told about the OtherWorld brought back memories, and they longed to return to the beautiful fields, the breathtaking waterfalls that seemed to come from the havens, the crystal lakes where friendly fish people danced and played music that would hypnosis the scariest beasts into nothing more then a field mouse. They wished to return, for just a little while, and they too, disappeared. They would return hours later with tales about their return to the OtherWorld. The Others had figured out that by visualizing and wishing with all there might to return to their original home, they could. To return to the New World, all they had to do was visualize the New World, wish to return with a great might, and they would return. There were also Pathways that would suck them into the OtherWorld if they happened upon one, like the path with the hut, but once you went through one, it closed.. They could also be dragged into the OtherWorld in their sleep, whenever visions of their home came to them strongly enough.

At first, this was good. The Others could travel from their new home, to their old home when ever they wished. But as their children began to get older, they would Cross Over and they would not be able to return. Adults would Cross Over at random moments as well, they would have a thought of the OtherWorld and Cross Over. By them learning to Cross Over, they seemed to have kicked started a gene in within them, the gene that allows them to Cross Over. After this the Families set out to educate their children, to teach them how to control when they Crossed Over. They taught them how to return to the New World if they Crossed Over by accident. All the adults had to learn to do this as well, for them it was.

This worked for about 100 years. The Three Families stayed with each other, only marrying others within the Families, so they stayed pure, had no other blood but that of the OtherWorld. But as the New World evolved, so did the Families. Factories were put up, the age of technology had began, the men would leave the Towers to work in the factories, they would by house, and after awhile, they would bring their wife and kids to live with them. They spread out and left the Towers. After being away from the Towers and the rest of the Others, they started mated with humans and had hybrid children. Some of these children had the abilities of the Others and could Cross Over, and others could not. Mostly they were healthy, so no laws were made to prevent this from happening.

Every year the descendants of the Three Families came together at the Towers to become one again. At first it anyone descendent of the first three Families, but as time went on, it was only those that carried the Gifts. They would gather for a week, on the day that they had first come over, and that week was the greatest, and only, holiday they had.

*****

400 years later the tradition is still carried out. There are very few babies born with the Gift, but the ones that do spend four years at the Towers, from ages thirteen to seventeen, when their Gifts begin to fully develop. It is like going away for school. When they turn seventeen, they can either leave, and start a life outside of the Towers, or they can stay, and work at the Towers. Either way, after they leave the Towers, there life begins...
Last edited by SilentRain on Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi there,
First off, I love how much detail there is about the OtherWorld and its inhabitants. You've obviously given this a lot of thought, which is awesome. The prologue is fine the way it is, but I have a couple nit-picky things that I think would make it more effective. First, I don't like the way it starts; it's very abrupt. I'd suggest starting with the Others that made the towers, and then moving back to describe their super-world. But that's just personal preference. Start with some sort of hook so that your readers are enticed to reading more and more.

My other suggestion is that you use the active voice instead of the passive voice. Instead of saying "the sound of boots was heard," say "the Others heard the sounds of boots marching toward the Towers." Try to avoid saying "was" and "were" as much as possible; using more active verbs will keep the audience more engaged in the action of the story.

Thanks for sharing this! Good luck, and PM me if you have any questions!
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.




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Hi Rain, Pink here!

I'm not going to do a whole nitpicking session because I feel like that's not really worth the time. I mean, you already have a solid understanding of you punctuation and what not. I did notice a few comma misplacements but right now, I can't really seem to go back and find those.

Anyway, for a prologue, this is some major info-dumping. By major, I'm saying that you totally shouldn't do this, it's like mouth feeding us chunks of information and it's very telly so it will bore us. Although, the world you created is interesting and I would love to read more about your characters and all, I believe that you should tell it to us slowly instead of handing over a plate of history. Prologues are usually short and give a glimpse of what is to happen in a story so make this into a an attention grabber by talking about your character or something that captures our interest when we first start reading.

Now, do not fret. What you have is a great set-up but you need to learn how to ease us into this world and the way it works and the history and mission behind the world and your story. Also, I suggest working on your writing style a bit. It's not bad but it's just too much 'tell' and not enough 'show'. Since it looks like your writing in third person, it might be a little difficult to connect to readers. I find that first person does that the best. Going back, you need to get rid of telling us what your character did and how they spoke but show us. She picked at her hair, her eyes lowered, things like that which make your character more interesting and fun to read. Right now, it's slightly bothering to be told what's happening. It also messes with the imagery in my head. And I agree to what the user above me said about using a more active voice.

Anyway, other than those points this was interesting story and you have a clear idea of what you want to say. Just don't give away too much. Good luck with the rest of this!

-Shear
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Heya there!

Interesting stuff you have going on, but I'm afraid this is improper use of the prologue. A prologue is meant to provide some earlier story [usually written in another character's POV] that eventually ties or has something to do with the main story. It usually does explain the setting and some background details, but not this in-depth.

The best way to get your information like this across to your reader, is to slowly feed it into your story via a character or more. Either in the MC's thoughts or through conversation. When writers start writing as such, info dumping in such a small space, it reminds me of Tolkien. Who was a genius, but many parts of his work was incredibly boring.

But, like I said, this is really interesting and I like it. You've got a good thing going, it's just way too busy and info dumpy like. This is some great background info, but it doesn't go well. However, don't throw it out. Try writing the beginning of your story through another way. I've started the same story with three or four different beginnings because none of them seemed to suit the story. But try starting with your character thinking of the tradition you mentioned. Or nix the idea of a prologue altogether.

Hope I helped a bit. And no, I don't read the other reviews so pardon if I repeated anything.

Toodles!

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Well hey there! Sorry it took me a while to get to your story, busy with the holidays and school and whatnot, but lets get started shall we?

So first you spelled prologue incorrectly in your title, so fix that up. ;) Second is ooooh goodness massive amounts of information here huh? Now it sounds interesting and all but a lot of the time when you have just huge long paragraphs of info it often overwhelms the reader and makes them lose interest pretty fast. And really the whole point of a prologue is to really catch their attention, to draw them into reading the story.

What you have so far makes me feel like I'm reading a history book, except with like a couple of odd details thrown in every now and again. What I would recommend that you do is have your MC or something add some personal details, like say their grandfather told them the stories of The OtherWorld. Little bits of personality and character really tend to take away the feeling of overwhelming amounts of info, but I'd still say for you to spread out the info throughout the story though.

You have a really interesting idea, I'd like to see how you go with it, PM me if you revise this mkay? And I'll take another look at it :)

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."



Defeat has its lessons as well as victory.
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