In my World

Darkness approaches,
as I sink into myself.
Deeper and deeper,
Under the ocean, in my head...
Not blue, but grey.
Not sunlit, maybe not even moonlit.
Is this fake?
As a misty, faded old footpath
That had once led me on
to my dreams.
And now it has tangled me up
Under water where I can't seem to breathe.
Stinking weeds that nobody wanted
Dragged me down here...
To be like them.

Lost or diluded?
Is this world that
I have found myself in
Where I belong?
Or does it even exist?


I understand that this is very depressing....
You need to know that I don't usually think this way
But I've never really got to grips with poetry. Infact, I'm not even sure that what I've written IS poetry at all!
Help me out please
tell me if you understood.
Because really, this just flooded out of my head.. I haven't planned it so well. xxx

I TOTALLY understand! Like you don't belong in this world, and the world inside your head doesn't seem to exist right? Like questioning your own existence? Well, if so I feel the same way sometimes, and of course this is poetry! I really like it. No serious suggestions I can make, but you should definitely keep writing poetry. You seem to have a knack for it!

If you're not feeling depressed, then there is no need to pretend you are--poems don't need to be depressing to be emotional! Write about what you're truly thinking and feeling, that's how you get really good poetry.

On to the poem itself--you've got a nice handle on imagery, and you've got a great feel for flow and rhythm--all really good things for a poet to have. I'm not too keen on the topic itself, I feel as if it's way to cliche, perhaps because your heart really isn't into what you're saying?

You've got all you need to write amazingly. I would very much like to see a poem by you about something you truly feel strongly about. I believe it'll turn out wonderfully--keep writing!

This is pretty good Emzee. The imagery is pretty good. It sort of made me feel like I'm falling into a black abyss deeper and deeper in to my subconscious and landing into a pool of despair. =P but yeah i also agree with the guy above me. You don't have to pretend to be depressed in a poem when you're not feeling depressed. A poem is about expressing yourself. There's point in writing a poem that doesn't mean anything to you right? xD

i don't really understand but i don't understand poetry really but really good use of devices linking it all together.
try and make it more understandable for someone like me

Darkness approaches,as I sink into myself.Deeper and deeper,Under the ocean, in my head...Not blue, but grey.Not sunlit, maybe not even moonlit.Is this fake?As a misty, faded old footpathThat had once led me on to my dreams.And now it has tangled me upUnder water where I can't seem to breathe.Stinking weeds that nobody wantedDragged me down here...To be like them.Lost or diluded?Is this world thatI have found myself inWhere I belong?Or does it even exist?

I like it... And I do understand because right now I'm going through something similar. As if questioning your own existance.. and wondering where you belong.. because here (where ever your 'here' may be) is not where you want to have to call home.. or feel you must belong.. Because "here" is bringing you down.. and without a doubt suffocating you.

I do like the writing.. indeed it is poetry.. Now.. a little info..
Poetry is usually best with the darker things.. sure it makes you sound "depressed" but.. it's the best poetry.. and only real poets will understand and get that.
Your writing, and word choice is very good.
And for this..
I congradulate uu (:

To start with, thank you for reveiwing my work, and to continue, this is definatley poetry and it is very good, the way it is set out draws me in and makes me interested. The poem is very mysterious, even though i know exactly what you mean. Keep up the good work and keep writing x