Nickolvia

Once an ugly duck
now a beautiful swan
at home in her pond
we get swept away by her grace
the beauty of her

now a black horse
russian by his blood
the color of coal
headstrong by nature
while he was once wild and free
now he waits for man
waits for humans to feed him
he itches to run
to run as he has
like before when no one
could ride him
now hes broken to
the ways of a saddle
but never to rider.

a young girl with long brown hair
shes here everyday
just sitting out side my stall
im learning to trust her
but i will never call her
my rider................?

Interesting poem. It doesn't really grab me though. I don't really understand it - it's a little confusing, is it from the horse's point of view the whole time?

Also -

my rider................?

Don't add all those periods. If you're going to use the question mark (which I wouldn't) just put it there, no periods in between.

Although I've been kind of harsh I believe you have potential!

Keep writing!
Alzora

Would this be related to Black Beauty? (I'm referencing the only literature about horses I know).

I see a lot of potential here. But there are some confusing elements, as Alzora has pointed out: Besides the point of view, I'm also not too sure pf the connection between stanzas, especially the first stanza with the rest of the poem. And NIckolvia is the name of the horse, I suppose?

I do, however, like your descriptions. Try diversifying your verbs and adjectives (and adverbs) to provide more effective imagery.

Good job, and keep on writing! I'll look forwards to seeing your next piece.

thanks guy but this poem is about a horse that is recently mine his name is nickolvia and his struggles coming from russia unbacked to america to be broken and how he met me

This is personally, realy good. I enjoyed reading it and understood what the horse felt, even though I'm not one.
Creative and Intresting, and I really enjoyed reading it.

Once an ugly ducknow a beautiful swan at home in her pondwe get swept away by her gracethe beauty of hernow a black horserussian by his blood the color of coal headstrong by naturewhile he was once wild and freenow he waits for man waits for humans to feed himhe itches to run to run as he has like before when no one could ride himnow hes broken to the ways of a saddlebut never to rider.a young girl with long brown hairshes here everyday just sitting out side my stallim learning to trust herbut i will never call her my rider................?

he was wipped and beaten coming here so his heart was ripped open i love him todeath but sometimes i think it would be best to let him go free can anyone help