Fallen

This poem is linked to my last angel novel, hope you all enjoy


I lie in wait

for I know my fate

when I return to the skies

they will surely see through my lies

my wings will be torn from me

with vicious talons that only I can see

I will be pushed from the heavens, into the living hell

I will be the fallen, the angel that fell

all for my curiousity, because I wanted to know more

I never saw it as breaking the law

It is me that they all blame

I now hold my head in shame

I have a reputation, I've never lived up to it

for all my time on earth not once have I seen the human race

the shadows are where I sit

me, the fallen

Okay, first of all, I'm not sure why you made the stylistic choice to not have any punctuation. If it was purposeful, I didn't see the reason behind it. Personally, I think you should learn the basics before you start breaking the rules. But hey, whatever suits you. I'm not going to comment too much on style, there's too many other things to address in this poem. (One more note on style first, though: in line 13, you don't capitalize I've. You also don't capitalize I in line 15)

1) The rhyme scheme feels forced, especially when the meter is wildly different. Plus, you never remain consistent in the pattern you set. Lines 9 and 10 do not rhyme, even though all the previous pairs did, and then later on 13 and 15 rhyme. If you decide on an AABBCC pattern, then stick to it! Lines that break it seem out of place.

Now, onto the stresses/number of syllables. I'm going to bold what would be stressed and keep normal what is unstressed. Some of this is going to be guesswork and based on my own reading of the poem, since there really is no set pattern in your piece. Then at the end of each line, I'll write how many syllables there are:

I lay in wait This should probably be lie (4)
for I know my fate (5)
when I return to the skies (7)
they will surely see through my lies (8)
my wings will be teared from me (7)
with vicious talons that only I can see (11)
I will be pushed from the heavens and into the living hell (15)
I will be the fallen, the angel that fell (11)
all for my curiousity, because I wanted to know more (16)
I never saw it as breaking the law (10)
It is me that they all blame (7)
I now hold my head in shame (7)
I have a reputation, i've never lived up to it (7)
for all my time on earth i've never seen the human race (14)
the shadows are (subject/verb agreement) where i sit (7)
me, the fallen, the angel that fell (8)

As you can see, trying to define the stressed and unstressed syllables was a struggle for me, and my interpretation is probably different than what others will see in this poem. I ended up coming up with some strange results because my brain was searching for a pattern. But, this is not the reader's job to figure out the flow, this should be set by the author. Combined, the poem was rhythmically messy, and there was inconsistency even within lines.

Hopefully you can revise and post again, since I didn't even get into content here. And just so you understand, this is not meant to be mean or discouraging. I see that you're pretty young still, and I really want to encourage you to keep learning and improving. As a young writer, I remember that the best review I ever got said that my writing was 'soppy and dripping with the romantic sentiments of an immature writer'. That one stung. But it made my work better than 1000 comments of praise could have.

this is really good:) I wish I was able to write poetry....Anyway, keep up the good work!!

Nic epoem, just a few things.

I lie in wait

for I know my fate

when I return to the skies

they will surely see through my lies

my wings will be teared? from me- I think ripped would be better suited for the poem.

with vicious talons that only I can see

I will be pushed from the heavens and into the living hell- you should maybe remove the "and" it adds unnecessary clutter in the poem

I will be the fallen, the angel that fell

all for my curiosity, because I wanted to know more

I never saw it as breaking the law

It is me that they all blame

I now hang my head in shame

I have a reputation, I've never lived up to it

for all my time on earth I've never seen the human race

the shadows is where i sit- It sounds a little choppy. Maybe you could try " I sit in the shadows" or The Shadows are where i sit.

me, the fallen the angel that fell- This last line is a little redundant. All you really need to say is "Me, the fallen angel. You still have the same affect and it isn't as redundant as if you added "..- that fell"

I lay in wait

for I know my fate

when I return to the skies

they will surely see through my lies

my wings will be teared from me

with vicious talons that only I can see

I will be pushed from the heavens and into the living hell

I will be the fallen, the angel that fell

all for my curiousity, because I wanted to know more

I never saw it as breaking the law

It is me that they all blame

I now hold my head in shame

I have a reputation, i've never lived up to it

for all my time on earth i've never seen the human race

the shadows is where i sit

me, the fallen the angel that fell

Only nit pick I can find is how at the beginning every line seemed to rhyme with the previous one then the ryming gets more spaced out. Very good poem apart from that.

Cool poem! I like how it leaves things to the imagination. Poetry isn't usually my thing, so I don't have many nitpicks. However, I do agree with what the other reviewers have said, but, since you've probably gotten sick of reading them, I won't repeat what already has been said.
Anyway, I must say that this was very well written, all grammar mistakes aside. Keep up the good work.

if you liked this please reveiw my last angel novel which is ish connected please