Lost Sorrow

I think i'm getting the hang at this poetry thing now

Ever wish you could start again,
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain,

Sail across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,

What else could you have done,
Black cries,
Memories rerun,

Friendships have been broken,
Fuming with rage,
They wither away,

I miss your friendly shoulder,
When I need to cry,
When did alliance,
Start to defy,

I hope it was important,
Arguments fulfilled,
Now after your gone I realise,
All I want Is you.

Ever wish you could start again,
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain,

Yeah i have actually and you seem to have a serious attitude towards pessimism, i like it

Sail across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,

Didnt actually get what you were trying to say you are sailing on the sea of life, no matter what kind of sea it is there will be waves i think it maybe just me but can you explain what you were trying to say?

What else could you have done,
Black cries,
Memories rerun,

again with the the good job of emphasis on pessimism nice job.

Friendships have been broken,
Fuming with rage,
They wither away,

i 100% agree with you , its like you notice the things around you with a keen eye :O

I miss your friendly shoulder,
When I need to cry,
When did alliance,
Start to defy,

Well isnt that cute the more you trust someone the more harder it is to let go if you know hat i mean >.>
i just felt like saying that *ignore*

I hope it was important,
Arguments fulfilled,
Now after your gone I realise,
All I want Is you.

just like the saying, "you dont know what it is till its gone"
truly amazing. You sure are getting hang of it. it was neat and i personally think it was enjoyable !!
you did a nice job my friend

Remember to stay motivated

Yours Truly
- Stephene

SweetMoments wrote:
Ever wish you could start again, I think you should have a question mark here.

________________

Rid of strife, Rid doesn't seem to be the right word


____________

I miss your friendly shoulder,
When I need to cry,
When did alliance,
Start to defy, All of a sudden you jump from three line to four line. That's a little weird.


__________________
Now after your you're not yourgone I realise,

Other than that, this is a really good poem. I like the sadness of it.

Hello there

This was really good. I have to hand it you.

Ever wish you could start again,
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain,

I just love how this stanza flowed. It almost immaculate.

The only problem I seemed to have with this poem was the fact that you put commas as your form of punctuation throughout. So in essence, you were just listing things or whatever. Points where you saw that this was the beginning of the sentence, were introduced by a comma. Another things is that things were a tad bit cliché, but I totally get the way you expressed yourself.
Keep writing poetry, you're good at it.

Nice poem. i love it. Good Job!
Just a few grammatical/structural revises.

Ever wish you could start again?
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain
you don't need to add another comma if you are finished with that stanza. Only if the thought you have is incomplete.

Sail across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife

What else could you have done?
Black cries,
Memories rerun

Friendships have been broken,
Fuming with rage,
They wither away

I miss your friendly shoulder,
When I need to cry,
When did alliance,
Start to defy?
Remember to add questions marks, yes, even in poetry.

I hope it was important,
Arguments fulfilled,
Now after you're gone I realize,- Maybe you could try " Now that you're gone" in stead of "Now, after your gone." It flows better.
All I want Is you.- or maybe " all i need is you." Is gives more of a sense of desperation than if you just "want" something/someone.

Other than that, good poem!

--------------------------------
-jojo

SweetMoments wrote:Ever wish you could start again,
Flick a switch,
Forget the pain,

Sail across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,

I'm not one who usually likes structured poetry, but I really love these two stanzas. The whole poem gives the essence of pessimism and sorrow, which provokes feeling. It relates to everyone in the fact that we all just want to waste away and forget about life. We all want to find our own escape..
Great poem.!

Thanks for all the reveiws guys!

It's awesome maybe you could add a little bit more but except for that I loved it!!!

From Me

I love it! You're such a good writer.(You can't deny that):)

this is a very good poem. my favourite verse is:
across this sea of life,
Free of waves,
Rid of strife,