On The Road

Chapter 1 Jason Torres

Sky.Bird.Ocean.Dolphine. Jason has always dreamt that if he can be one of them, isn’t it great? Be the sky, it feels so good to feel the breeze. To watch people, things, animals, nature from all over the world. Birds, freedom, flying with their pair of powerful wings. Ocean, feel the cool water running over your toes, hand and body. The feeling’s like the feeling of love. Not something we can describe with words. And dolphins, I know many people once wished they were a dolphin. He can’t explain why, he wanted to be a dolphin. However, seeing them swimming in the ocean, hearing their laugh sometimes really make him wish he were a dolphin too

Jason lies on the sofa, thinking of what to do this summer.Swimming, playing football or perhaps visiting his Aunt Delia who lives by the beach, again. He wonders, when will he be able to go to Italy? France? Alternatively, anywhere he wants to go. Well, he guess now the only place he’ll be going to is Aunt Delia’s house. Aunt Delia isn’t really Jason’s aunt. She’s just a very close friend of his dad and mum, so they call her Aunt Delia.Appearently, she is like an Aunt for the Torres family. It’s not that Jason don’t like going to her place, but they went there the last summer, and the summer before the last summer, and the summer before the last summer’s last summer. It’s like eating ice cream today and you think it’s cool. And you eat ice cream again, you won’t feel any feeling of excitement. But the day after tomorrow if you still eat ice cream, you’re going to throw up.

“Hey, Jason. Are you ready?”Jason’s Mom asked as she took Jackson’s bag pack and put it in the car boot. She and Jason’s Dad are getting ready. Whoa,we really are going to Aunt Delia’s house! Jason thought.
“I’m ready, Mom.”Jason said as he puts his bags in the car boot and get into the car. Only to see his naughty brother sticking out his tongue at him.
“What’s the matter with you?”He asked in surprise.
“That is for messy my crayons,” Jackson said and stopped. He reaches out his left feet at Jason and kicked his leg! “And this is for messy with Benny!”
“Ouch! Jackson! It hurts!”Jason yelled and rub his knee. He kicked it so hard that Jason can hardly feel his knee.
“What happen?”their Dad and Mom came running and asked them.
Jason pointed at Jackson. “He kicked my knee just now! It hurts!”He shouted.
“He mess up with my crayons first! And also Benny! Benny’s leg is gone!”
Now Mom and Dad are looking at Jason.
Jason chuckled. “You guys think I did it? Come on, why would I want to mess up with a seven years old kid’s crayon and his stupid toys!?”He started to feel very uncomfortable about this situation.
“Jason, you mind your words!”Dad gave him a serious look and told him.
He didn’t say anything but just stare at them.
However, Jackson did respond to his words. “You’re the one who is STUPID! Benny isn’t stupid!”He ran towards Jason and kicked him again.

This time, Jackson gets onto Jason’s nerves. Without thinking, Jason hit him on his head.
Then there was a silence.
Immediately, Jackson’s tears poured down like rainwater.
Jason look at his parents. He just stare at them.
“Sor…Sorry…Jackson…”He finally mouthed out.
But he knew Dad and Mom won’t accept that kind of apology.
“Jason, what, did you do, just now?”His Dad asked slowly and seriously.
“I said I was sorry!”Jason’s voice’s getting louder.
Finally, his Dad speaks out “You are grounded once you reach Aunt Delia’s house! No TVs, computers and shopping!”
Jason feels like crying but he did not, instead, he get back into the car. He can still see Mom hugging Jackson through the reflection of the car's side view mirror.

He keep thinking of what had happened recently.
Jackson excusing him for not helping him to pack his schoolbooks to school.
Dad kept saying that he is not doing well in school and wanted him to go for tuition.
Mum yelled at him because he came home late.
What is going on? He couldn’t think about it anymore.
Seems like all the spotlights are all shining on Jackson. Everyday Jackson this, Jackson that, Jackson cute, Jackson good.

His mind is blank. He could not think of any other things that would ruin this summer, after all, this one had already, hadn’t it?

Please leave a comment~!I want your advise please~!!!This is my first novel and I don't know if it's good or bad!First time!
Please!And if there are people who want me to continue writing chapter 2,I will write it!Thanks~!(Is this post in a novel format?Because I can't find any thing that can add chapters...Pls tell me~Thanks~!!!)

Hey Daylan, nice to read you story i don't actually review a lot of novelish stories but ill give it a try wweeee

Sky.Bird.Ocean.Dolphine. Jason has always dreamt that if he can be one of them, isn’t it great?

I have a feeling that you didn't quite think this over, it would make more sense if it was somting like this

"The Sky, the Ocean, a bird or a dolphin, Jason has always dreamt if he could be one of them, wouldn't it be great?"

Be the sky, it feels so good to feel the breeze. To watch people, things, animals, nature from all over the world. Birds, freedom, flying with their pair of powerful wings. Ocean, feel the cool water running over your toes, hand and body. The feeling’s like the feeling of love. Not something we can describe with words. And dolphins, I know many people once wished they were a dolphin. He can’t explain why, he wanted to be a dolphin. However, seeing them swimming in the ocean, hearing their laugh sometimes really make him wish he were a dolphin too

"Being the sky, the feeling of the breeze would feel so good. To watch over the world. Birds, freedom, flying with their powerful wings. Ocean, The feeling of cold salty water over your toes and body. The feeling's like the feeling of love. Not something we can exactly describe in words though. He couldn't explain why he wanted to be a dolphin. However, seeing them swimming in the ocean, hearing their cry sometimes made him wish he were a dolphin too."

Jason lies on the sofa, thinking of what to do this summer.Swimming, playing football or perhaps visiting his Aunt Delia who lives by the beach, again. He wonders, when will he be able to go to Italy? France? Alternatively, anywhere he wants to go. Well, he guess now the only place he’ll be going to is Aunt Delia’s house. Aunt Delia isn’t really Jason’s aunt. She’s just a very close friend of his dad and mum, so they call her Aunt Delia.Appearently, she is like an Aunt for the Torres family. It’s not that Jason don’t like going to her place, but they went there the last summer, and the summer before the last summer, and the summer before the last summer’s last summer. It’s like eating ice cream today and you think it’s cool. And you eat ice cream again, you won’t feel any feeling of excitement. But the day after tomorrow if you still eat ice cream, you’re going to throw up.

Jason lay on the sofa, thinking of what to do this summer. Swimming, playing football or perhaps visiting his aunt Delia, again, who lives by the beach. He wondered wen would he able to go to Italy or France, anywhere new. But he would only be going to is aunts house. She is not really his real aunt, she is just a friend of his mom and dad. Its not like Jason doesn't like going to her place. its just that he goes to her house every summer.

The example in the last line was kinda point less.

“Hey, Jason. Are you ready?”Jason’s Mom asked as she took Jackson’s bag pack and put it in the car boot. She and Jason’s Dad are getting ready. Whoa,we really are going to Aunt Delia’s house! Jason thought.
“I’m ready, Mom.”Jason said as he puts his bags in the car boot and get into the car. Only to see his naughty brother sticking out his tongue at him.
“What’s the matter with you?”He asked in surprise.
“That is for messy my crayons,” Jackson said and stopped. He reaches out his left feet at Jason and kicked his leg! “And this is for messy with Benny!”
“Ouch! Jackson! It hurts!”Jason yelled and rub his knee. He kicked it so hard that Jason can hardly feel his knee.
“What happen?”their Dad and Mom came running and asked them.
Jason pointed at Jackson. “He kicked my knee just now! It hurts!”He shouted.
“He mess up with my crayons first! And also Benny! Benny’s leg is gone!”
Now Mom and Dad are looking at Jason.
Jason chuckled. “You guys think I did it? Come on, why would I want to mess up with a seven years old kid’s crayon and his stupid toys!?”He started to feel very uncomfortable about this situation.
“Jason, you mind your words!”Dad gave him a serious look and told him.
He didn’t say anything but just stare at them.
However, Jackson did respond to his words. “You’re the one who is STUPID! Benny isn’t stupid!”He ran towards Jason and kicked him again.

Hey, Jason. Are you ready?”Jason’s Mom asked as she took Jackson’s bag pack and put it in the car's boot. She and Jason’s Dad were ready."Whoa,we really are going to Aunt Delia’s house!" Jason murmured.
“I’m ready, Mom.”Jason replied, as he too stuffed his bags in the car and got into the back seat. Only to see his naughty brother sticking out his tongue at him.
“What’s the matter with you?”He asked.
“That is for messing my crayons,” Jackson said and stopped. He reached out his left feet at Jason and kicked his leg! “And this is for messing with Benny!” he added.
“Ouch! Jackson! It hurts!”Jason yelled and started rubbing his knee. He kicked it so hard that Jason could hardly feel his knee.
“What happend?”their Dad and Mom came running and asked them as
Jason pointed at Jackson. “He kicked my knee just now and It hurts!”He shouted.
“He messed up my crayons first! And also Benny! Benny’s leg is gone!”
Now Mom and Dad are looked at Jason wit a strange look
Jason chuckled. “You guys think I did it? Come on, why would I want to mess with a seven years old kid’s crayon and his stupid toys!?”He started to feel uncomfortable about the situation.
“Jason, you mind your words young man!”Dad gave him a serious look and told him.
He reply but just stared at them.
However, Jackson did respond to his words. “You’re the one who is STUPID! Benny isn’t stupid!”He ran towards Jason and kicked him again.

This time, Jackson gets onto Jason’s nerves. Without thinking, Jason hit him on his head.
Then there was a silence.
Immediately, Jackson’s tears poured down like rainwater.
Jason look at his parents. He just stare at them.
“Sor…Sorry…Jackson…”He finally mouthed out.
But he knew Dad and Mom won’t accept that kind of apology.
“Jason, what, did you do, just now?”His Dad asked slowly and seriously.
“I said I was sorry!”Jason’s voice’s getting louder.
Finally, his Dad speaks out “You are grounded once you reach Aunt Delia’s house! No TVs, computers and shopping!”
Jason feels like crying but he did not, instead, he get back into the car. He can still see Mom hugging Jackson through the reflection of the car's side view mirror.

This time, Jackson got onto Jason’s nerves. Without thinking, Jason hit him on the head.
Then there was a brief moment silence.
Before Jackson’s tears poured down like running water.
Jason look at his parents. and just stare at them.
“Sor…Sorry…Jackson…”He finally mouthed out.
But he knew Dad and Mom won’t accept that kind of a apology.
“Jason, what, did you do, just now?”His Dad asked seriously.
“I said I was sorry!”Jason’s voice got louder.
Finally, his Dad spoke out “You are grounded once you reach Aunt Delia’s house! No TVs, computers and defiantly no shopping!”
Jason feels like crying but he did not, instead, he get back into the car. He could see his mom hugging Jackson through the reflection of the car's side view mirror.

He keep thinking of what had happened recently.
Jackson excusing him for not helping him to pack his schoolbooks to school.
Dad kept saying that he is not doing well in school and wanted him to go for tuition.
Mum yelled at him because he came home late.
What is going on? He couldn’t think about it anymore.
Seems like all the spotlights are all shining on Jackson. Everyday Jackson this, Jackson that, Jackson cute, Jackson good.

He kept thinking of what had happened just recently.
Jackson blaming him for not helping him pack his schoolbooks to school.
Dad kept saying that he is not doing well in school and wanted him to go for tuition.
Mum yelled at him because he came home late.
What was going on? He couldn’t think about it anymore.
Seems like all the spotlights were all shining on Jackson. Everyday it was Jackson's this, Jackson's that, Jackson's cute, Jackson's good.

read below for details

His mind is blank. He could not think of any other things that would ruin this summer, after all, this one had already, hadn’t it?

Ok you seriously need to REREAD your work as you clearly didn't, i don't mean to offend you but u practically re wrote the whole thing. You have major grammar problems and you need to work on your tenses. as you messed up between past and present. A novel or majority of story's or maybe all stories are written in past tense. you went off topic a lot of the times and according to chapter ones heading you didn't make it sound like you gave much thought to what you were writing.
if you want it to be a longer novel based story you should introduce jason torres as in you should ell is family background he nature his age or anything to make the readers realize what or who jason torres is rather then a simple average story.

The last paragraph made no sense to me what so ever as you mentioned stuff that wasn't need it would be better if you told that stuff in the introduction paragraph,

i would love to see a chapter to or maybe a re-write of chapter one by polishing your work.
I hope i helped

Remember to stay motivated.

Yours truly
- Stephene

Wow. stephene said alot but I'm here to give you some kindly pointers.

- Never ask if your work is good or bad. There's always going to be a good aspect to it and a bad one. It just doesn't seem right to label it. Give it a chance, eh?

-Jason's thought's seem a bit scattered. His dialouge makes him seem older but his thoughts make him seem a bit younger. Add in some commas and more words to thinken his thoughts out.

-When posting a novel you need to put it under " General Fiction NOVELS" When you click on short story It means that is all your going to do. I can see how you got that confused.

-You have a problem that I also have. You want to get it done and post it, but you forget to go back. I know it's hard and annoying , but it makes you and the story alot better. Trust me.

-Hope I helped!

Step,thank you for your comment~ Yes, I think I am confuse about the past tense and the present tense when writing these novel. But I really can't explain the character of Jason Torres.Because I'm not actually good at using words. As you can see, I did a lot of grammars problem and also the words I used are rather easy to know(I admit that I have grammar problems as you mention it~) Really thank you. But I had actually written chapter 2 to 5. Yes,and thank you for you...uh...good advise!(Is it the word advise?) I think I would try and rewrite it. And also, do you have facebook? If you have,can you give me? Thanks a lot!

Iscraft, yes, I get confuse by the general novel. But I did click general novel because I saw that the novel I'm going to write isn't romantic, science fiction or blah blah blah.... I will try to see if I can post chapter two in this post,if no,I will try to post it in another post~! Thank y'all~!!!