First work of poetry exploring the area

Shes the shadow of my life
So beautiful and amazing.
I can only find her truly when the sun shines high
When happiness is here
it feels so real
I soar the sky
ever so high
moonlight does no justice
it only shows her beauty
the time of day
makes it all fair play
if you catch her in the sun
you will see shes loads of fun
her love will roar
it will leave you craving more
yet in the moonlight
she stays low
you see her there
wishing she would move her hair
she is the shadow of my life
truly seen in the sun
hardly spotted with the moon


I know it does not have a rhyme scheme or pattern and i'm sorry but this is my first work and i am just beginning to investigate this area of writing.

This is a good first entry. It as good descriptive language, and you will see that you will get better as time goes on. Also, poems do not have to rhyme to be poems or be good! You did well. There are a few corrections and suggestions:

She's the shadow of my life
So beautiful and amazing.
I can only truly find her when the sun shines high sounds better
When happiness is here,
it feels so real.
I soar in the sky,
ever so high.
Moonlight does no justice,
it only shows her beauty,
the time of day
makes it all fair play.
If you catch her in the sun
you will see she's loads of fun;
her love will roar,
it will leave you craving more.
Yet in the moonlight
she stays low,
you see her there
wishing she would move her hair.
She is the shadow of my life,
truly seen in the sun,
hardly spotted with the moon

You just need some more pauses and periods, with some apostrophes.

Nice poem!

Very well done for your first entry. The person who posted before me summed up all the mistakes so all I have left to say is; great job and keep on writing.

Great Job!
The only nit pick I can find is how you start to rhyme halfway through. Maybe change it so it is all rhyming or all not, other than that I think its great

-SweetMoments

Thanks guys i really do appreciate it! I have always been "in touch" with my feeling so decided to post them in poem form and sing song forms. Really excited to get into the poetry side of my writing and cant wait to post more. Thanks for the info and the support!

Hey there, nice to see you are trying your hand at poetry. It's a lovely thing to spend time doing. For a first poem, this is actually quite good. Poetry isn't something that most people can just sit down and figure out without a lot of practice, so you're off to a decent start already.

You are already trying to include a lot of poetic elements, including metaphors, imagery, some rhyming, and a flow of words that connects continuously, yet can be broken into coherent sentences and ideas if need be. These are all good things to think about when you are writing. I have a few suggestions on how you could improve this poem or just your writing in the future.

First off, if you are going to use an image throughout a poem, come up with many different ways to refer to it. Have a bunch of words at your disposal that can be used to inform the reader of this image, so that you aren't repeating yourself too much. Although it wasn't bad, you could definitely use to spice up your sun and moon imagery. Come up with some descriptions that aren't typical to make it more interesting.

Second, if you are going to rhyme, and especially if you are going to write couplets (two lines in a row that end-rhyme), make sure you have it be consistent. It throws readers off when you start a poem without rhyming and then introduce it later, or if you start with rhyming and then drop it later. Sometimes these sorts of effects can be used to enhance the words and meaning, but in general it is a good idea to pick either rhyming or not rhyming, but don't mix them.

Third, I recommend coming up with some sort of regularity to the length of your lines and where you have line breaks. I don't usually use meter, just because I'm bad at it, but I almost always count syllables and try to shoot for about the same number of syllables in each line. Or, if you want a line to have more syllables than others, do it deliberately, but don't just pick random line breaks. If you don't want to count syllables, you could also just approach it from an aesthetics perspective. What I mean is, you can just eye up your lines and try to make the poem look like a column, with no lines sticking too far out from the others.

I've presented a very simple approach to poetry here, and these suggestions are by no means rules, but I've personally found them to be helpful, and I wish somebody had told me these things back when I started writing, because I would have had a much better idea of how to approach a poem. I hope this helps you. Continue your exploration of poetry writing; it is a fantastic world.