More So

Eyes telling no untruth,
Seeking out no flaws, my impurities
Only friendship, my trust
More so than a human.

No pig in a poke
In those understanding eyes.
Nothing to dye his hair
To a shade unfamiliar to me,
Not so, with a human.

How to go bankrupt with him around?
For diamonds please him not.
His treasures, he stores inside
Always ready to share with me,
More so than a human.

His power, his influence
Whisks me away, giving me freedom
To express myself as he does,
The cold air of awkwardness absent,
More so, than with a human.

Label me a hermit,
A recluse if you will,
A betrayer to my own kind.
But who is it that betrays exceedingly?
My horse, surely not,
No more than any human.

I like this poem but I find how the ending line for each stanza is similar destracts it from the actual part of the poem although that is my opinian others may think different

Keep writing!

I like how this is about a horse. I think every word you said could be true (I've never had a horse, so I wouldn't know.), but I don't doubt a word you said.

There were places that this sounded a bit awkward, but they're insignficant, and if you just read over it you could probably catch it.

shiney1 wrote:Eyes telling no untruth,
Seeking out no flaws, my impurities
Only friendship, my trust
More so than a human.

No pig in a poke
In those understanding eyes.
Nothing to dye his hair
To a shade unfamiliar to me,
Not so, with a human.

How to go bankrupt with him around?
For diamonds please him not.
His treasures, he stores inside
Always ready to share with me,
More so than a human.

His power, his influence
Whisks me away, giving me freedom
To express myself as he does,
The cold air of awkwardness absent,
More so, than with a human.

Label me a hermit,
A recluse if you will,
A betrayer to my own kind.
But who is it that betrays exceedingly?
My horse, surely not,
No more than any human.

I *love* it. Humans are terrible creatures, aren't they? (lol) Good job!

Hi, I actually really liked your poem. You did an amazing job with it, because you allowed your reader to connect your poem to something before they knew that it was actually about a horse. A hard thing about poetry is that you have to find a way for your poem to relate to everyone in a way that is special even if you and your reader doesn't share the same experiences. I don't like horses, but while I was reading this I had something else that I had those same feelings for in my mind, so I still enjoyed the poem. I think that is something difficult to do, and you did it perfectly with this. As someone already said, a few of the lines did feel a little out of place and seemed to disturb the flow which could be easily fixed.
Overall, this was an enjoyable and wonderful read.
Hope this helps.