A Treasure Passed

I wrote this several years ago, but I still like it. I'm not really any good at poetry. Criticism is appreciated.

Did you see the rose petal in the sky?
It was very beautiful to my eye.
The colors were bright and very merry.
Sort of, somewhat like a cherry.

Did you hear the birds sing their song sweet?
To match the colors our eyes did meet.
On that sweet day, that very hour.
There was nothing at all that was any what sour.

But like any treasure of the day,
It could not forever stay.
I wish that moment would have last,
But now it's just a treasure passed.

really creative, but you can polish it and elaborate it now it would be much better according to me.

Hope i helped

Yours Truly
- Stephene

Overall I think it is a reasonable attempt, and to say you aren't very good at poetry is a lie. Here you have produced a reasonable poem, and with a little tweaking could be excellent.

For me, the first stanza sounds a little cheesey. In particular the last two lines, the use of merry is fine, but the use of the word cherry seems like it is forced in to make it work.

Secondly, when you hear the poem in your head it sounds like it fits, but on paper, in the last stanza the last two lines don't fully rhyme, and that put me off a little, and again makes it sound forced.

I think it is a neat relaxed poem. But remember this is just my own opinion, and you don't have to agree.

Hope I heped. PM me if you need help

Keep writing.

1st thing: I WANT YOU TO STOP LYING! You should be proud of your poetry because half of the people on here would be jealous.
2nd thing: NITPICKS WITH GRAMMAR AND PUNCUATION (Blue is corrections)
Sort of, somewhat, like a cherry.
A comma needs to be there because it's add on.
Did you hear the birds sing their song, so sweet?
In my opinion a so will help the flow.
There was nothing at all that was any what sour.
This doesn't seem quite right to me. Try this:
Nothing then seemed any sour
3rd thing: The last stanza of your poem didn't seem to match the other two. When your feeling particularly poetic try reading over the poem again and see what you can do there.
Overall: I liked the poem and thought it was very sweet. Don't give up on poetry! Hope I helped!

Aquababe,

This was a good poem considering you wrote it several years ago. I know people my age on older that couldn't even right that right now! There really isn't that much to say other than it was a fun poem to read.

-lilgreendots <3

I really really like this poem of yours! It's short, sweet, and beautiful. I love how you appreciate life and nature and express it in your work for the world to see and love. This is amazing and lovely in every way. Keep on writing! You have talent!
-Ruth

..they're right.."I'm not good at poetry" or something like that is very inappropriate to place before a good poem..Your poem,like what they've said, is so sweet and natural..But your poem sounds a little rough and you rhyme words a little too tight..It's better if you expound things and polish the sentence construction..Anyway, You have a talent and be proud of it..Hope this helps..


..Keep writing!