eager eyes

I'm watching you,
watching her,
watching her with those eager eyes,
beautiful eager eyes.

Because she is beautiful,
full of grace,
that angel face,
she is all i'll never be.

Your eyes they trace her face,
yet she stares the other way,
and still i sit here,
watching you ,
watching her,
watching her with those eager eyes.

She holds your heart in her fingertips,
i hope she doesn't slip and trip,
for your beautiful heart would break,
before my eyes.

She wears her wings around her neck,
unaware she stares the other way,
yet still i sit,
watching you,
watching her,
watching someone else.

Nice.
This like a love rectangle, right? You like someone that likes someone that likes someone else?..
( by " you" i mean the narrator)

I'm watching you
watching her
watching her with those eager eyes
beautiful eager eyes

because she is beautiful
full of grace
that angel face
she is all I'll never be

your eyes they trace her face
yet she stares the other way
and still i sit here
watching you
watching her
watching her with those eager eyes

she holds your heart in her fingertips
i hope she doesn't slip and trip- just seems like you could have said something a little smother- to go with the rest of the poem.
for your beautiful heart would break
before my eyes

she wears her wings around her neck
unaware she stares the other way- I don't really get that part. Could be just me.What are you trying to say?
yet still i sit
watching you
watching her
watching someone else

Ohter than that, nice job! I like the whole watching you thing-thing.Good Job.

Try to use punctuation with your stanzas, it gives the reader more of a feel how to read it. Also, correct your grammar (capitalization mostly). Other than that, great poem. I love the emotion put into it. Very well done.

Hello there and welcome to YWS!
I think the biggest turn off about your poem is the lack of punctuation. For that reason, it's hard to grasp any emotion, originality or captivating elements. You know, a full stop and a comma or whatever, can say a lot in a poem. Other than that, there is not much I can say. Just keep on writing.

I look forward to seeing more work by you.
PM me for anything.

I think punctuation would help create a better rhythm in the poem, but the language and repetition added a great effect.

It was more than a good peice of work it was beautiful. You had put it together great with repitition, imagery, and irony. If your grammar was a little better than it would be perfect.