This is not a complete short story, it's a small bit of a longer story I'm writing. There are lots of other fragments on YWS as well, so it's the same characters coming up again in different bits of the story. I just want to post some parts on here to see people's reaction particularly when it's dialogue. Any comments, reviews, impessions or opinions would be great. I really really appreciate it xx
“My brother’s a liar,” Daniel said at last, shifting his position awkwardly as we sat together in the bitter cold,
“He never went to war. He’s right to say we both suffered pneumonia in our childhood, and he’s right to say that the army would not take one of us. But to tell you that he was the one who was sent away to war is a lie. You know his lungs are wrecked, and they have been that way for years. Of course the cigars are no help, and the brandy is no help, but his weakness is nothing new.”
I sighed, and leaned back in the doorway where we crouched on the step. Daniel lit another cigarette and passed it to me, but I tasted nothing. The bitter, icy cold of November and the wind that howls though the city, once a terror in the night, now only a reflection of the stabbing betrayal in my heart. Were there no limits to John’s dishonesty, and selfishness? Would he say anything and lie through his teeth to be who everyone has come to expect him to be?
Reluctantly, I turned back to Daniel and in a smoky breath asked him to elaborate.
“I went to war, Cameo. I lost my sight and took a bullet in the leg while John set his sights on this underground business, while he chased the most elusive women around town and sold the easiest for a small fortune, where was I? A world of blackness surrounded me, while he bathed in his own sordid success. While you, and all the other people of this town grew thin and hard, John carved his niche in the underworld.”
“I assumed you had always been blind, John told me that’s why you couldn’t fight, I can’t believe he would throw that back in your face, his own brother. Not only did you suffer while he made a dishonest fortune, but he never said a good word in your favour, other than to patronise you! I can’t believe it… I can’t believe you don’t tell people the truth!”
Anger was rising in me like a fire, and I ground the butt of my cigarette into the stone doorstep until my fingers singed, my teeth gritted against the lies as well as the cold. Daniel simply shook his head, calmly, slowly. Leaning his head on his arms, and his arms on his knees, he shrugged,
“What good would it do? I know the truth, and now you’ve found the sense to see John for what he really is, you know the truth too. Anybody with any reputation, or sensitivity in this town doesn’t give John an inch, and only smitten women and impressionable boys tend to believe a word he says. The truth will out, and one day John’s world will come crashing down around him. I don’t need to say a word, I’m content to simply sit back and wait for his golden walls to crumble. John has betrayed himself by lying, cheating, spreading rumours, and in good time it will be clear for everyone to see the truth.”
