It doesn't exist

I know this is long, but I just wanted to submit it because I wanted to tell somebody about my situation who doesn't know me, these are my feelings(right now) and yeah it's quite a mess in my head right now, that's why it's so long.

It doesn't exist.

Right?

The Breeze is not warming me, because it's cold.
Doesn't clear my head. Doesn't do anything besides helping
me to think and let tears loose.
I know there isn't anything behind the Rainbow.
Sitting high, high up here, trying to erase pain in my heart? Head? Or you.
I don't know
but
I know it doesn't exist, do my thoughts count as reality?
Is there a point to it? Do I exist?..In Your World?
Can I count them as my reality?
Why so many question, and still no answers.
The Horizon is in front, this is where dreams come true
why not mine? White houses around, breeze cold, i'm freezing
and still, everytime it hits me I'm happier than before
I love you
I want to scream it
but
I ended it when I started it. Isn't it like that?
Sit next to you. Laughing with you.
Making jokes about me. Little looks across the room.
I ended it,right?You still do this to me
but in a different place
it's not here
it's not anywhere
it's just me
it's not something real.
Not like the wind I can still feel tingling in my fingers
or is that not real aswell?
What is real?
Why do people tell lies? Happyness is outrated
it's NOT something that's just there
it's something you have to get by
..I don't know
This is something I'm sure a lot of people want to know..
I don't think I did something wrong but maybe I did
did I?
You still laugh at me, with me
...there
you're still in my life, always..
(well that's my feeling right now)
..in my heart.
You look at me, across the room
your crooked eye..
I love it, I love you
the way it looks at me
it made me feel special and loved by you
but I missunderstood and now the truth's hitting me
You didn't want to go home with me, alone
I remember that, it made me sad
so sad
I am so deep in I don't know how to get out.
You can't help me
But in my world you would.
Why doesn't it exist?
And are these tears of happiness or sadness?
Why won't anyone ask me:
what sadness lengthens romeo's hours?(and why can't I answer like romeo did and why aren't there answers anyway?)
Why aren't there perfect words to describe my thoughts
and love?
Why didn't anyone ever think of that, whilst it's such a big picture.
Well, it ended
Because you don't look at me
you walk away from me
not even a look and if you do look
it's not a special one
If you do look it doesn't give the feeling
seems to me it was only a mistake
starting to think
I made a mistake, I shouldn't have told you
It didn't change anything
rather it might've even made it harder
I don't know what to do, to think, i really don't know
I can't express myself the way I want to
you are a light
you would brighten me up
but now I feel sad when I see you..
I wont have that regret of not having told you
but it doesn't make anything,(well more likely, my situation) better
I realise now there are a lot others you can have, regrets I mean.
am I not good enough for you?
Would you like me if I changed? Could you even?
Could I change? Why won't you like me?....for what I am?
Why....so many questions
not any answers.
To scared to talk to you and you don't want to anyway.
Isn't that right?
I love you, I do
I know it's not good but I can't change
and I can't change that fact either.
I would like you to understand
but at the sime time I don't want you to know
if you've got no interest in me.
It's hard for me
My parallel-world doesn't exist.
It doesn't matter what happens there, it's not reality.
I have to look Truth right in the eye
and, I know it's not something easy
there won't be helping hands
so I'll do it on my own, because it doesn't exist.

Hello Laloifi! Welcome to YWS!

So...I have this feeling that you're upset about something. (Yeah, I'm astute like that.) I'm happy to see that you managed to put some of your confusion into word form, it really helps me to do that too. I'll admit, yes, this is on the long side and it gets repetitive, but sometimes the best therapy is to set it all out there--confusion and all--so you can see it clearly. Hopefully you felt a little better once you wrote and posted this. If you need to talk, just PM me with any problems and I'll listen the best I can (well, read since I can't actually hear you) and give you whatever advice I can muster. Don't worry, these things (I'm assuming boy trouble, but it could just as well be something else) get better with time. I know it probably hurts right now, but pretty soon you won't even remember the pain.

Now, I feel like I have to do some actual reviewing so I just wanted to tell you to watch your grammar. There were some odd things like

The Horizon is infront, this is where dreams come true

where you needed a space between 'in' and 'front'. Not anything too big, but distracting all the same. Also in this line

there won't aren't helping hands

you used two verbs, and to make 'won't' work you need to make it 'won't be' or just get rid of 'won't' and keep 'aren't' which works fine all by itself. That all said, it's very difficult to judge grammar in poetry since some of it might just be the writer's style.

Glad that part is over. Again, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know you don't know me, but I promise I'm not a creepy stalker. Just a weirdly strange writer with the odd ability to care about other human beings.


Happy Writing!
Bailey

PS Oh and if you don't know how to PM, just click on my user name and it will take you to my profile where under my avatar picture there will be a link that says something like "Send a private message to user."

@baywolf25
hey:) thank you for reviewing:)
this is sooo cool! yup, its boy-trouble:D
and yes i feel so much better after writing it out
and yes i HAVE to work on my grammar:DD and that won't and aren't thing was because i reviewed it before posting it(well i tried:D and i probably just x-ed the wrong word:') but thanks for telling me now i can edit it:)
well i just kinda needed someone to see it so yeah, thanks for taking your time:)

This is good but I think you need to put it into verses. Since it is a long poem, you can make it feel shorter and more 'flowing' by using verses. They don't have to match, they're just there to separate some lines, like paragraphs.