Adam's Suicide Note

Rated 12+ for language and mention of death.
Quick Info~
I randomly became intrigued with the idea of writing a suicide note. I liked this one, but I might write another one in where the killer is a lot less noble and the story line makes sense.
Novel idea, I know. [Literally]
Anyway. Enjoy.
Slight grammar mistakes are obvious. He's an eighteen year old boy and he's dying, so, he's not really writing his best.
Here~


Dear Reader,
I have finally come up with who this is addressed to. After seventeen tries and retries, over and over again, I finally have the perfect title. Most likely, you’re a police officer, or my mother, or my father, or (as I really hope when she’s old enough) Isabella. You could also be reading this off the archive of suicide notes online or in some musty old police room, stuffed to the ceiling with needless junk and items. I’ve read quite a few myself and picked up some helpful tips.
Even so, this is my . . . twenty-ninth try at a letter? Even though I’ve got the heading right, the info sounds all messed up and confused. I was never a really strong writer, as you know, Mom, but you could have at least read something I wrote. Something. Anything. Well. I know for sure you’ll read or listen to this note. Which is why it has to be perfect. Who knows? This could be another one thrown in my brimming wastebasket. You can read some of the mistakes if you want, I don’t care. It’s to the left of my desk, under the Rolling Stone CDs. Please, feel free.
So . . . a suicide note. I’d like to first let you know that all of the blame rests in Robbie Marcus Richards hands (got that name, sheriff? Robbie Marcus Richards). Dad, that son-of-a-bitch hasn’t been my friend since third grade, and maybe if you had believed me, none of this shit would have happened. … Jesus, I need to watch my language. I don’t want Isabella reading that.
Which is another thing about this whole ordeal. I get it. Isabella won’t understand. And I also get that you think by making her forget about me, she wouldn’t go through trauma. Well, that was fine when Great-Great-Great Grandpa died, but I’m her damn brother. Show some respect. I don’t want you ever pretending I never existed. I want Isabella at my funeral, dressed in her favorite rainbow dress, and I don’t want you to tear my name off her bear or from the tags on her favorite dress up clothes, or even empty my room, repaint it, and call Grandma to live there. And don’t even be shocked that I said that, Mom, because you always told me that’s exactly what you did the second you were lucky enough for me to die.
I know. I’m getting you in trouble with the police now. But listen, sheriff, they were nice enough. They fed me, clothed me, came to my games. My dad read a few of the things I wrote. My mom gave me advice occasionally. Still, my favorite member always is and always will be Isabella. I’d die for that girl. Well, that’s actually what I’m doing right now.
Back to Robbie Richards. I hate him. He threatened me if I ever told anyone, but hey, this is a suicide note, what’ve I got to fear? He tried to rape Isabella. That sick bastard tried to rape my sister when she was two years old. That was freshmen year. God Almighty, I hate Robbie Richards.
I stopped him, obviously. Isabella is fine. Clean and pure and what-not. And since freshmen year, I’ve been protecting her from Robbie Marcus Richards. I’ll say that name again, sheriff. ROBBIE. MARCUS. RICHARDS.
So . . . why did I die?
Good question, reader.
Recently, Isabella’s life has been in danger because of Robbie Marcus Richards (make sure you’ve got that name down. I can say it all day, if you need me to). That’s why I tried to get us to move. That’s why I tried to run away with Isabella. To protect her from--make sure you have your notebooks out--ROBBIE MARCUS RICHARDS.
But the question still stands. Unfortunately, I couldn’t just fall off the radar. I’m a senior now. I have responsibilities and what-not. Moving and slipping off the radar and hiding with Isabella became impossible. Robbie Marcus Richards has gathered enough people that he could easily overtake our house and kill Isabella. He would have killed me, too. He tried, the last time he broke in, just two weeks ago when you guys (uh, sorry--Mom and Dad) were at the game. He almost killed me. But he didn’t.
So listen to me, and listen to me carefully. Get out of here. Take Isabella and leave. If not, get put in witness protection. Have sheriffs surround the house. ANYTHING. Just keep my baby sister safe.
Oh, and police--for proof or whatever, check my closest, right-hand corner, big brown box with the words ‘EVIDENCE’ on it.
This is one of my worst attempts at a letter, but unfortunately, the drugs are starting to kick in.
Goodbye, Isabella. I love you. This is all to protect you. Please, don’t ever forget me.

~ Adam

Hi i'm BuzzBee

I really like this note it kept me interested the whole time just for an idea, if you were going to use it in a novel you could have police reports, mothers/fathers diary ect it would be quite interesting. I like how it is not perfect as a sucicide note shouldn't be perfect anyway. Hope I helped!

Hey GoldenQuill. I'm RoyalSeal, and I will do my best to review this piece.

Firstly, I thought that this was a really good idea as something to write. I thought it was original and it's not something you often read. I just have two things I would say.

The first is I think it is a little extreme to go to those lengths for something that could possibly be done better when they are alive, and if they have evidence, then I think that would be enough. (Sorry if that sounded really harsh. I don't mean it to.) But the other thing, which is smaller, is would someone take the drugs before they wrote the letter? It's just what I think, but I think they would have done it after they wrote it, so they knew they would get out what they wanted to get out. So if that made any sense at all, that is just what I think.

But other than that, I think that it is a really good idea, and the background you had to it was really good to.

I appreciate that you wanted to do something you thought was different. And though I've seen a fair share of suicide notes/letters from the dead/letters to the dead/etc etc on here, you handled it differently, which gave it your own flavor. However, it's that very unique flavor that I have a problem with.

1) If Adam loves Isabella so much and wants to protect her, then what good is he going to do her when he's dead? ("I’d die for that girl. Well, that’s actually what I’m doing right now." I really don't believe that line.)

2) The decision to commit suicide is one often made in an unstable state of mind. An irrational state of mind. His irrational nature shows through in the fact that he wants to protect his sister, but is also killing himself...make sense? not really. So if he's being so irrational, then why is everything he has written so clear and organized and his language so proper?

3) Robbie Marcus Richards. Is he a gang lord or something? What teenager gets together a bunch of dudes to raid a house to rape a two-year-old girl and kill a guy? We need some back story. Otherwise, my initial thoughts on all of these characters are typical suburban folks with some personality issues. What teenager can band enough teenage friends for his rape-a-two-year-old cause?

Jesus, I need to watch my language. I don’t want Isabella reading that.

It's not like it's a tape recorder. If he's so concerned about his language, then he can just erase it or scribble it out. I realize you want to inject some personality, but you're straying out of the realm of believability.

because you always told me that’s exactly what you did the second you were lucky enough for me to die.

That's exactly what you'd do? Confusing sentence.

I have responsibilities and what-not. Moving and slipping off the radar and hiding with Isabella became impossible.

More believability issues. If he's so concerned to go to his death for her, then why should getting good grades in school get between him and saving her life?

Oh, and police--for proof or whatever, check my closest, right-hand corner, big brown box

Again, believability. If the proof is so compelling, then take it to the cops while he's alive and do something about protecting her.

the drugs are starting to kick in.

I just don't buy it that he would overdose before he wrote the letter.