The Essay and You

Actually, this all started when my classmate suggested we text in rhymes. Then when my other classmate texted her feelings in rhymes, I figured it would be fun to do it too. (Although this piece is not based on MY experiences and feelings. I just wish.) Btw, I know the title sucks. I didn't even make a title for this one until I realized I needed one for YWS.

I.
I started out writing when I was about four,
not counting my hieroglyphics when I was one, rolling on the floor.

I'm now in my teens and I still continue writing,
but I have matured and sort of dumped my childish drawings.

I've resorted to love letters and stories on our non-existent love,
hoping those things I've wished about us, someday, I'd have.

II.
It was during break time when I finished my latest story.
I swept my bangs from my face and felt a little chilly.

It was not because it just finished raining, but other than that.
I guess it was because of you who came and across me you sat.

III.
You were in one of your moods and were wearing your teasing smile.
You greeted me; said we haven't been hanging out with each other in a while.

I managed a faint smile and asked what brought you around,
and you grinned and asked me if I do your essay for some snacks, how would that sound.

IV.
I didn't dare risking our friendship so I said I would.
Afterall, you were my bestfriend and I should assist you if I could.

You pinched both my cheeks and said I was the best.
When you gave me our secret wink, my heart went jumping inside my chest.

V.
I stayed in front of the mirror longer than I was used to.
I wanted to look pretty when I give the essay to you.

But all I had were my same old braids and my same old backpack.
I didn't feel pretty 'cause I guess sophistication's what I lack.

VI.
You were sitting at the school bench just as I'd expected.
You were grinning like crazy when you took the paper I handed.

It made me feel twice better 'cause I know that smile came from me,
and when you squeezed my hand and hugged me tight, my smile came out dreamily.

VII.
So you took me out to get something good to eat for a snack.
It was a date, I imagined, although it was not and I knew that.

But it was not that hard to imagine especially when we're alone,
and our arms are linked together as you bought our fav'rite ice cream cone.

VIII.
You started making silly jokes as we strolled around the park.
And when we decided to sit down on a bench, it was nearly dark.

You teased me and asked why I still had my braids.
I giggled as I ran my fingers over the childish hairstyle that I made.

IX.
Then unexpectedly, you tugged the elastic bands from my braids.
You released my plaits and tousled my locks that flowed like silent beach waves.

You grinned and teased how I looked like a girl now, thanks to you.
But I stuck out my tongue at you, not knowing what else to do.

X.
You stopped and stared at me looking kind of sheepish.
When I asked you what's wrong, you turned away as I wondered what I had missed.

You looked back once again and your face was all flushed red.
Then something big struck me - something that you said.

XI.
You reminded me I was the best bestfriend anyone could ever have.
But something started bothering you, you say, you didn't know if it was suave.

I started to talk but you motioned me to listen.
That's when I saw tears on your cheeks that glistened.

XII.
You told me, almost in a whisper, that you're feeling something else by then.
You said you didn't know if it's okay, but you're liking me more than a friend.

Quickly, you looked away and exhaled in relief, I reckoned.
And I burst out giggling, realizing my bestfriend just said my exact feelings I had wished to begone.

XIII.
We sat side by side, laughing and struck dumb at what happened.
And the burden I had in my heart had amazingly lightened.

You nuzzled my head and playfully rubbed my tear-stained cheeks.
And we played until the first drops of rain had started to leak.

XIV.
You walked me home after, and we got really soaking wet.
But like you said, it didn't really matter, as long as we had our feelings set.

I'm so grateful to God for you and that essay andthat wonderful night.
My made-up stories came true so I figured my impossible dreams, too, might.

Hey there Kate! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this.

What I like:
-Cute Idea. It's really, really a sweet idea for a cute little poem.
-The couplets. A lot of poems I've seen either just have one massive stanza, or they break it up into quatrains. The couplets go with the cute idea.

What didn't work for me:
-The rhyme. A lot of it didn't actually rhyme, and sometimes, it felt as if the words were placed where they were simply because it would rhyme, not because it made much sense.
-The meter. There wasn't much of a rhythm, so there wasn't much of a flow to the piece. And flow is kind of essential.

Overall:
Cute, cute idea. Nice styling with the couplets, though I'm not really big on the roman numeral things. xD Work on rhyme and meter. This poem has so, so much potential.

Keep writing!
Sporks

Wow. You know, my friend and I were texting in rhymes, too! I told her it might be fun, so we did it. It was just last week.
By the way, your poem is good. There are parts that aren't smooth. But given the fact that this is like an impromptu (isn't it?) piece, I would say it's good, really.

caoimhinmarc wrote:Wow. You know, my friend and I were texting in rhymes, too! I told her it might be fun, so we did it. It was just last week.
By the way, your poem is good. There are parts that aren't smooth. But given the fact that this is like an impromptu (isn't it?) piece, I would say it's good, really.

Really? And I thought my friends and I are weird. Yes, this is an impromptu piece and I just, like, copied this from my mobile phone.
I know this is a really rough piece (and rhyming poems just aren't my thing, I admit), but I'm really grateful for your reviews.
I guess this would be my first and last try in this area. I'm thinking of focusing on the stuff I know better and just come back to poetry when I think it's the right time. )