Winter

Icey, silver glitters of frost,
They fall, they cover us as we walk,
They hit me in cold, hard spheres,
They fall to earth as frozen tears,

White and shiney blankets of snow,
And you're behind me where ever I go,
We lay as angels on the less green grass,
And make a snow man till the free hours pass,

Timeless and traditional as the winter goes,
I kiss you and my palms have froze,
I take your hands and laugh you know,
We may only have a while to go,

It's like ten years ago, you said to me,
We were singing around this Christmas tree,
Love is timeless, as is the snow,
They stay with me where ever I go. ♥

SakuraFallsSweetly♥ wrote:Icy, silver glitter of frost, I'm not sure this is the best, or strongest, line to begin with.
They fall and (cut 'they') cover us as we walk,
They hit me in cold, hard spheres, Awkward phrasing- the technical nature of the word 'sphere' clashes with the imagery.
...
White and shiny blankets of snow,
...
We lay as angels on the less green grass, How about 'yellowed' grass?
...
I take your hands and laugh you know, Huh?
...
It's like ten years ago, you said to me,
We were singing around this Christmas tree,
Love is timeless, as is the snow,
They stay with me where ever I go. I'm not sure what part of this is the dialogue. If it's "It's like ten years ago," and "We were singing around this Christmas Tree," add some quotation marks. If it's not I would add 'when you said to me' and then add the appropriate quotes.

Overall:
I really enjoyed it! The imagery was nice, and I got the feeling I was frolicking in frozen fields with my pet ferret- or lover I suppose. XD
The message about love is pretty strong, and it does well conveying the emotion without becoming trite or nauseating gooeylovemush.
Good job!

I enjoyed this poem so much especially since it's winter and the holidays are coming up

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer for today, this piece seems rushed. I shall review this by stanza so as to get all the good and bad out easily enough. Lets begin.

Icey, silver glitters of frost,
They fall, they cover us as we walk,
They hit me in cold, hard spheres,
They fall to earth as frozen tears,

Generic beginning doesn't exactly hook me to read further, one thing it does make obvious it's about snow. Then the snow turns into hailstones and we have a cliché line about frozen tears. From the very start it's clear you've rushed this, spitting out random terms which seem good, but not exactly thinking. It doesn't even seem to make any sense except perhaps in a extremely contrived sense.

White and shiney blankets of snow,
And you're behind me where ever I go,
We lay as angels on the less green grass,
And make a snow man till the free hours pass,

Behind door number 1 a faceless person who comes out nowhere. When did the second person get here, why did he just appear, why is the grass less than green, would it not be white if it's covered with snow? I don't fully understand this whole stanza, first random person enters then grass is less than green not white. There is no consistency! It drives you round the bend, and not in a good way! Oi vey!

Timeless and traditional as the winter goes,
I kiss you and my palms have froze,
I take your hands and laugh you know,
We may only have a while to go,

What is timeless and traditional? Why has the person froze, is this reference to Titanic. This stanza makes even less sense and I'm asking more question than I should be. This doesn't bode well for you, not at all. It just goes to show my first thought was right, you rushed this. It absolutely shows.

It's like ten years ago, you said to me,
We were singing around this Christmas tree,
Love is timeless, as is the snow,
They stay with me where ever I go.

I'm just puzzled beyond belief now. If this was a love story, it was a freaking strange one, it had more twisted than a M Night Sylamahan film and that isn't a good thing either. I can't figure out what going on from each stanza as they don't seem to connect except by snow.

Overall: This is an extremely convoluted mess, no one has any idea what's going on, it doesn't seem to follow the style of most stanza poems, going for gradual progress. Instead it caution to the wind, and just rushes through random occurence that may have passing link to snow, but nothing else. You need to work on poetry, not spit out a random one everyday.

Hope this helps.

this poem explains winter very clearly and i love the part love is timeless as the snow means alot to me <3

Hi there there are things that I like about this poem and others where I think you need some improvement.

Starting from the first stanza:

Icey, silver glitters of frost,
They fall, they cover us as we walk, the us next to the as ruins the flow
They hit me in cold, hard spheres,
They fall to earth as frozen tears,

I really like this two sentences:

...We lay as angels on the less green grass,
And make a snow man till the free hours pass,

However I don't really like these other two:

White and shiney blankets of snow,
And you're behind me where ever I go,

I heard the last phrase too many times and for me it's just too cliche.

The first two sentences of this stanza are nice however I don't like the third and forth sentence of it. This is because they are just it's too vague in my opinion, a while to go where?

Timeless and traditional as the winter goes,
I kiss you and my palms have froze,
I take your hands and laugh you know,
We may only have a while to go,

The last stanza is nice:

It's like ten years ago, you said to me,
We were singing around this Christmas tree,
Love is timeless, as is the snow,
They stay with me where ever I go

However I think the last sentence is vague , you said :'they stay with me wherever I go' who or what ... do you mean memories

Overall I think the poem needs some improvement but I enjoyed reading it ...

Hey there dear! I'm Warrior Princess annnnnnnd I am going to review your poem, 'kay? 'Kay.

Icey, (I believe it's spelled "icy") silver glitters of frost, Pretty words!!
They fall, they cover us as we walk,
They hit me in cold, hard spheres, Cold, hard spheres? That sounds more like serious hail than sparkly snow!
They fall to earth as frozen tears, As much as I like this simile, it's sliiiiiiightly cliche. You know, the whole precipitation-as-tears thing, which quite probably began with the Egyptian myth that the rain was the tears of Isis weeping for Osiris. . . . But we digress.

White and shiney (It's spelled "shiny") blankets of snow,
And you're behind me where ever I go, Okay, nitpicky gripe, but why would he be behind her, not beside her?
We lay (This should probably be "lie" if it's in the presnt tense) as angels on the less green grass, The "angels" part is a very pretty little reference to snow angels. However, I would leave out the word "less;" it doesn't sound right.
And make a snow man till the free hours pass,[/b]

Timeless and traditional as the winter goes, I like this line.
I kiss you and my palms have froze, The grammatically correct (but non-rhyming word would be "frozen.")
I take your hands and laugh you know, The "you know" is kind of awkward here. Does it mean he knows, or is it just the whole "you know" sentence filler?
We may only have a while to go,

It's like ten years ago, you said to me, I would omit the word "like."
We were singing around this Christmas tree,
Love is timeless, as is the snow,
They stay with me where ever I go. ♥ Last three lines, very nice.

Overall: A very pretty little poem. It's not trying to be deep or radical or controversial; just a small glimpse into a romance, against the beautiful backdrop of Christmas. I loved it! Definitely keep writing.

~Warrior Princess <3