Chapter one, the true beginning

Eighteen year old Felix Windbow was going on a hunting trip. He was in his final year of apprenticeship. His master, Andreas, was a metal smith, and was also a member of the council. Hunting was the apprentice's way of winding down. His little brother, Levi, accompenied him on this trip. Which wasn't irritating or disappointing. In fact, Felix enjoyed his brother's company. They were more than family, they were best friends, and did everything together. From chopping down firewood to hunting in the woods when they were finished with their chores. They had the deepest bond one could never find anywhere else. On this trip, they were going to be hunting by Frondletin’s Lake, a place not only suitible for large fish, but also a great hunting spot. The lake was crystal clear and the grass was an emerald shade of green. Animals often came here to graze and drink from the lake, while the fish swam just out of the predator's reach. That made it the perfect spot for the brother's trips. While Felix was the well trained hunter, Levi was an expert fisherman. When they got to there destination, Felix took out his bow and Levi hooked a worm on his fishing pole, and the brothers sat and waited. Levi wasn't exactly one for talking loudly, (as that is a good hunting habit) and whispered to Felix," Brother. Why do the Rulers of the Earth kill so many innocent lives?"
The reason this question came up is because there had been news of various attacks from that tribe. You see, they did not actually rule the earth, though they had a way with the dust and soil that nobody else could possibly imagine. Some say they were born from the earth it's self, which of course may not be too far off judging by their looks.
So after some thought, Felix replied," Well, I really don't know. Some people just are born that way I suppose. "
“Oh. “at this, Levi fell silent. Then, he said," Just promise me that you won't ever become like one of them. "
“That is just about the easiest promise that I could ever make."
“Swear on the mountain of Grethor?"
This is how Levi sealed his promises, by making the other swear on the mountain of Grethor, which ,in lore, was a mountain full of warrior's spirits.
“I promise upon the mountain if Grethor."
So with that, the brothers sat in silence, other than the twang of an arrow or the splashing of a fish being pulled out of his watery home.

When they returned, they were carrying enough meat to feed the hungriest carnivore for a month and then some. Levi started gutting the fish and skinning the game while Felix prepared a fire for cthe ooking. Now, something you should know is that the two brothers were orphans. Their parents had died of mysterious causes and the story seemed to change to every person who you asked. So all the boys had left were each other. Felix was in the act starting a fire when a woman's voice screamed, “They’re here! They've come and are killing innocent lives and making the entire town as we know it into nothing and rubble as the tellers foretold it!" There was a crash as a chunk of the ground came and knocked down twenty trees in a row like a bowling ball. And with that, the women blacked out into a heap on the grass. There was more screaming, and then Felix heard them. Thousands of chanting voices that sounded like sandpaper against rough wood. There had never been anything that had scared the mighty warrior Felix, though the sound of the terror and commotion were enough to turn his blood cold and make all of the hair on his neck stand on end. He was paralyzed, then only one thought hit him harder than a rusty knife shot out of a cannon.
Levi. That snapped him into his right mind. Protect Levi. He is all I have left.
“Stay here" Felix ordered. “I’m going to go help the townsfolk shorten the lifespan of these pests." Though his little brother heard the sternness in his voice, he wanted to help.
“Let me come with!"
"No! It's too dangerous! Hide yourself in the woods, and remain hidden! I can't afford to lose you, too!"
“But..."
“Do as I say!" Levi had never heard such urgency in his brother's voice, and was afraid.
“I will be waiting for you!" and Felix would remember those words for the rest of his life.

The town was in pure chaos. People were screaming as boulders were crushing anything and everything in their path. The rulers of the earth were ruthless. If anything was in their path, it would be destroyed.
The men were fighting like lunatics, trying to get their children and wives out of harm's way. Felix went right to work at trying to kill many of the invaders, first to the left and then the right. The army seemingly never even faltered. When one went down, ten would take his place.
There were too many of them, and more than one time Felix was saved from death by a neighbor who happened to stab his sword in the right spot at the right time. Luck or fate Felix asked himself, though there was no time for pondering. His sword was like a blur of fury, in which made Felix a dangerous opponent. He heard voices crying out for others, and many answers. A blow of a horn, and after what seemed a lifetime of fighting the intruders, it was over. Though the town had easily seen better days. Houses were covered in sand, men were staggering to their wives in which immediately went to work, bandaging the smallest of cuts until the men were covered head to toe in bandages. Felix had a gash on his arm and he thought he had twisted his foot, though a quick feeling of it proved that it was not broken. Felix was helping the people who had not been fighting heal the wounded, until he remembered Levi. Then he ran like the wind, and he promised himself that he would not stop until he knew that his brother was safe. He got to the woods, and then his heart froze. For he could easily see footprints, blood, and Levi was nowhere to be seen.
"LEVI!" Felix yelled at the top of his lungs. "LEVI!" though he knew that the only answer he would get was his own echoes. "You will pay for this, people of the mud...YOU WILL PAY!"
And with that, he broke into tears. For now, he was all alone.


“So you are saying that you want to leave this town?"
Felix was currently in a wide room made of marble, with chairs made of Yeomin Turquoise ( a magnificent rare, diamond hard gem). After the past incident, Felix had consulted the council to give him permission to leave the town. "For what purpose?"
The bold voice talking belonged to a man. Well, not exactly a man.
Then again, you could not call him a tiger either. He was more a mix between the two. With the haunches, front paws, and eyes of a tiger, the rest of him was humanoid. Anyway, his name was Orion, and If you must know, his species is a Higer.
"That is a personal matter. " Felix could not bear to talk about his brother that he had loved so much that had been ripped from his little life so early. He also didn't want to tell the council that the reason he was going was for revenge.
“Well, no matter. I say we might as well grant him his request. However, be wary. Outside of these gates are greater dangers then you can imagine."
“I understand."
“Then you have my permission. Pack your bags and return here by seventeen hundred hours. No later. You may then receive your pass to exit the gate."
“Thank you."
After another thanking to the council, and a deep bow ( as respect) and was on his way home. When he left, Orion gave a sigh.
“Now, now. We all know that you have had a liking to the boy, since his parents... Well... You know. And we all also knew that one day he was going to leave." said Andreas, Felix's former master.
Now, about the nature of Higers, they are solitary creatures. Rarely (if ever) do they make friends with anyone, especially humans. Though Orion was not the average Higer ( for if he were, he would not be part of the council) and seemed to watch over the boys, yet did not know about Levi. Yet.
"Yes, I know." he replied.

Meanwhile, Felix was packing all of his belongings. His house was not exactly the greatest. All of the things he owned were able to fit into his leather satchel. He started by packing clothes, then he went on to pack other items. He hesitated at a picture that no longer applied to him.
It was a photo of his family, his mom, dad, brother, and himself all in the old house that Felix was forced to sell when he was only seven years of age. His brother had been a mere baby. Felix stared at the old faded photo, and wished for the millionth time that he was just an ordinary teen with two parents, a brother, and a large (ish) house. Though he wasn't and there was nothing he could do about it. He packed away the picture in a safe spot. Then with a last look at his home, he walked outside, and knew that he may never see it again.

Fun facts!
Levi means united, yet he gets taken by the Rulers of the Earth.
Felix means happy and prosperous. let's all hope that the fourtune of his name will help him.
Andreas means strong and manly. fitting name, for a smith.
and Orion is a hunter in Greek Mythology. In the story, Orion is half tiger, a preditor.

Chapter One, the True BeginningYou can leave this out. We already know this information
Felix Windbow was hunting when the tale begins of course he was when the tale begins, that's why you started the first chapter telling us he was hunting. Maybe tell us that "he was hunting in the dark forest, trying to find game for supper". Felix you could change this to "he" as you haven't introduced anyone else yet. was in the final year of his apprenticeship with his masterhis masters name?, for he is eighteen you could put this at the beginning saying "eighteen year old Felix Windbow...". His master was a smith, (a smith being one who works with all kinds of metal) Just say he is a metal smithand he was a also member of the council, too take this away. He was in a meeting, and he hadn't given Felix any tasks to complete while he was away Felix had some time on his hands. You've already told us he is hunting and his master didn't give him anything to do so you can leave this out

Hunting was his way of winding down. His little brother, Levi, accompanied him on this trip. Which wasn't uncommon. His little brother, Levi, often accompanied him on his hunting trips.The brothers were more than family, they were best friends, no commaand did everything together. From chopping down firewood to hunting in the woods when they were finished with their chores.We already know Levi hunts with him. You are repeating yourself. They were inseparable. New paragraphOn this trip, they were going to be hunting by take this outFrondletin’s Lake, a place not only suitable for large fish, but also a great hunting spotone of the best hunting spots in the countryside. When they got to reached their destination, Felix took out his bow and Levi hooked a worm onto his hook and cast his fishing pole into the shimmering blue water, and the brothers sat and waited. Levi’s brown hair was being messed with by the wind. The wind running it's fingers through Levi's hair, twisting it into a mess on Levi's headLevi who wasn't exactly one for talking loudly, (as that isleave it out a good hunting habit,) and take them out as wellnow whispered to Felix,
"Brother, why do the Rulers of the Earth kill so many innocent livespeople?"
The reason that this particular question came up arose is because there had been news of various attacks from that tribeis this the right word?. You see, they the Rulers of the Earth did not actually rule the earth at all. Though they had a way with the dust and soil maybe instead you could say "a way with the elementsthat nobody else could possibly imagine. Some say they were born from the earth it's selfitself, which of course may not be too far off judging by their looksdescribe their looks. Even if you just say they had yellow wrinkled skin and sunken eyes.
After some thought, Felix replied," Well, I really don't know. Some people just are born that way I suppose. "
“Oh.” at this, Levi fell silent. Then, he said," Just promise me that you won't ever become like one of them. "

“That is just about the easiest promise that I could ever make. "Felix replied rolling his eyes

“Swear on the mountain of Grethor?"Levi asked, looking at his brother for assurance.

This is how Levi sealed his promises, by making the other swear on the mountain of Grethor, which ,in lore, was a mountain full of warrior's spirits.

“I promise upon the mountain if Grethor."Said Felix, crossing his heart with his index finger

With that, the brothers sat in silence, other than the twang of an arrow or If Felix actually shoots something there would be a commotion wouldn't there?the splashing of a fish being pulled out of his watery home.

When they returned, they were carrying enough meat to feed the hungriest carnivore for a month and then some. Levi started gutting the fish and skinning the game while Felix prepared a fire for the cooking. Now, something you should know is that the two brothers were orphans. Their parents had died of mysterious causes many years beforeand the story seemed to change towith every person who you askedtold it. So all the boys had left were each other. Felix was in the act starting a fire we already know he was starting a fire.suddenly a woman's voice screamed, “They’re here! They have come and are killing innocent lives change to mercilesslyand making the entire town as we know it into nothing and rubble as the tellers foretold it!" There was a crash as a chunk of the ground came and knocked down twenty trees in a row like a bowling ball. And with that, the women blacked out and fell in a heap on the grass. There was more screaming, andtake it out then Felix heard them.

Thousands of chanting voices that sounded like roughsandpaper against wood.

There had never been anything so he's completely fearless? "There were only a few thingsthat had scared the mighty warrior Felixwhen did he become a mighty warrior? I thought he was just and apprentice!. The sound of the terror and commotion were enough to turn his blood cold, and make all of the hair on his neck stand on end.

He was paralyzed, then only one a thought hit him harder thanlike a rusty knife shot out of a cannon.

Levi. That snapped him into his right mind.delete Protect Levi. He is all I have left.
“Stay here" Felix ordered. “I am going to go help the townsfolk shorten the lifespan of these pests."
Though his little brother heard the sternness in his voice, he wanted to help.“Let me come with!" He shouted
"No! It's too dangerous! Hide yourself in the woods, and remain hidden! I can't afford to lose you, too!"cried Felix over his shoulder as he ran to grab his bow and the quiver full of arrows

“But..."Levi began

“Do as I say!" His brother shouted back at him as he ran to join the battle.

Levi had never heard such urgency in his brother's voice, and was afraid.“I will be waiting for you!" He called

Felix would remember those words for the rest of his life.

Felix ran, the warm afternoon breeze was going through his midnight black hair. His bright blue eyes shone with a fury that only a true warrior could have. Then he hesitated, only for one moment, as he saw the town. It was in pure chaos. People were screamingscreamed as boulders were crushing crushedanything and everything in their path. The Rulers of the Earth were ruthless. If anything was in their path, it would be destroyed.I think we already figured that out

The men were fighting like lunatics to the death, trying to get their children and wives out of harm's way. Felix went right to work at killing many of the invaders, first to the left and then the right. The army seemingly never even faltered. When one went down, ten would take his place.

There were too many of them, more than onece Felix was saved from death by a neighbor who happened to stab his sword in the right spot at the right time.Luck or fate? Felix asked himself, though there was no time for pondering. His sword was like a blur of fury, in which made Felix a dangerous opponent. He heard voices crying out for others, and many answers. A blow of a horn, and after what seemed a lifetime of fighting the intruders, it was over. Though the town had easily seen better days. Houses were covered in sand, men were staggering to their wives in which immediately went to work,The wives and children all fled remember bandaging the largest of snapped bones, to the smallest of cuts until the men cange to wounded were covered head to toe in bandages. Felix had a gash on his arm and he thought he had twisted his foot, though a quick feeling of it proved that it was not broken.

Felix was helping the people who had not been fighting heal the wounded, until he remembered Levi. Then he ran like the wind, and he promised himself that he would not stop until he knew that his brother was safe. He got to the woods, and then his heart froze. For he could easily see footprints, blood, and Levi was nowhere to be seen.

"LEVI!" Felix yelled at the top of his lungs.a lump formed in his dry throat and tears sprang to his eyes "LEVI!" he shouted again,though he knew that the only answer he would get was his own echoes. "You will pay for this, people of the mud...YOU WILL PAY!"

And with that, he broke into tears. For now, he was all alone.
***
“So you are saying that you want to leave this town?"

Felix was currently now in a wide room made of marble, with chairs made of Yeomin Turquoise ( a magnificent rare, diamond hard gem). After the past incident, Felix had consulted the council to give him permission to leave the town.

"For what purpose?" The bold voice talking belonged to a man.

Well, not exactly a man.Then again, you could not call him a tiger either.He was a Higer.A mix between the two. With the haunches, front paws just say "paws" , and eyes of a tiger, the rest of him was humanoid. His name was Orion.

"That is a personal matter.” Felix could not bear to talk about his brother who he had loved so much that had been ripped from his little life just a few hours ago. He also didn't want to tell the council that the reason he was going was for revenge.
"Well, no matter. I say we might as well grant him his request." Who's talking here?
“However, be wary. Outside of these gates are greater dangers then you can imagine." Is this the same person who spoke above or someone new?
“I understand." Felix told them/him
"Then you have my permission. Pack your bags and return here by seventeen hundred hours. No later. You may then receive your pass to exit the gate." said....

After another thanking to the council, and a deep bow ( as respect) and was on his way home.

When he left, Orion gave a sigh.
“Now, now. We all know that you have had a liking to the boy, since his parents passed. We all also knew that one day he was going to leave." said Andreas, Felix's former master.[/color[color=#00FF00]If you decide to give us the name of Felix's master in the first paragraph, take this part out

Higers are solitary creatures. Rarely do they make friends with anyone, especially humans. Orion however, was not the average Higer. He seemed to watch over the boys, though he did not know about Levi's fate. Yet.

"Yes, I know." Orion replied.

Meanwhile, Felix was packing all of his belongings. He lived in a rather small house so all of the things he owned were able to fit into his leather satchel. He started by packing clothes, then he went on to pack other items. He hesitated at a picture that no longer applied to him.

It was a painting of his family, his mom, dad, brother, and himself all in the old house that Felix was forced to sell when he was only seven years of age. His brother had been a mere baby. Felix stared at the old faded piece of art, and wished for the millionth time that he was just an ordinary teen with two parents, a brother, and a bigger house.

However, he wasn't and there was nothing he could do about it. He packed away the picture in a safe spot. Then with a last look at his home, he walked outside, and knew that he may never see it again.

All in all it's good. You can and should tell us more about his feelings though, what's going through his mind. Remember to put any thoughts into Italics and try not to repete yourself to often
Great beginning though, can't wait for chapter two!
Regards
~Missy~

That was really good, but I have a few pointers. I seemed stiff, more explaining that action. Here's an example
"Now, something you should know is that the two brothers were orphans. Their parents had died many years before and the story seemed to change with every person who told it. So all the boys had left were each other."
In my opinion, it would sound better like this
"Felix looked over the fire at Levi, the only family he had left after being orphaned all those years ago. He would rather die than loose him."
But that just my opinion, do whatever you want. Other than that, I loved it. Keep writing!

Cool. More action, less talk. one minute while I make a few edits.