The Bucket List - Prologue

Prologue:

My fingers, flaming red, burned in agony from the cold wind that wound around my body. Unable to move my hands, I lifted my arm and wiped the tears from my freezing cheeks with the green cuff of my jacket. My fingers, toes, face, and heart burned with an agonizing pain.

My eyelashes became thick with the white snowfalkes that thickly fell across the park. Sucking in a deep breath, I rest my head on the blue metal of the bench I sat on. As I felt the melting snowflakes seep through my black hair, I closed my eyes, and couldn't help but remember

My eyes snapped open. Looking around my familiar room, I wiped the sweat away from my forehead and pushed my soggy pillow to the ground. My blue eyes wandered over to the red alarm clock, and I read the boxy numbers. 1:23. I felt my stomach lurch. The instant I flung my body up into a sitting position, liquid flew out of my mouth and all over the white blanket and my hands. But there was something strange about this liquid. It wasn't vomit. It was a dark color and was warm, sticky, and the smell burned my nose and made my stomach lurch again. More liquid flew out of my mouth.

"Dad!" I screeched so loud my lungs felt like they were going to explode.

Again, the liquid flew from my mouth. Dad came in, his eyes crazed, and he flipped on the bright light. When he saw me his face went pale.

Looking at the crimson liquid, I felt my own face drain color.

As more blood poured from my mouth my dad exclaimed "Oh god!"

Ten minutes later I was in the hospital. Dad and I waited. And waited. We waited for what seemed like hours before a doctor came in, closing th pale wood door closed behind him.

With somber eyes, the doctor said "I have some-" He paused for a second.

Continuing, he said "I have some news that I know you probably aren't going to like."

My fingers crushed together as my dad's grip tightened.

The doctor then said "Amelia, I'm sorry to say, you have cancer."

Sniffiling, I stood up from the bench and began crunching my way through the flawless white snow, leaving the tracks of my pink boots behind me.

Today I celebrate my sixteenth birthday. I'm just glad that they let me out of the hospital. Dr.Jzay said that at this point, there was nothing they could do. The cancer was to far along. So thankfully, they let me go.

They all, even my dad, are begging me to take the medication. But I reall don't want to. I don't want to live the rest of my life some blank, emotionless, depressed, thing. I want to have fun, and live what life I have left.

There is a saying that you should live every day like your last, because you never know when you're going to die. Well I do. I have three months, and an entire life to live.

So far, so good, just remember to watch yourself for any typos (you have a few) and such. Other than that, I would've liked this to be just a little longer.

[quoteThere is a saying that you should live every day like your last, because you never know when you're going to die. Well I do. I have three months, and an entire life to live.][/quote]

Brilliant ending. It makes us really sympathetic and it brings reality straight to us. No wishy-washy stuff. Blank truth. It is really raw, and really well-done. Now as the story progresses, your biggest challenge will be to keep this story original; after all, this sort of thing has been written about multiple times. Don't take the completely typical route - throw us a couple surprises now and then, make it unique, and remember to voice your character well. But I'm rushing ahead, of course. Like I said already, so far so good.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hi! I'm Narniafreak!

Wow. This kind of blew me away. I really felt the pain Amelia felt. And I kind of felt sad because of her predicament. It's a fantastic way to start a beginning. I definitely want to know how she is going to live a lifetime in three months. Great job!

My fingers, flaming red, burned in agony from the cold wind that wound around my body. Unable to move my hands, I lifted my arm and wiped the tears from my freezing cheeks with the green cuff of my jacket. My fingers, toes, face, and heart burned with an agonizing pain

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I liked the "flaming red". It's very vivid. However, in this paragraph you use "burned" twice. I don't know if it makes a difference, but you may want to change that so you don't sound repetitive. Also, I'm not entirely sure why her body "burns". Is it because of the cold or her cancer?

My eyelashes became thick with the white snowfalkes that thickly fell across the park.

You use "thick" and "thickly" in the same sentence. I would change one of these.

More liquid flew out of my mouth.

In a sentence before this, you describe the liquid coming out in the exact same way. I don't think it matters that much that it's the same, but you could change it. You also, repeat this a few paragraphs later.

As more blood poured from my mouth my dad exclaimed "Oh god!"

I think you may want to put a comma after "exclaimed".

Dad and I waited. And waited. We waited for what seemed like hours before a doctor came in, closing th pale wood door closed behind him.

You use waited three times in these three sentences. I know you are trying to show that if seemed like a long time, but maybe change it. Also, you have that the door was being closed twice in the same sentence.

Dr.Jzay said that at this point

There needs to be a space between Dr. and Jzay.

Well, that's all I could find, but still this is a really great piece. I hope my suggestions help. I really like your details and descriptions. They are very vivid and distinct. So great job! And keep writing more!

-Narniafreak!

P.S. If you have any questions, need another review, post more of this story, or need help with anything else feel free to PM.

Hey there, I'm Chelle!

This is beautiful! I really enjoyed reading this prologue, but there's just a few minor things that caught my eye(I'll try not to repeat the ones that NarniaFreak did):

The cancer was to far along.

Wrong form of "to," you should be using too instead. "To" is used in sentences like "I have to go to work or I'm about to fall. "Too" is used for things like too much, too many, too long, too slow. I'm sure there's a better way of explaining it haha, sorry if you still don't understand!

But I reall don't want to.

You just forgot the 'y' on 'really' here!

I don't want to live the rest of my life some blank, emotionless, depressed, thing.

I think you might have meant to have the word 'like' after the word 'life'. If you didn't, you should add it in there anyways.

Nothing major there at all. Try not to use so much repetition in your writing. I really liked how you use the MC's emotions. It's very real and your writing flows well. The ending was beautifully written, no sugar coating and yet she's accepted her fate and is going to do everything she can to live her life to the fullest. I do wonder one thing: Why is she alone on a park bench on her sixteenth birthday?