Pride Before Drown

I'm posting this here only because it's reviewer Sunday tomorrow, and certain people feel I'm to harsh, well go mad on this .

******

Simple defiance was all it was,
an attempt to fight impossible.
A deep dark tempest of my very own delusions,
swirling, turning, spinning as this abyss messed,
messed the mind, robbed me blind.
It was pride that brought us here.

I dared to laugh at the waves,
ignoring my plight, as they
washed over and drowned
my life, my flailing corpse
choking on the arrogance
of it all.

I mocked the waterfall,
as it crashed over my dreams,
stole my fantasies,
in the troubling bubbling mess
my life turned upside down,
and back to front, as I was pushed
into the suffocating sea.

I ignored the coming storm,
as the water churned around,
rocking the boats, sinking realities
once shared, lost to the emotionless
tempest of it all.

Really deep. Just one thing-

Simple defiance was all it was,
an attempt to fight the impossible?.

Is that what you meant
or was it

...an attempt to fight the inevitable...?

Because without it ,it just seems incomplete.
Really nice poem, though. Good work!

I thought it was a great poem. Yours is one of the first poems on here where the proper use of commas and periods is used, thank you for that. I really love the meaning of the poem, and it was very well written. I know you're propbably expeting a lot of critism, (sorry spellcheck is not working) but I didn't find anything wrong with your piece.

Hey Lupo!

I like this poem, as Jojo said it's quite deep.

Grammar seems to stand out as the biggest issue here. In poetry the rules of grammar aren't so strict, but you still have to follow them otherwise some things don't make sense. For example; 'Simple defiance was all it was,an attempt to fight impossible.'
Impossible is an adjective, and adjectives sit next to their nouns. Here, however, it doesn't seem to be sitting next to a noun. It should either be 'an impossible attempt to fight,' or 'an attempt to fight the impossible.'
When you write a poem, read it through sentence by sentence, ratehr than line by line, just to be sure that it all still makes sense.

What I love most about this piece. The whole theme of water and a storm works really well, and is consistent throughout the whole thing.
'A deep dark tempest of my very own delusions' - this line especially is my favourite. It seems to sum up the rest of the poem and everything that's happening in it, and it's a very interesting image to grasp.

Overall; I love the idea and the content, you just need to get the basic framework of the sentences right. The more effort it takes your reader to decipher what's being written, the more they'll be distracted from the piece itself.

Hope this helps! Keep it up

Loved it, really, really good! Though the grammer could be better.....