Fester

Once again my friend,
we find ourselves walking along our forgotten memories.
but in the end
(we were never the wiser)

we always forgot to look behind us,
the specter of the evening haunts the steps we leave behind,
in the sand,
three pairs of footsteps,
God, Satan and the son of man.

we're not philosophers,
but sure as hell am human.

we take this in stride,
the demon of the hour will never let me live it down,
but this bottle of never ending sorrow will.

constantly waiting for the dark to get darker,
and the light to finally fester.

Hey Deadenedpulse
Truth here for a quick review! Comments in bold, suggestions in red

Once again my friend,
We find ourselves walking along our forgotten memories,
But in the end
(we were never the wiser) Why the parentheses?

We always forgot to look behind us.
The specter of the evening haunts the footsteps that we leave behind,
In the sand.
Three pairs of footsteps,
God, Satan and the son of man.

We're not philosophers,
But sure as hell am human. Love this

We take this in stride,
The demon of the hour will never let me live it down,
But this bottle of never ending sorrow will.

Constantly waiting for the dark to get darker,
And the light to finally fester. And really love this

Wow I love this poem. Good vocabulary, you choose your words really well, and good imagery. I loved it! Just try keeping the first letter of every line capitalized.
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

This seems like it would be song lyrics more so than just a poem. I'm not sure why I just got that feeling.

The words never seem to fit into a set rhythm. Maybe that was intentional, but it was hard to read and take it while trying to fit things into something steady. Readers tend to feel safer when they can feel an obvious flow, a noticeable rhythm. I assume that you have a "beat" set, but it was hard for me to see and feel. Even with free-verse, it should be able to be read aloud easily with that rhythm.

I also do not understand the purpose of the parentheses at the end of the first stanza. Grammatically, that format doesn't make sense. Perhaps you were going for a certain infliction? I'm not sure.

You also switch tenses a lot.

we always forgot to look behind us,

Past tense.

we're not philosophers,

Present tense.
You see? It's a bit hard to follow. I would suggest picking one to stick with and then just alter the lines that contradict that specific tense.

we're not philosophers,
but sure as hell am human.

These lines don't make sense together. In the first, you say we're. We are. But then in the second, you say am, with no other subject for that to be referring to. If you are still talking about a group, then am would need to be changed to are. However, if am is the correct word you wished to use, then you must have forgotten an I in there.
For example:
"We're not philosophers,
but I sure as hell am human"
or
"We're not philosophers,
But sure as hell are human."

we take this in stride,
the demon of the hour will never let me live it down,

In the entire poem, you use "we," but the second line in this section is different. You say "me." I would suggest staying with the theme and change it to us so it continues to refer to a group like the rest of the piece.

The capitalization throughout is also inconsistent to nonexistent. Sometimes, that's a writer's preferred style, but it is technically incorrect.

All in all, you have a good start to a potentially great piece here. A few tweaks could make it better, but maybe one or two overall adjustments could make it exceptional.
It's a good work, but not done yet.
Keep up the effort and keep the faith.

-Jocelyn.

Hi DeadenedPulse!

Your poem had excellent ideas! I love the fact that the Son and God and the demons are walking together! It's quite a strange idea. However... maybe you can have that group follow the humans? Unless you mean for these guys to be detached from humanity entirely. But in that case, why even mention it?

Also, I am kind of a philosophy dork. So you mentioned philosophy... but you didn't really talk about it anymore? I would love to see this expanded.

All in all, I would love to see more expanded ideas!

And, I would ignore the critiques here about capitalization. That's really not important.

Also, this is grammatically correctly, and it sounds better:

"But we're sure as hell human."

Good luck with expanding this!