Oh Henry

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This is a poem I wrote about Henry VIII of England and all his poor six wives. I was bored when I wrote it and put it up on another writing website I'm on, http://www.panhistoria.com.

Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You divorce dear Katherine of Aragon
You abandoned Mary
Look at what you now must carry
You now have this huge burden

Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You murder Anne Boleyn
On false charges of adultery
And on charges of witchery
You abandoned Elizabeth
Look at what you have just did

Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You let Jane Seymour die
Because of your greed
You are mean
You love Edward


Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You divorce Anne of Cleves
You force her aside
You have a bad mind
You think her unfit for you


Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You murder Katherine Howard
Who can blame her to cheat
You forced her to wed
She should be left a martyr


Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

You die with Catherine Parr
Look how far you are
You leave her in charge
Perhaps you have changed


Oh Henry
What a bad man you have been
You really tend to sin
You make me weary
You have left a legacy
You have left a destiny
You have left England poor
With all of your
Wants of war

Six wives
You naughty boy
Women aren’t your toy
"Together we fight, no matter the price"

-Harlana and Robin, Sweetest Magic




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Points 940
Reviews 44
Well I don't know much about Henry the 8th but your knowledge is clearly good.
It seems more like a song than a poem in my opinion
ashleymae wrote:Look at what you have just did
this line is not really grammatically correct. It should be "Look what your have just done" I'm guessing you did it to rhyme but it would sound better not rhyming than not making sense.
Well I think it's an alright poem but it kinda seems like you've just put all the facts down and haven't put much emotion into it. Most of it is just a report that rhymes. I guess this is because you aren't really emotionally connected to Henry the 8th. You would be better off to write poems about things that you can relate to.

Happy Writing.
If I die young
bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river, at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
<3




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Points 28282
Reviews 884
I agree with the first reviewer on the fact that this sounds like a song. Also, impressive how much you know about this! I think this wealth of knowledge was the primary thing that kept me reading through such a long poem, because I definately didn't know all this stuff. But the problem is, your words just didn't have enough impact. Saying things like "tend to sin" and the voice that speaks to him like a child just kind of weakened your point. That's just my opinion though. The other thing was it seemed kind of like a factual list, too much of a lesson and not enough of a story. It's not too bad, though - all the same, this is a hard topic to write about. Like the person before me said, try finding subjects you can relate to more. You'll find how much easier it is to write about something you can relate to.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Points 1040
Reviews 2
I enjoyed the poem, but like the above comment, it seems more of a song. The flow was nice, and the wording. All in all a very enjoyable read.




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Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Yep! Definitely song material. I would love to see this in some sort of thing in a history class so we can get the history of the wives straight... I always mix up his wives, lol. The one thing about this poem was the farther along it gets, the less inspired it becomes, so after a while it seems a little droll. Even so, good job on making this song! Tweak it, put music to it, and it'll be pretty awesome. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Stop being mean to your self-insert character, you're just being mean to yourself.
— WeepingWisteria