Insolitus Academy Chapter One

Deleted as of next year. Will not be returning(unless I revise or something, which is unlikely). Sorry.

Okay, right off I love your character's voice, and that's what keeps me reading. Another quick thing I noticed is that you don't always get your grammar in - remember commas, apostrophes, yadda-yadda-yadda.

Call me paranoid, but I’ve been attacked by blackboard erasers and been sneezing white chalk dust for weeks before and I have no intention of refreshing my memory of the experience. Hahaha, okay, this completely confused me for a minute. All I could think was, Sneezing white chalk dust? How does chalk dust sneeze? Okay, so I might be having a total blonde moment, or you might want to tweak the sentence structure a little bit

But other than a couple grammar things and typos here and there, this is a pretty cool start to a story. If you want a review on the next chapter, just let me know.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I have got to say, it is great. But I must sadly admit that I saw some flaws in it as well.

You had a few typos and problems with grammar. These are a MUST fix to better your story.

I did like it a lot, aside for those problems. Your style is unique and different; that is good!

I also loved the tone of your writing and the role your character took.

All in all, it was good. Keep writing!

If all you peoples can think of is spelling/grammar mistakes then I personally think this is a success!! But I appreciate the reviews and i hope you'll read the next chapters. Only problem is getting the points to do it. ^^'

Hey! Don't have much to critisize. I loved it! I loved how I could hear May's voice so clearly. That can be hard for some people, it's even hard for me occasionaly.

My only suggestion it that you space some more. It was hard for me to read it all bunched together, and I'm assuming others had that problem too. But other than that, I loved it!

Yeah...I copied this directly from my word document, and for some reason you can't see the indents when its posted. I don't want to double space it because that would make it even LONGER. Since each chapter is at least ten pages, but bear with me.

Hey Blade, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

What was it, five inches? Maybe? I didn’t think it came that short.

Is the "five inches" comment serious? Because that's awfully short. Also, watch your tense!

The hall monitors a boy

monitor's.

and a face with enough makeup that at least it appeared flawless.

This seems weird. Anyone's face can seem flawless with enough make-up.

at the bathroom in all it’s glory,

its.

“It means Fury Girl.

I'd just check your Latin grammar, if I were you.

Alright.

II. CLICHÉS

There are some clichés I love. But this is riddled with so many that it's just not working. The school bully, with two cronies. Unnamed cronies at that. A mysterious good-looking boy. An insanely clumsy heroine. A Hogwarts letter. None of it is reading as original.

The letter I'd be particularly uneasy about. Try and see if there's a better way of doing things, the letter has, famously, been done before.

III. OVERALL

Make sure you proof-read, and learn dialogue punctuation!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Yes I know I have a few typo's you peoples don't need to keep telling me, at least not on the same page. And it won't kill you to read it so
And yes i am serious about the five inches thing. The ridiculous shortness of it is the whole point.
I know that I have lots of cliches but i think the point of them being cliche is that so many people use them. I wasn't really intending that for most of them since it's just what I was thinking when i wrote it but that's not really my fault. Amber wasn't going to be in it at all when i started it, but then I thought that having an arch nemesis/school bully/comedy relief character seemed like a good idea. I didn't really mean to make the heroine clumsy, but i wanted to make her realistic and just having her be perfect in every way and miraculously be able to get out of any situation just didn't fit what I was going for. And I don't really care if Harry potter had a letter, I am too because I couldn't think of a better way to do it. Plus I'm pretty sure a lot of schools send letters of acceptance, so it may never have been original. ><
I did check my Latin grammar by the way. I use it alot and though there are multiple words for a meaning I know that Rabies Puella means Fury Girl, or at least something similar.
But thank you for your time anyway.