Sweetest Magic-Part 1-Chapter 1

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The Highlands, Scotland 1191







A year passed horribly for Harlana and Gawaine after what she had done. Her knights had been freed but they refused to leave their lady. So then, were they all confined to her chamber, along with her three maids, Ayne, Bess, and Jane. Her manservant, James, was the only permitted to go back and forth from her chamber to the outside world.

The death of the laird had brought much grief to the clan, this greatly concerned Harlana, for was this man not always cruel to these people that worship him?

Gavin had taken up the position of the laird of Clan Galbraith. And this new laird was just as cruel and ruthless as his predecessor, and yet the people loved him, as they had done to Harlana’s now dead husband.

After his death, Clan Galbraith, along with Clan MacEwen made her an enemy. Her father wanted her head on a pike. Harlana hated them all, the Scots, every single last one of them. There was only five Scots she cared for, her four faithful servants.

This, this further hurt put upon her proved how monstrous all Scots were. Gregory, Charles, Robert, Richard, and James were lucky; they were Englishmen, and to be an Englishwoman was Harlana’s greatest dream ever since these knights came to her and she discovered how the English were civilized, honest, truthful, and loyal, unlike the Scots who were evil all the way down to their very core. They spend their days harming their woman and people, caught up in their petty little wars with other clans.

She sat next to the window with Sir Gregory, watching the rain from the sky poor hard to the ground. They all missed to be outside. She watched James run across the field below from the castle gates to the castle itself.

They all sat in disarray, being confined to such little space, as they were.

They all were on the verge of going mad.

Harlana turned to face the Knight of the Knights Templar besides her. “Sir Gregory, why do they do this evil to us, pray, tell me what ye think about this matter.”

“They are Scots, my lady, there is no other explanation, save that they are Scots.” Gregory said this quietly, not wishing to offend the three proud Scot maids in Harlana’s service, but he said it loud enough for Harlana to hear. He did not worry about offending his lady, for he, like all, know of Harlana’s deep burning hatred for Scots. He turned to face her, his always warm blue eyes, now were cold and forbidding. Again he spoke quietly. “Madam, what do you expect from a Scot? They are all no less the spawns of the Devil himself. The whole lot of them are monstrous creatures of the dark.”

“Aye, Sir Gregory, they are, to that I agree full heartily with yerself.” Harlana paused before speaking again, “Sir Gregory, why do ye not openly show yer hatred for these barbaric peoples, as I openly denounce them all no matter what mayhap come of it? Aye, I care not what these evil traitors think or do to me for what I speak.”

“You are a woman full of pride for your beliefs, are you not, my lady? I merely have no wish to cause offense to your maids who you are fond of.” Gregory turned his attention back to the window. “No right had he or any Scot had to cause hurt upon you as they did. You are a Scottish woman, a lady, a Scot as they are. I make this promise before the good Jesu, that you will be avenged, my lady.”

“Nay, Sir Gregory, I pride myself not a Scot. Sir, I openly denounce them, not because I am proud to believe what I do, but because wrong it is to hide my true feelings, although I might get some hurt in the doing. Yer wish to not offend my maids, though they be Scottish, and yerself be English proves how courtly yer lot is and how evil my lot is. Any Scot, be it man, woman, or child, in a second, given the chance, they all would murder yer kind, Sir Gregory. And aye, my lord, shall I, and all those who were wronged by a Scot would be avenged, avenged mayhap by the English, I suppose.”

Suddenly, the door opened and a soaked James stood there. He had a bright smile on his face. He slammed the door shut, and went to kiss Ayne, who was his wife. She pushed him away, for she herself did not want to become soaked.

“News milady, great and merry news, milady!” James could barely breathe or speak. “Ye and yer lad, Gawaine, milady, and yer knights, and us, will be saved!”

“Of what do ye speak, James?” Harlana asked, curious.

“The English King, King Richard, has somehow, milady, received word of yer and the lad’s plight. He comes here, to this castle to release ye and the lad Gawaine from these Scottish peoples.”

“Good news, it is, that ye have brought to milady, James!” Bess spoke, herself unable to control her excitement as the rest of them in that small chamber.

“My lady,” Charles said, “get we aid from the most greatest men of all, His Majesty, my King Richard. My lady, the good Jesu has finally wished to help you. He has decided ‘tis time for you, as is it time for the little Master Gawaine to be free of all the evils cast upon you by these spawns of the devil, himself.”

“His Majesty, the king is a true and honest man, as is he a just king unto his people and unto all the many peoples of the world,” John added.

“I trust that ye Knights Templar speak truth,” Harlana spoke to her knights, “about yer King Richard. Nay, I doubt not, that ye men, true Englishmen and honorable knights speak truth and naught but the truth.” She turned to James. “Pray, tell me, James, do ye know when the good English King Richard shall come to us?”

“Early on the morrows morn, milady.”













Nottinghamshire, England 1191







Robin stood at Marian’s grave. He mourned her a great deal and uncontrollably. It had been a year since her death and he still could not forget her. How could he?

It angered him greatly that John de Oxford, the Sheriff of Nottinghamshire knew that Guy of Gisborne had murdered Marian, but took no action against him. Justice has ceased to be in the world, it seemed to Robin.

“Robin!” The former Earl heard Alan A. Dale, one of Robin’s men and closest friends say.

Robin sighed and turned around to face Alan who was a good few feet away from him, “What is it now, Alan?”

“One of the men came back from London with news of the king,” Alan said.

Robin had over 100 men posted throughout England to find what they might. Most of them, he did not know who or what they were. Robin entered Sherwood Forest. They walked for at least a good two hours till they came to where a stout old man stood.

“Robin, this here is Geoffrey.” Alan said as he looked around the spot of which they stood to assure themselves that no enemy was near.

“What news do you bring of the good King Richard?” Robin asked.

“King Richard received word of a young Scottish woman, by the name of Harlana Galbraith, I believe, who has been hurt by Scots aplenty. She is daughter to the laird of Clan MacEwen, Edward, and his wife, Kara. She was forced to wed the past laird of Clan Galbraith who had greatly harmed her and their son, Gawaine. Last year past, she killed her husband to save her son from being killed by the laird. Her laird was as cruel a Scot as any is, and shockingly, the clan was angered by this, and so was the MacEwens. They had shut the lady, her maids, and her five knights who be English born and be of the order of the Knights Templar, the only permitted to go to and from that chamber with all those people, was her manservant. These Knights Templars where in the castle’s cells while their lady was being wronged. They, the Clan Galbraith and Clan MacEwen had made this lady an enemy.”

“My God,” Alan said, “what man would do such a thing, to his wife and one of his kind no less? Scots are cruel spawns of the Devil himself!”

“As I was saying,” Geoffrey continued, “the king goes to her with many men. He would free both clans of those two tyrant lairds and give them to the Lady Harlana. The lady would choose to either to come here to England or to stay in Scotland. If this lady so chooses to come here, to England, then King Richard would take her to Winchester where she will be made his ward and live as a lady of royal blood would. In the year from now, the king will go to the Holy Land on Crusade and if she has not an estate of her own to her liking, then she would come here, to Nottinghamshire to abide in the Nottingham Castle, under the protection of John de Oxford.”











The Highlands, Scotland 1191







Harlana, her knights, and her maids all stood impatiently waiting for James to bring to them Richard the Lionhearted. They heard feet slamming hard against the stone floor, the owner obviously in a fury. The door flew open.

There stood an Englishman dressed in such finery of armor, underneath all of the dried blood upon his hauberk, gauntlets, and helm, one could tell he was king. He stood between two men; James on his right with a smile full of Scottish pride and on his left, Gavin, with a look that told all that he was frightened.

The king turned forcefully upon Gavin and drew out his bloodied sword. Richard the Lionhearted smote off Gavin’s head. Ayne, Bess, and Jane screamed loudly and uncontrollably.

Gregory, Charles, Robert, Richard, and John bowed before their king as he turned. Harlana, who was overcome with much joy, fell to her knees and thanked the king full heartily.

The King of England rose her and said, “My lady, you are free at last of the evil clutches of the Galbraiths and MacEwens.”

“Thank ye, Yer Majesty.”

“Lady, I give you leave to call me by my christened name, Richard. Now, madam, I give you a choice. I have won both clans and castles, and by rite, they are yours to govern as you will. Your choices are to come to England or to stay here, in Scotland.”

“I hate Scotland and its people, the Scots, save these four servants of mine. I wish to go to England.”

“Nothing pleases me more, for I, as a man, and as King of England, will not stand to see you be wronged any more than you have been in this land, not by any man on this world, especially by another Scot.”
Last edited by ashleymae on Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:18 am, edited 2 times in total.
"Together we fight, no matter the price"

-Harlana and Robin, Sweetest Magic




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ashleymae wrote:The Highlands, Scotland 1191[color=#FF0000]wow! Thats a long time ago ;) haha

I dont like the font or font color. It makes it hard to edit in red. Sorry I didnt realize it was in red so my edits are hard to read sorry





A year passed horriblymay sound better if you phrased it 'a horrible year passed' but thats just me for Harlana and Gawaine after what she had done. Her knights had been freed commabut they refused to leave their lady. So then, weredelete were they all confined to her chamber, along with her three maids, Ayne, Bess, and Jane. Her manservantI think its man-servant but I'm not sure, James, was the only permitted to go back and forth from her chamber to the outside world.

The death of the laird had brought much grief to the clan, this greatly concerned Harlana, for was this man not always cruel to these people that worship him?

Gavin had taken up the position of the laird of Clan Galbraith. And this new laird was just as cruel and ruthless as his predecessor, and yet the people loved him, as they had done to Harlana’s commanow deadcomma husband.

After his death, Clan Galbraith, along with Clan MacEwencomma made her an enemy. Her father wanted her head on a pike. Harlana hated them all, the Scots, every single last one of them. There was only five Scots she cared for, her four faithful servants.

This,I don't like the second this but thats just me this further hurt put upon her proved how monstrous all Scots were. Gregory, Charles, Robert, Richard, and James were lucky; they were Englishmen, and to be an Englishwoman was Harlana’s greatest dream evercomma since these knights came to her and she discovered how the English were civilized, honest, truthful, and loyal, unlike the Scots commawho were evil all the way down to their very core. They spend their days harming their woman and people, caught up in their petty little wars with other clans.

She sat next to the window with Sir Gregory, watching the rain from the sky poor pouring unless you mean poor like in no money I don't knowhard to the ground. They all missed to bmissed being, I think you meane outside. She watched James run across the field below from the castle gates to the castle itself.

They all sat in disarray, being confined to such little space, as they were.

They all were on the verge of going mad.

Harlana turned to face the Knight of the Knights Templar besides her. comma not period“Sir Gregory, why do they do this evil to us, pray, tell me what ye think about this matter.”

“They are Scots, my lady, there is no other explanation, save that they are Scots.comma not period” Gregory said this quietly, not wishing to offend the three proud Scot maids in Harlana’s service, but he said it loud enough for Harlana to hear. He did not worry about offending his lady, for he, like all, know of Harlana’s deep burning hatred for Scots. He turned to face her, his always warm blue eyes, now were cold and forbidding. Again he spoke quietly. “Madam, what do you expect from a Scot? They are all no less the spawns of the Devil himself. The whole lot of them are monstrous creatures of the dark.”

“Aye, Sir Gregory, they are, to that I agree full heartily with yerself.” Harlana paused before speaking again, “Sir Gregory, why do ye not openly show yer hatred for these barbaric peoples, as I openly denounce them all no matter what mayhap come of it? Aye, I care not what these evil traitors think or do to me for what I speak.”

“You are a woman full of pride for your beliefs, are you not, my lady? I merely have no wish to cause offense to your maids who you are fond of.comma not period” Gregory turned his attention back to the window. comma not period“No right had he or any Scot had to cause hurt upon you as they did. You are a Scottish woman, a lady, a Scot as they are. I make this promise before the good Jesu, that you will be avenged, my lady.”

“Nay, Sir Gregory, I pride myselfcomma not a Scot. Sir, I openly denounce them, not because I am proud to believe what I do, but because wrong it is to hide my true feelings, although I might get some hurt in the doing. Yer wish to not offend my maids, though they be Scottish, and yerself be English proves how courtly yer lot is and how evil my lot is. Any Scot, be it man, woman, or child, in a second, given the chance, they all would murder yer kind, Sir Gregory. And aye, my lord, shall I, and all those who were wronged by a Scot would be avenged, avenged mayhap by the English, I suppose.”

Suddenly, the door opened and a soaked James stood there. He had a bright smile on his face. He slammed the door shut, and went to kiss Ayne, who was his wife. She pushed him away, for she herself did not want to become soaked.

“News milady, great and merry news, milady!” James could barely breathe or speak.comma not period “Ye and yer lad, Gawaine, milady, and yer knights, and us, will be saved!”

“Of what do ye speak, James?” Harlana asked, curious or you could say 'Harlana asked curiously.' either way is fine. Its up to you.

“The English King, King Richard, has somehow, milady, received word of yer and the lad’s plight. He comes here, to this castle to release ye and the lad Gawaine from these Scottish peoples.”

“Good news, it is, that ye have brought to milady, James!” Bess spoke, herself unable to control her excitement as the rest of them in that small chamber.

“My lady,” Charles said, “get we aid from the most greatest men of all, His Majesty, my King Richard. My lady, the good Jesu has finally wished to help you. He has decided ‘tis time for you, as is it time for the little Master Gawaine to be free of all the evils cast upon you by these spawns of the devil, himself.”

“His Majesty, the king is a true and honest man, as is he a just king unto his people and unto all the many peoples of the world,” John added.

“I trust that ye Knights Templar speak truth,” Harlana spoke to her knights, “acaptial About yer King Richard. Nay, I doubt not, that ye men, true Englishmen and honorable knights speak truth and naught but the truthcomma not period.” She turned to James.comma not period “Pray, tell me, James, do ye know when the good English King Richard shall come to us?”

“Early on the morrows morn, milady.”













Nottinghamshire, England 1191







Robin stood at Marian’s grave. He mourned her a great deal comma, maybe? I'm not sureand uncontrollably. It had been a year since her death commaand he still could not forget her. How could he?

It angered him greatly that John de Oxford, the Sheriff of Nottinghamshirecomma knew that Guy of Gisborne had murdered Marian, but took no action against him. Justice has ceased to be in the world, it seemed to Robin.

“Robin!” The former Earl heard Alan A. Dale, one of Robin’s men and closest friendscomma say.

Robin sighed commaand turned around to face Alan who wascomma a good few feet away from him, “What is it now, Alan?”

“One of the men came back from London with news of the kingI think you capitalize King since its a person like if you say Mom but Im not sure dont quote me on it ;),” Alan said.

Robin had over 100 men posted throughout England to find what they might. Most of them, he did not know who or what they were. Robin entered Sherwood Forest. They walked for at least a good two hours till'til not till till means a farm equipment, I think they came to where a stoutcomma old man stood.

“Robin, this here is Geoffrey.comma not period” Alan saidcomma as he looked around the spot commaof which they stood commato assure themselves that no enemy was near.

“What news do you bring of the good commaKing Richard?” Robin asked.

“King Richard received word of a young Scottish woman, by the name of Harlana Galbraith, I believe, who has been hurt by Scots aplenty. She is daughter to the laird of Clan MacEwen, Edward, and his wife, Kara. She was forced to wed the past laird of Clan Galbraith commawho had greatly harmed her and their son, Gawaine. Last year past, she killed her husband to save her son from being killed by the laird. Her laird was as cruel a Scot as any is, and shockingly, the clan was angered by this, and so was the MacEwens. They had shut the lady, her maids, and her five knights who be English born and be of the order of the Knights Templar, the only permitted to go to and from that chamber with all those people, was her manservant. These Knights Templars where in the castle’s cells while their lady was being wronged. They, the Clan Galbraith and Clan MacEwen had made this lady an enemy.”

“My God,” Alan said, “what man would do such a thing, to his wife and one of his kind no less? Scots are cruel spawns of the Devil himself!”

“As I was saying,” Geoffrey continued, “the king goes to her with many men. He would free both clans of those two tyrant lairds and give them to the Lady Harlana. The lady would choose to either to come here to England or to stay in Scotland. If this lady so chooses to come here, to England, then King Richard would take her to Winchester where she will be made his ward and live as a lady of royal blood would. In the year from now, the king will go to the Holy Land on Crusade and if she has not an estate of her own to her liking, then she would come here, to Nottinghamshire to abide in the Nottingham Castle, under the protection of John de Oxford.”











The Highlands, Scotland 1191







Harlana, her knights, and her maids all stood impatiently waiting for James to bring to them Richard the Lionhearted. They heard feet slamming hard against the stone floor, the owner obviously in a fury. The door flew open.

There stood an Englishman commadressed in such finery of armor, underneath all of the dried blood upon his hauberk, gauntlets, and helm, one could tell he was king. He stood between two men; James on his right with a smile full of Scottish pride and on his left, Gavin, with a look that told all that he was frightened.

The king turned forcefully upon Gavincomma and drew out his bloodied sword. Richard commathe Lionhearted commasmote off Gavin’s head. Ayne, Bess, and Jane screamed loudly and uncontrollably.

Gregory, Charles, Robert, Richard, and John bowed before their king as he turned. Harlana, who was overcome with much joy, fell to her knees commaand thanked the king full heartily.

The King of England rose her and said, “My lady, you are free at last of the evil clutches of the Galbraiths and MacEwens.”

“Thank ye, Yer Majesty.”

“Lady, I give you leave to call me by my christened name, Richard. Now, madam, I give you a choice. I have won both clans and castles, and by rite, they are yours to govern as you will. Your choices are to come to England or to stay here, in Scotland.”

“I hate Scotland and its people, the Scots, save these four servants of mine. I wish to go to England.”

“Nothing pleases me more, for I, as a man, and as King of England, will not stand to see you be wronged any more than you have been in this land, not by any man on this world, especially by another Scot.”
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Overall? Good, although I'm not into fantasy I did like this story. I don't like the different dialect but I get that you HAD to do that. The only mistakes I could find were mechanical ones. And easy to edit ones too! Which is always good. You just need to review the commas the most. If you would take a break or pause use a comma. Especially when you use an appositive. In case you don't know an appositive is when you say like "Shelli, my mom, cooked dinner tonight" My mom would be the appositive. Overall though, very good PM me when you potst more. Again my edits are just suggestions you don't have to follow any of them.
-Jenn <3
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn




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aw this story hurt my scottish feelings! You know, I thought it was the other way around, the english were always hurting the scottish, but every story has two sides. Anyways, your writing is quite good, more commas i think, but everything else is quite good. Im looking forward to reading more, you did you research on that time period. Everything was good! Good job
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But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
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