Opposites Attract

Spoiler

This is just a little poem, that popped into my head. I don't really expect much 'congrats' on it, just had to get it out.

You live, I die
I'm the truth, You're a lie
I warm the world as you remain cold
I live forever as you steadily grow old

I'm fire, You're ice
You're cruel, I'm nice
I'm a sight to behold, a being serene
But you are whisper, someone never seen

I aid the people to help I will
While you grace the Mother Earth with your frozen chill
But one thing I know is this isn't the start
Because what pulls us away, will never remain apart.

I like this one a lot. I don't have any direct criticism, only I would have liked to hear a bit more detail. Why are you falling for her? Etc.

But what is there, is wonderful.

Hope this helps. ^^

Hello!!
Rain here!!
Well, I really liked this! It was really good, the rhyme was great, not really forced at all. The poem flowed really good at the beginning, got a little rock near the end though. It is a really good idea for a poem. You might be able to add to this, add something about how they get pulled together and the result of that. If you do choose to add to this, please let me know when you add to it so I can check it out!

Although, you say at first that "You live, I die"
then you say " I live forever while you grow old"
Thats not really concistant...

~Rain~

Hey. I liked the flow of it. It went smoothly. I liked it a lot. It could have been a little more elaborate and more detail. But overall I liked it, good job!

My first impression of this is pretty... unkind. I found it to be generally awkward: The rhymes are quite run-of-the-mill, the rhythm is off, and I am not sure what to make of the ending. Your title of "Opposites Attract" does not seem to click with the last line completely, even though I think that is what you were trying to achieve:

"Because what pulls us away, will never remain apart." - Here, you say that "what pulls us away" will never remain apart. "What pulls us away" is the subject of the sentence, not the two opposites. I assume you wanted to say something like: "No matter what pulls us away, we'll never remain apart." If that is the case, I would suggest rewording the last line, to better express your intent.

At times, your rhythm is put off by your word choices. Some lines (line 8 and 9) seem to be missing words, or don't make sense.

Bold emphasis: "But you are a whisper, someone never seen"

I am not quite sure what you are saying in line 9: "I aid the people to help I will" It is sort of like saying: "I help the people to help I will" It seems to be some very strange expression of: "I help the people" with a word that rhymes with chill tacked on the end for ease.

Line 10 is another problem. It seems too long, needlessly, and looks (to me) to be there just as a kind of filler. We know already that the other person is ice, we don't really need to hear it again expressed in a different way. I think you should juxtapose the "I help the people" line with a more ruthless, bloody kind of line... using coldness does not seem to work for me here.

I will say that you have quite a consistent poem here, and you have gone to great lengths to keep the rhyme going and the feel/flow steady. It lives up to the title of "Opposites Attract" by maintaining dualism in its images and concepts throughout.

You live, I die
I'm the truth, You're a lie
I warm the world as you remain cold
I live forever as you steadily grow old

I'm fire, You're ice
You're cruel, I'm nice
I'm a sight to behold, a being serene
But you are whisper, someone never seen

I aid the people to help I will
While you grace the Mother Earth with your frozen chill
But one thing I know is this isn't the start
Because what pulls us away, will never remain apart.

I really like this poem. I honestly have nothing to pick at. I like the meter of your poem (I know you probably didn't have a meter in your mind, but when I read it I can hear it). I like the imagery you bring up, it doesn't feel forced. In this poem I just feel everything working together. Another notable thing, I like the last stanza of the poem, especially the last line. It gives me the image of yin and yang, that these two elements breathe inside one another and can't survive if one dies. Overall, it was a good poem. Good job.

wow... I thought it was simple, but elegant. the way you write is incredibly eye catching and the way you rhyme is nothing short of perfect
Georgie x

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer for tonight, like many pointed out I love the dualism of it, it makes it seem innocent, like a young kid first crush, they're arguing but secretly they love each other, but it also gets kinda sing-songy which also works for that respect, but you're never given a clear idea why they like each other, I think you should add one last stanza explaining how they love each other. It seem incomplete without this and my image of it doesn't work without this ending.

Think of it like this you explain why they hate each other but you could make this really good if ya do one stanza like say... can't think of example, it can be done, but in with keeping with rhyme scheme can't do it.

Overall, it has some potential, and it would work in a children book with a new stanza. Sorry this isn't much help, but I abhor rhyming in poetry, except when done right, here it works, but still dislike it.

Hope it helps.