Dear _ _ _ _ _ _

In this poem I used a specific pattern of syllables, so to help the reader understand the pattern, I put the number of syllables in each line at the beginning of each line. I don't count syllables whenever I read poetry, because poetry does not revolve around syllables, so i wanted to make the syllable structure clear.



(4)Your eyes of brown,
(4)Chocolate-y skin,
(5)I’m drowned in your love,
(5)A heart full of pins.

(4)Your intellect,
(4)Thoughts so unique,
(6)Changes my perspective
(6)With every word you speak.

(4)Your sarcasm,
(4)bitter, but cute.
(7)I feel the warmth of your soul.
(7)Trust me, your heart is not mute.

(4)Your frustration,
(4)So tolerant.
(8)The anger towards me is fierce, yet,
(8)Your essence… So benevolent.

(4)Your desire;
(4)Vigorous sex,
(5)Craving aggression;
(5)Conjointly complex.

(6)With every word you speak.

I think you may have miscounted..

Otherwise, it caught my attention; I liked it.

Mr. Everyone wrote:(6)With every word you speak.

I think you may have miscounted..

Otherwise, it caught my attention; I liked it.

I didn't miscount (:

(1)with (2)eve(3)ry (4)word (5)you (6)speak

Thank you for checking, though.

Oh, very unique! Although, very different.... I think that most people understand that when reading a poem, you count the syllables in your head. I thinks it's actually a general thought when you hear the word "poem". I don't want to put you down or anything, beacause I do really love this work of art.
Your comment at the end of you introduction the to piece about the sex, not really needed, I think. If you were a true artist, you'd see past that. I mean serioulsy? Grow up.
I also thought that it was a bit short. You really got into it by the end, then it by the time I knew it, it was over. A little disappointing, but I guess you were aiming for short and sweet, which is always nice to read instead of the endless pages called a novel....
Other than those few words, there's nothing more that I can say that hasn't yet been noticed or payed attention. Really incredible, Kiicoh, marvellous!

Keep it real,
Shanan

Hello there

Nice. Out of all the poems I've reviewed today, this is by far the most honest and creative. I like the unique syllable thing which I think pretty much made the whole poem what it is. I do however have one little advice, which is the overuse of overpowering words in a poem. You know, there is no rule against it or maybe it's my preference, but I have come to notice that poems with a lot of big words, words that show overbearing expressions as a whole in one poem, makes it sort of unrealistic. I don't know if you get me.
None the less, I enjoyed this. Good job

Hey Kiicoh!

Poetry is about art, and art is supposed to be seamless. Art hides the pain and strife that the writer went through to make it, so it's supposed to seem effortless. Having to point out to your readers how many syllables you've used isn't really going to help your reader enjoy the poem much.

Also, in some places the rhyms seem forced, and the rhythm is off, mainly because of the strange syllable count.

It's always a good thing to try out new ideas and techniques, but for me this one didn't really cut it, and if anything it took away from the main poem a little.

Keep at it though

shanan-cat wrote:Oh, very unique! Although, very different.... I think that most people understand that when reading a poem, you count the syllables in your head. I thinks it's actually a general thought when you hear the word "poem". I don't want to put you down or anything, beacause I do really love this work of art.
Your comment at the end of you introduction the to piece about the sex, not really needed, I think. If you were a true artist, you'd see past that. I mean serioulsy? Grow up.
I also thought that it was a bit short. You really got into it by the end, then it by the time I knew it, it was over. A little disappointing, but I guess you were aiming for short and sweet, which is always nice to read instead of the endless pages called a novel....
Other than those few words, there's nothing more that I can say that hasn't yet been noticed or payed attention. Really incredible, Kiicoh, marvellous!

Keep it real,
Shanan

I agree with Shanan. It's kind of unique! I think the piece about the sex is not needed. All of all, I think this is a very good poem.

Keep writing,

Alicia.

The unique way of poetry really brought out a different wave of emotions, I think you should continue with this prose. This is really very good, and I loved the way you described whoever this is about.