The Double Life Chapter 1: The Past and the Present

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I am a normal girl when I look in the mirror, I see a Pranda dress
clad girl with long wavy brunette hair, extra shiny due to a lot of
shine spray. A porcelain white face gone over many times by
make-up artists. I hurl my fancy Christian Louboutin pumps with
force against my mirror and it shatters, That was the biggest lie I
have ever committed. I am NOT normal . I am the complete
opposite of normal. Why me! I mean why not someone more fit
for the spot the fame, the stardom, the spotlight! And my deepest
darkest secret of all I can’t tell anyone. Because if it gets out the
outcome would be unfathomable, terrible, sinister. I am a blood-
sucker other wise known as a VAMPIRE. The raw truth is that I
am a celebrity and a vampire. Glamour and blood pretty much
sums it up! I know epic right? I just go a day at a time. I really
try not to drink from the source . I go on blood bank raids. It’s
pretty easy really. Take a running jump up to the top of the 5
story hospital then go to the sun roof pry it open , jump down
and there you are. You have to control your thirst, turn it off, but
it’s not easy let me tell you! No one really knows me for who I
really am. Oh my mentor, she’s a vampire but she has her own
ideas and I have mine, she is also my publicist and my BFF Zoe.
I live in a mansion , it’s quite prestigious! But the mansion is
really only the crust inside is really a sort of headquarters for
vampires. Yes it’s hard, it’s tuff , my mentor Cassandra always
says “ Melantha this is what you were born to do”. I mean give
me a break! I have no parents . I do but none that I ever knew of.
I was left at the doorstep of Cassandra’s house. She has raised
me fairly. One day I was at the mall singing to myself and got
spotted by a talent agent . My dreams came true , or so I thought.
I made my first album and it sold like wild fire to all ages. I walk
the red carpet regularly , I do concerts to screaming fans it’s
normalcy to me. Then I stared in a few movies and they were
hits. Before all this when I made my choice to follow my dreams
Cassandra made me promise with my blood that I would protect
my secret with my life, so I wouldn’t expose my kind. I will
Have to be going to my first day of ninth grade in a few minutes.
Oh no, it’s not a regular it’s a school for you guessed it
Vampires. I am not a celebrity there. I am a out-cast an
abnormality. I get reminded everyday that I don’t fit in here.
Will I fit in any where? I slam the door of my sleek black
Porsche and look up at the ancient castle filled with secrets. Oh
yes I’m back at Gamorath’s Academy.

Well ,well , well what do we have here? The little nuisance
herself!
It was one of the many bullies. Bullies are in vampire schools
too! He was wearing a band t-shirt and black jeans.

“Get your filthiness away from me ballerina boy.”
Ok I have to admit I can say so pretty out there things but to be
truthful I was frightened! This vampire could and would over
power me any moment.

“Melantha how is everything? Would you like me to walk you to
the doors?”

OMG if there’s anything that makes me blush it’s being rescued
by the hottest, sexiest boy in the whole school! With his sexy
green eyes, his hard muscles, black wavy hair and soulful eyes.

Oh I got it.” I mumbled and ran up the stairs to the door.
Last edited by Writersdomain on Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: no all caps in title, please!




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wow i thought this was really good, you have great characters, you describe them well and show how they feel.i think your plot is going to unfold well and there are hardly any flaws with it.

the only problems were that half way through alot of your scentences were only about six words long so you could do with some connecting words.

JazzyJumppi wrote:Well ,well , well what do we have here? The little nuisance
herself!

here you forgot to put speech marks in.

I also think there were too many exclamation marks which makes it look like your trying too hard to make the scentences exciting.

Where you have wrote OMG would sound a lot better and read more fluently if you spelt it out as oh my god.

thanks :)
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
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Just keep writing, just keep writing, do-do-do-do-do




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This was actually really good. I liked it a lot. You have a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but then again, almost everyone does. Let me know when you post the next part.
Live, Love, Laugh




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This thing you have going on here is not just good, it is AMAZING!

I absolutely loved it!

But, If I might add, the only problem was the quotes. You forgot to put some up frequently.

Also, I got to ask, why is it put to the right as if in poem form?

KEEP WRITING!!
"Together we fight, no matter the price"

-Harlana and Robin, Sweetest Magic




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Thank-]you everyone for the feedback and support! I just have to get enough points then I will post the next chapter!:)




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I have published the other 2 chapters to another cite for young writers, so if you want the link to see them here it is: http://stories.missliterati.com/chapter ... 7d3e00057e It will attomaticoly go to the first chapter so just go to the bottom of the story and say next chapter and so on!:)The only reason I havent published them on here is beacause the points thing I have 85 points almost enough to post the next chapter!Maybe after I post this comment I will have even more!
Heres the link to the picture of Melantha:
http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/im ... -photo.png



There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.
— J.K. Rowling