I, Skinny Girl

Do solemnly swear,
like a black and red Christmas,
cayenne pepper on my
chicken.

Do irrevocably promise,
drown the milkshake in ice,
drown it cold,
teeth-chatter-cold.

Do happily pledge,
don’t you dare sit down,
burn those legs like
drywood.
_____________________________________

I, Skinny Girl, take responsibility for this body.
take responsibility for this mind.

I, Skinny Girl, live,
I, Skinny Girl, die.

You, Good Protector,
do sadly admit
the decisions are mine to make.

This is so sad. I was confused at first, but then I caught on and realized how meaningful this poem is. This poem, has a voice. It speaks to all the young girls who are made fun of in school, or all the girls who have eating problems. It speaks to every girl that didn't think they fit in because of their bodies, because they were too big, or too small. It speaks to girls who cry out for help, who need help because they have an eating disorder. It cries out to me. I don't have an eating disorder, but I used to suffer from one. It is not an easy thing to deal with. It makes you feel worthless, and you try so hard to be something your not. I rose above it, but some girls haven't, this poem could help them. It's inspiring and it brings tears to my eyes thank you for writing this. For giving eating disorders a voice.

Hey there! I'm Sporks and I'll review this today.

To be honest, I really, really love this poem. It's very unique and well done. The pledge is unique, and while I've read plenty of eating disorder poems, this definitely stands out as individual. I don't have any nitpicks, but I'm sure someone will get them if there are any.

Oh wait, I do have one. The random line? I think it's best if you delete it, it doesn't make any sense and doesn't have a true discernible purpose.

Cheers!

Sporks

I think I got gist of this, took reading it fully twice over to get, well hello I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer. This is impressive and yet simplistic, it addresses something horrific in such a way you feel sorry for them. It's ritual like, much like the Lord Prayer but more like a mantra to self, which makes it even more terrifying. You draw us in with the beginning and then slowly a scene emerges and it seems less normal and truly a case to be sad for. It's horrible how someone could be so cruel to themselves in self loathing that they are afraid they'll break their legs if they sit. I also love how she has no name just 'I Skinny girl' it's sickening she can't call herself anything else. It's also like she's standing trial second part and her parents are the judge and jury. And she is so obsessed that she sees no wrong.

Overall: This is a sad piece, not cliché but a truly sad piece. I wanna say it's good, but I feel you tried to hard to preach the point in your case and it doesn't work to full potential.

Hope this helps.

Hello, Isha here.

The first thing I'll say is that I agree with what the others said about loving this poem. The emotion was strong and it was so uniquely written... though, I was confused at first, it does start to make sense the further you read. The pledge was my favourite part, well it was after I read the second bit and it made a bit more sense.

My favourite stanza was this one:

lilchoma wrote:Do irrevocably promise,
drown the milkshake in ice,
drown it cold,
teeth-chatter-cold.

I dont' know why I liked this bit so much, but it really stood out to me for some reason.

Like the others said, it's a sad poem, but in a way, it can be encouraging as well. At least it lets people who go through this sort of thing know that there are people out there who feel the same and who care.

Anyways. Very nice work!

~Ish

I'm torn between really liking this, and finding it entirely contrived.

I like how you've structured the poem. The two sections make sense to me, and I especially like how you've done the first part, with each stanza in parallel structure to the title (er, that didn't quite make sense, did it? How in my head, I read each stanza as beginning with "I, skinny girl" and then proceeding to the stanza itself).

What I'm not so sure on is your execution. Your third stanza I like - your metaphor continues through the entire stanza, and I do not have to really struggle to connect it to the poem as a whole. The first and third, however, I have a much harder time with. I'm not sure how to connect the lines in the first stanza beyond the color of the food link (somewhat tenuous) or the thought that chicken could be eaten as a Christmas meal, and frankly I don't think it's a strong enough tie for it to fly - at least the way I think you're trying to use the images. Using "do solemnly swear" and Christmas I can go with - serious, solemn, etc. as a link - also very empowering. But the chicken? I guess it seems too flippant and awkwardly done to be intentional. I'd rather see you follow on of the metaphors you've already introduced, specifically the Christmas one (in my opinion), than attempt to introduce yet another.

The same goes for the third stanza - though I'm not sure what to make of it at all. I mean, I can see spindly legs with the wooden legs/drywood frail image, but it doesn't connect or follow at all for me within the stanza. Who is the narrator telling to sit down? Why the "do happily pledge" bit before?

Overall, I do like where you're going with this. I love the sense of rhythm you've built in throughout the poem, and I definitely like how you've split everything with the line break and how you have two distinct sections - accusations and affirmations - very nicely done in that. My overall suggestion is to follow all your individual metaphors through more within each stanza,especially as you're tying the entire poem together pretty well from both the rhythmic standpoint as well as the parallel structure of the "I, skinny girl" and "Do XXX" structures.