Forgive me if you deem this as sacrilege or whatever, I really really don't care.
My Encounter With God
They were perhaps the two people I hated the most. Then, they started dating. Quite lulzworthy. One of my friends said his girlfriend had said "Steve's such a bad driver, maybe they'd both died in a car crash." right in front of Steve's girlfriend. She ran out of the class crying. We could not contain our laughter. Nobody liked either of them, and Hell, maybe they knew it. Nobody cared. I said if that happened, it must prove the existence of a just God and that if it did happen (the odds against were astronomical) I'd become the most devout Christian you ever saw. I didn't think it would happen. My atheism would remain intact.* Then, one night, as I sat watching the newest episode of the kick-ass Sym-Bionic Titan, my phone began to ring. It was my friend's girlfriend.
"Isaac?"
"Yo."
"It happened. They're both dead."
As you can imagine, my jaw hit the floor. I damn near dropped my phone, but managed to keep my grip on it. I stammered uncertainly.
"R-really?"
"Yeah. Freak accident...the big bucket on top of the KFC sign fell on their car, crushed 'em both."
Sure, two people had died, but the gigantic KFC bucket had crushed them...that was funny. So what if I'm a cold, heartless bastard? Restraining a giggle, I lifted the phone to my face.
"Well I guess you could say it was a...
...Kentucky Fried Car-crash.
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Isaac!"
She scolded me with that obnoxiously shrill voice of hers.
"That's terrible!"
"Hey now. You're the one who said you wanted them to die in the first place."
I listened to her frustrated stammering on the other end of the line and hung up. Not worth my time. I inhaled softly and then passed out. When I came to, I was surrounded by clouds and pure blue sky.
"Holy shit. I made it to Heaven. Their standards must be low..."
I looked around in awe.
"Not quite, laddy."
That voice...why was it so familiar? I spun on my heel, only to see Sean Connery in a pure white suit talking to me.
"S-Sean Connery? You're God?"
He scoffed.
"Hardly! I'm just taking a form you can understand. If you saw my true form, your head would explode. Literally. Plus, it says on your Facebook page your a Conneryist and think Sean Connery is a God."
I dug my heel into the puffy white cloud on which I stood.
"That was, uh...that was really just a joke. So, uh, why am I here?"
"Because I have something massively important to tell you."
"Yeah, did you have a hand in killing those two?"
He cleared his throat, eyeing me uncertainly.
"In a word....yes. Yes I did."
"You would kill to already devout Christians to make one convert? Maybe Bell was right. Troll God."
"No, no. Not a troll God, you see, it's just...you're the most important person to have ever lived. You're going to kill the Antichrist."
"Aw, sweet!"
He facepalmed.
"That's not something to take pleasure in, laddy. You're going to have to sacrifice yourself."
"Shit. Bring 'em back to life or something. I don't wanna."
He glared at me, and he was quite obviously angry.
"You mean to tell me you'd rather have the two people you hate the most still be alive than be the world's greatest hero ever?"
"Yup."
"What the Hell is wrong with you?"
I placed a hand on his shoulder.
"A lot, Mr. God. A lot."
He shrugged my hand off fiercely and slapped me.
"Listen you! You're gonna save the world whether you like it or not! Now, back to Earth with you!"
And then I was awake, and I hadn't missed a second of my show.
Random idea with a few more entries to come. Next up...My Encounter With Satan
*That's where the true events that inspired this end.
