The Blue Tree

I took that step among the sparkling blades.
They pointed the way, to what is yet unseen.
A serpent shall not take,
Take this away.
There is a secret here that you will never know.
Oh God, you see what I see,
And even more than is possible for me.
I remember how those clouds glowed.

Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Teabal, teabal.

Finally, I came upon the tree.
It's leaves like blue water
Flowing through the rocks.
I longed to lay in it's caressing roots.
What electricity it gave through the air!
Yet, I lay frozen,
Unable to move.

Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Teabal, teabal.

I wept at my weakness.
Why must I wait?
But here I sit until that hour comes.

Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Anaile siesal rialinath lar rialinam.
Teabal, teabal.

Forever.

Hi, nekros. I'm Freak.
I absolutely adore this poem. It makes sense and it is a pleasant story to visualize and, of course, read - like a movie. You did a good job with the imagery and I could feel the sadness when you stated, "I wept at my weakness. Why must I wait? But here I sit until that hour comes...Forever." Very nice.

I could not find any grammar mistakes.

Anyway, write on and PM me for anything.

~Freak

Thanks man, that means alot.

I'm a girl. I don't know if you knew that and was just using "Man" as something else...Heehee.

Hey Nekros, I think this poem is very well written. I love your style, it's effortless and flowing and I want to be in the place your words create... Deep stuff Excellent word choice by the way. Here's a few things:

Finally, I came upon the tree.
It's leaves like blue water
Flowing through the rocks.
I longed to lay in it's caressing roots.
What electricity it gave through the air!
Yet, I lay frozen,
Unable to move.

• Again your word choice is wonderful.

You came upon a tree.... but you lay frozen unable to move. When did this happen? Can you give more of a transition?

I wept at my weakness.
Why must I wait?
But here I sit until that hour comes.

This could just be a language barrier because I have yet to find out what the other stanzas mean but what hour must come? Can you try to incorporate a subtle mention of something that could describe your predicament and make it more clearer to you general audience?


Also, I love the blend of languages, it really intensifies the poem. I'm going to make a ridiculous assertion that the other language is Uzbek. Am I right?

Your ending was vague. But it was very final and I actually enjoyed the abruptness.

Anyway, if anything, try to add more transitions to link your thoughts.
Great poem,

Forever Threnody

Thanks, no it's not Uzbek; it is a conlang. Anyway the predicament is not being able to get close to the tree, as hard as you might try, and waiting for the hope of one day being able to move towards it.

I enjoyed this poem very much. I found it rather insightful, our obsessions at it's best. We long for an understanding of the inevitable question "Why", but tend to never find a real answer and even if an answer is given we tend to avoid the obvious, which clouds our judgment. This then unfolds what I think is the true meaning of your poem. A question that is "frozen". Does this that there is no answer to what you are looking for or at.

Also I would like to know the meaning of the repeated text?

Very close, actually there is a hope for an answer. There are a few things the poem is meant to mean, but generally I like it to be somewhat interpreted by the reader. The text is hard to translate because the language is heavily inflected adding subtle aspects to what is written, but I will give you a rough meaning.


Anaile(You-sentient-singlular) siesal(I-sentient-singular) rialinath (loved-farpast) lar(and) rialinam(love-farfuture).

Teabal(without ceasing-superlative).

It is somewhere along the lines of "You I have loved(far into the past) and will love (far into the future). Without ceasing(emphasis)." Like a lot of languages the tone doesn't translate easily into english.