Spoiler
this is a story i'm working on its about 22 chapters long (not all here, don't worry) please tear it apart if it makes it better, thanks (:
Chapter one
Dear diary
I think, even though he is a mere human, that I love
him. I know that the Archangels will be angry with me as I
was not sent to earth for this purpose, I was sent to find
Fallen and lost ones of our kind as our people are slowly
but surely dying. For all I know I could be the last one, the
last angel forever trapped on earth with nothing but the
comfort of knowing that I tried. But I will not think like
that, I will continue my search, I cannot let my people
die.
Ambriel
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"Just great" She muttered to herself
"Another day of class”
She despised the academy, she truly did. Everyone called
her Amber and made fun of her long blonde white hair,
they had nicknamed her "ghost”. At least she could see
Morte again, he understood her, he listened and he didn't
call her Amber like every other Demon in the school.
She pulled on her clothes, grabbed a bag and walked
out into the cold winter morning. Dead leaves blew into
her face then swirled up into the sky, she looked up and
wondered if they were alright, she hoped the plan would
work so she could go back Home and stop worrying.
The road to the academy was windy and led through a
dark wood. As soon as she approached the academy she
immediately sensed something, it was no angel but she
wasn't frightened either. It came from behind the science
block so her first instinct was to go investigate. As she
neared the scene she was abruptly stopped by the sound
of the five minute bell, "darn!" Ambriel exclaimed just as
her history teacher walked past and barked at her to "get
to lesson."
The rest of the day went by in a blur. As soon as the bell
rang she almost flew out of the classroom to reach the back
of the science block. When she got there nobody was
insight, however when she scanned the ground she found
a single dirty white feather. It curved at the edge and
glowed with a dark light. That could only mean one
thing. It was a feather of the Fallen.
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Dear diary
I must contact the Archangels, I have found evidence of a
Fallen angel. I hope and pray that it is not a completely
evil angel but an angel that did not agree with God's
rules. Some angels are destined to fall, some are born into
it and some are completely and utterly evil. I do not know
what I shall do if it is evil, I am not exactly strong and
have no weapons but I have something no Fallen has, a
mission.
Ambriel
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In Ambriel's class there were only 19 pupils one of
which was Morte. He had dark mysterious eyes, caramel-
brown hair, a pure white face and a painful smile, everyone wanted to get
to know him but no one was good enough.Except Ambriel. She was unusual,
familiar in a way. Not like they had bumped into each other once before.
More like they had known one another a long time, as if they were connected
somehow. But he couldn't talk to her for too long, he would get
angry, lash out and he didn't want to hurt her. He had a
secret deeper than anyone's at the academy and not a
soul could find out. If they did it would be them in great
danger and definitely not the other way round. Ha if it were
he would have a delirious fit of laughter. Or not.
Right now he was watching her, boring his eyes into
the back of her head as the dull English lesson went on
around him. Ambriel wasn't paying much attention to the
lesson either. She was doodling feathers over her English
book and daydreaming of days when heaven was full of
angels. Maybe that would happen one day but not any
time soon.
"Sir?" Ambriel raised her hand "may I go to the, toilet?"
The teacher didn't even turn his head but simply said "yes" and
carried on with the discussion. "Me too sir" chorused
Morte. Mr Devon didn't even say anything this time but he
nodded his head.
"Are you bunking off lessons?" Morte said grinning
mischievously. Ambriel span around.
"No I am not!" She snapped indignantly
"Anyway what are you doing?" Ambriel asked him and smiled
when she realised he couldn't think of anything to say.
“Well I am off somewhere else, business to attend to and
all that, will you join me?" Morte said bowing so low his nose
hovered above the worn carpet. Ambriel blushed.
"why of course your majesty." Ambriel joked, curtsying quickly.
She followed him as they walked through the door to the
dull sports field outside. He led her to the back of the field where a
sturdy log lay against the crumbling brick wall. He
clambered up the wall and held out his hand to her.
“You trust me?” he asked her. Ambriel nodded and grasped his hand.
“then jump.” Morte said as he hauled her over the other side
to a small patch of beautiful plum trees.
"I know it's wonderful isn't it?"
" Mm" Ambriel mumbled meekly.
She took in the green, dewy wet grass, the entwined
flowering trees and the perfect clear blue sky above them.
"Care to picnic?"
Morte said spreading a velvety red cloth across the grass
and producing a hamper full of food
"So where do you come from?" Morte asked Ambriel charmingly.
"well..."
How could Ambriel answer this one? well I come from
heaven, I am here on Earth to save the angels because
they are dying? Somehow Ambriel didn't think that it
would be the right thing to say.
"I come from..., well why don't you guess?"
Ambriel asked playfully.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about, I probably won't
tell you much about my past"
Morte said smiling.
"oh really? Why?"
Ambriel asked curiously.
"just forget it" Morte replied clearly annoyed as he got up
and walked away.
For a while Ambriel just sat there thinking why?, what did
I do? but then she got up too and left, she shouldn't be
here to flirt with boys, it was to save her kind and quite
lately she'd been forgetting that.The search was back
on.well at least it was back on once she had got some
rest, she was exhausted.
As soon as Ambriel got home she didn't want to sleep,
even though she needed to.Her hand was itching for a
pen so she could write down all her feelings, pour her
heart out. so she got up and reached for her diary.
Dear diary
Forget whatever I said about him. I HATE him and that is
a pretty strong word for an angel like me to use. I don't
care about him any more , he was just an obstacle in
my search. I need to find someone, soon.The cure i
need has to be out there. A mistaken Fallen full of true
heart will save all Angel kind. I wouldn’t care about the
fame. I would be overwhelmed that we had been saved
from our unwilling fate.
If one Angel dies all connections die with it. The planets
would be no more, the angels all gone. Which means I
have to find the cure before Eliya dies - the angel with the
most developed condition - that means two months. If I
don’t find it before then we all crumble, including the only
one higher than the Archangels. I wish I could end on a
more positive note but i have nothing further to say.
Ambriel
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I didn't find anything wrong with this piece and I can't wait to read more!! ^-^