I haven't figured out a title yet

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Caden
BEEP BEEP BEEP I hit my alarm clock and opened my eyes to see that it read 4 am. Crawling out of bed, I got up and walked to my desk. The little overhead lamp was still on and the drawing I had been working on all last week was nearly finished. Ava is going to love this, I just know it. The drawing was of us side by side wearing graduation hats and smocks. I quickly added the last bits of detail and smiled at my completed work. Reaching for a sheet protector, I slid the drawing safely inside and placed it next to the picture of us at the fair. "What a gal" I said sleepily while waving my hand around like I was still dreaming. My head was filled with nothing but the word sleep and throbbing for the rest it needed. The clocks bold red numbers flashed 6.30 am and reminded me of how fast my little time before school would come to an end. Another school day and it was midweek. Dammit! I hated when I could just draw and lose track of time. I was already dressed for school and had an hour-thirty to crash. Turning off the lamp, I collapsed back on my bed and slept like I was on some vicious sleep medication.
BEEP BEEP BEEP I hit the alarm clock again and it was 7:25 am. The speakers on the side of my alarm clock blared "Good Morning Sunny San Diego" and I jumped out of bed full of energy. Three days until graduation! I grabbed a pen and marked off another day on the calender above my desk. "Caden, get ready!" my mom shouted before opening the door. She took one look at me and sighed, "what did I tell you about sleeping in your clothes and shoes?" she shook her head and I shrugged. "Mom, you do not know how much time this saves me. I'll be down in a sec." I waved her out and went down the hall to the bathroom. Wetting my hair, I quickly towel dried and fluffed it out into its usual fluffy close cut do. Going back to my room I found my teashade sunglasses on the dresser and put them on. Now to look for that damn backpack I can never keep up with. I searched around my closet and finally came upon the worn leather backpack I'd kept since freshman year. Checking my watch, it was already 7:40. I had until 8:30 before I was late and I didn't need a detention. Ignoring my moms pleas for me to get to breakfast, I put in my earphones and blasted Semi Charmed life by 3rd Eye Blind. Humming, I slid down the banister and danced into the kitchen. My mom broke into a smile and I took a piece of toast from the plate on the table and quickly devoured it. She gestured for me to take out my earphones and I pulled one from ear. "Remember no stressing and your college response is supposed to come today." she kissed my forehead and started to tear up. "Ugh, not now mom." I picked up my skateboard and headed outside.
Ava

Going down the stairs two at a time, the anticipation of graduation churned in my stomach. I slung my backpack over one shoulder and placed my helmet over my head. My dad was still asleep and my mom was already at work, I only had Caden to look forward to in the mornings. I walked out of the front door and locked it before my dog Chester could cry for me not to go. My grey Vespa was sitting in front of the garage waiting for its next venture. I revved it up and took off down the street and to Philips Prep School.
Caden
Skateboarding down the busy sidewalks of San Diego the first rays of sunlight hit my skin like alaser beam and undulled my senses. Dodging pedestrians, I could see the dreaded gates of Philips Prep. A huge sign blazed "No skateboarding on school grounds". I picked up my board and carried it into school. The halls were filled with seniors and the cliques all stood out. Well really only two; the haves and the have nots. I was a part of the have not category and only at the school on financial assistance and scholarship. Snickering from a group of jocks didn't even phase me as I passed them by. I walked to my locker and stuffed my backpack inside.
Ava

Going through the gates of Philip Prep, I pulled into the parking lot and placed my helmet in the storage behind the rear seat. I wonder if Caden is here yet, if I beat him here he owes me a smoothie after school. I silently prayed he wasn't in the building yet, though he will never guess what I scored for this weekend. Walking into the entrance hall and down to my locker, Caden still wasn't there (thank goodness). He was usually here before me, which was very odd but now the chances were in my favor. Opening my locker, I put away my backpack and closed it to find Caden staring at me from my left side with a sad look on his face. "Awww look, who doesn't get a free drink after school." he teased. I punched his shoulder and he laughed. "So hey, did you get that email I sent you yesterday about this weekend?" he looked up at me from his black teashades. "Yeah, but I've got a better plan than just going to some movie." I said rolling my eyes. He looked a little hurt but he didn't know what he was in for. I knew him like the back of my hand and could still remember so clearly when we first met in 8th grade. Ever since then we had become inseparable, but now as graduation neared I feared we would separate as we grew older. I pulled out an envelope and passed it to him to open. He peaked inside and dropped the envelope. His mouth was wide open and nothing came out for awhile; I checked my watch....wait for it!

"HOLY! How did you get those?!" He screamed frantically waving his hands around in excitement.
"I know the manager of the venue pretty well." I shrugged and he hugged me tightly. His uniform didn't even look like a uniform now that I noticed. He could always get away with wearing anything he wanted, but it was probably because he was the smartest guy in our school and gave Philips Prep a high ranking. He wore a black blazer with a smiley face button attached to the front breast pocket and had beige fitted slacks with red high tops. He looked like 80s meets Cadens favorite thrift stores.
Hey guys, this is my first time using switching POV's. What do you think of it? Any suggestions to make it better?




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Sorry I don't have a lot of time to review so I'll just give my first impressions ok?
First off, this was really good! I enjoyed reading it alot. It was detailed and that's something that I really love to see.
Your characters are interesting though Ava at times sounded a little immature for someone graduating high school. I love the bit about Caden's affinity for thrift stores, that tells me something really unique about him.
Your grammar and punctaution are nearly flawless that I could tell from my quick run-over.
The only real problem I had with this is that it's kind of hard to read since a lot of it is written in such large paragraghs. I found myself losing my spot a few times. But that's not a big problem, I do that a lot myself so who am I to talk? ;)
Overall great job!
*daydreamer
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." ~courtesy of one of history's funniest men, Groucho Marx. ^_^




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Thanks so much for the review. Ava is immature? At what points do you reference? I'll try to clear it up because some of the points of Ava's actions has to do with the last week of school ritual (that explains her wanting to beat him to school)




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Hi Angel , I'm here to review your story today . First of all, I liked it! It was really good! I couldn't stop reading but I agree with daydreamer here. You might want to write in smaller paragraph's because this can confuse the reader at times. I see you have no problems with your grammar and spelling. I hope you keep up the good work! Keep writing! :)

~NotSo
I believe we're about to acomplish something amazing <3




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Thanks, how do you think I should break up the paragraphs?



This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot