The Voice In My Head

WOW. That was great. Some of the rhymes might have seemed forced, but it was still awesome. I haven't been here that long, but suicide poems seem to be a trend, and one that I don't particularly like. It's great to see something like thins in contrast to all of the others. Excelent job.

Okay, this was a good poem.

I am not going to say much, because I don't have much to say.

I am going to say, though, that I suggested this poem to my friend, lovethelifeulive.

She once had a thoguht that she should kill herself, because she thought no-one loved her.

I think this poem should be read by those with suicide thoughts, so I absolutely love it.

It is inspiring and I think it would help those in need.

Good work,

CassidyRose

I really really really LOVE this one! How amazing! It speaks a message people of the world need to hear. It's amazing! As a Christian myself, I really like it! Long, but for a message like this, it's worth it. NEVER stop writing! God has givin you a pure talent! I'll be hopping to hear alot more from you!
God bless,
Ruth

Wow. I've never really seen a poem like this, but it's executed very well. You take on a lot of risk when you base a poem off of dialogue, but you seem to have a firm grasp of how to incorporate it while still maintaining a steady rhythm. You even played with some good characterization, which, again, is very difficult to have in a poem.

I don't really know what to say that hasn't been said -- good rhythm, great flow, and a nice eerie feeling to top it all off!

Wow, thank you all for your reviews and feedback! I really appreciate it.

Aah, this one was a long one! But it was really good, and though it started as one of those "doomed to die" poems you managed to sneak in a great message and end it with joy! Great work, I liked it aloot!

Heya, I could write about the grammatical errors and the parts where the words aren't transitioning right, but everybody has done that already for me Anyways, nice poem and I like the theme.

This would be good for a depression workshop; perhaps consider sending it out? All in all, I enjoyed your poem Keep writing!

Hi! is this the first time I reviewed a work of yours? XD I didn't know you are a poet, haha.

Nitpicks:

The demon wailed, “He has a plan!
He’s got a life for you, you foolish man!

“You’re too stuck in the rut called depression
For anything He says to make an impression.

“If only you listened to His voice, not mine,
You’d hear something that’s truly divine!”

- Wow. The demon said something that made sense. xD How ironic.
- Anyway, you should remove the quotation marks before 'You're' and 'If' because the dialogue isn't done yet.

It was a while in coming, and at times I’d hear
A whisper of doubt sounding in my ear

But I finally learned how to block it out,
No matter how loud or clear it might shout

- I think you forgot to put a period after 'ear' and 'shout'.

I was finally rewarded with a quiet voice
Saying, “Well done. You’ve made the right choice.

“You were tempted for some time by a demon of Hell
To end your life, and to sound the knell

“But if you did, you would have missed so much!
I have plans for you: life, wife, and such.

“And, most of all, joy; you would have missed it
If you had listened to that sly demon’s fit.”

- Like what I said in the other nitpick, you should remove the quotation marks before 'But' and 'And'.


Wow. That is an awesome poem! *thumbs up* I love the rhymes. The story is also great, including the moral lesson. And, I think, there's enough imagery here. There's a little bit of lack in the emotion, but since the persona is like an unreal one (or something like that. I forgot to right term. >.<), it's not that big of a problem.

Never stop writing!

Seeing as I can't think of criticism of any kind for this I'll skip right to the good stuff.

I really love this poem. I rarely read long poems online because I'm normally in a hurry. Your poem really caught my eye though, and once I started reading it I didn't want to stop until the end.

Great job! Keep writing!

-Liz

I love this whole thing. Since the others have nitpicked it to death, I'll just say I thought it was amazing. I loved the moral and the story.

Keep Writing!

Kay

Hi Ranger Hawk,
I just have to say I loved this poem. It's the longest poem to keep my attention from the first word to the last. It's very clever. Keep writing!

Hi Ranger!

“No matter that!” it said cheerfully.
“Just hang yourself from a nearby tree.” These two lines don't rhyme as well as the others. . .try finding something to replace cheerfully.

“Draw up the bathtub, fill it to the brim,
Then dunk yourself under and don’t try to swim.” Great line!

“You’re too stuck in the rut called depression
For anything He says to make an impression. I like this stanza!

“If only you listened to His voice, not mine,
You’d hear something that’s truly divine!” This stanza confuses me a bit, why would the Demon tell him to listen to God if he wanted him to come to Hell?

This poem was very good! I love that you threw in the depression bit, because it really ties the whole thing together, and at the end when he's being rewarded for getting through the depression without resorting to suicide, it's a really good message! I also think the inner conflict is really nicely written. I like that the demon was representing the character's depression, or part of him that is telling him to do these awful things to himself. It's fantastic! I hope to read more from you.

~BTM