Abortion

Midsummer dream, in white embracing love
Of her tender arms so soft and mild
Such a face of beauty, she's from above
Her soft temper, her smile drives me wild

Oh what a fool, a fool I've been
Having cast away this treasured thing
Love like diamond, strongest seen
Shattered hope, her voice would sing

She loved this fool, with his faults
Even when he used her love
Locked in his cold hard vaults
Over the edge I did shove

This petal leaf, beauty has known
Fallen to Eden, tree of life
The maker’s hand, he has sown
Beauty made, ended in strife

This be my doing, my wicked way
Judgement coming, and coming soon
The ultimate price I will pay
My child’s death! At mid-noon

Cradle of life, within the womb
But by my hand, my wicked soul
Used the knife to dig the tomb
Colour of life, never been so dull

Now I'm here in tattered tears
Thinking of dreams too true
Whispered silently in my ears
Of the son I never knew

I'm not very good at reviewing poetry but I just have to say that this was gorgeous.

Now I'm here in tattered tears
Thinking of dreams too true
Whispered silently in my ears
Of the son I never knew

The ending was probably my favorite, I loved the use of tattered.
I suppose I wouldn't have known what it was about without the title but I don't think that really matters because it was so... poetic. Loved it!

Wonderful use of emotion; you've really reached a depth that can actually connect with the reader in a powerful way. So great job on that. The rhyming scheme was done really well too. It was subtle and didn't interfere or detract with your words, but it was strong enough to pull everything together.

The end was powerful and poignant; definitely my favorite part of the poem. Overall, really nice job. Sorry for the unhelpful-ness of my review.

-Coral-

RobsterJames wrote:This petal leaf, beauty has known
Fallen to Eden, tree of life
The maker’s hand, he has sown
Beauty made, ended in strife

This be my doing, my wicked way
Judgement coming, and coming soon
The ultimate price I will pay
My child’s death! At mid-noon

Cradle of life, within the womb
But by my hand, my wicked soul
Used the knife to dig the tomb
Colour of life, never been so dull

Now I'm here in tattered tears
Thinking of dreams too true
Whispered silently in my ears
Of the son I never knew

This is a very touchy subject for people. I love how you brought such passion and energy and life into this poem. The part that I have quoted from above is my favorite. I think it ties the poem together so well. This poem doesn't need to change at all. It's very sad but it does happen. This is so beautiful. I can't get over it. You should send it into a publishing company or into a contest, I think you could win. Very nicely done. I am a big fan of this poem.

Good luck and keep writing.
If you have any questions or comments PM me.

-Soggy.

People write about this topic a lot, and honestly it can get overly-emotional and sappy. Yours didn't, and instead it was honest and pure. Personally, I also liked to hear about it from a guy for once. I had one problem with the stanza where you rhyme "love" with "shove," though; this was the one part where the rhyme felt kind of forced. Other than that, though, you used your words really well and it was a great piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver