I have darkness in my veins.

The darkness is like my poison,
no longer bottled up,
I hope to clear the fog,
that has wrapped around my brain,

I have darkness in my veins,
the blackness is what I bleed,
and the poison never settles,
It only warms my cold heart,

I find myself looking away,
from your accusing eyes,
and even though my time keeps slipping,
I'm keeping the poison alive inside,

I can't stop it now,
because I've listened to your lies,
but it only makes my veins bleed faster,
for my heart has stopped beating,

but the darkness inside,
it never rests,
wanting me to be drained,
of hope,
of love,
of faith,
I survive on desperation,

I have only darkness in my veins,
the only thing that lets me sleep,
I poured the poison down my throat,
to take that long, sweet rest,
I've earned it, haven't I?
I believe I have,

Or you wouldn't have lied.

Wow, you have displayed very powerful emotions in this piece, very honest and true ones presented creatively indeed, which is good because honest writing is interesting and believable =)
This piece of writing has flowed well in my eyes, and no grammatical errors etc. Either.

The emotion in this piece...It's incredible. Very easy to understand, clear tone and even though it's rather depressing, the power of the desperation is touching...
I really enjoyed reading this, you have a good flow here. Great job! It also brought a tear to my eye, because I've been to wear this poem is. It's not an easy place to be, you captured it nicely. I liked this.
-Shaard

I really like your writing. I also write dark stuff like this - maybe we have something in common! I liked how your writing flowed and was free of errors (nothing irritates me more than grammatical errors. Nerd.) Well done

Wow! Very nice poem! I could really feel the power behind it! My only suggestion is that for your next poem, don't make it all one big sentence with a bunch of commas. Add some different punctuation like periods or exclamation points. Other than that it was great! Keep writing!!!

This is very good! It's easy to understand (unlike SOME poems -ugh) and the grammar was flawless (to me, anyway). Even though I can't really relate to this poem, I'm sure a lot of people can, and I'm also sure you described this 'darkness' perfectly. Over all, this was awesome, blah, blah, blah, I agree with all the other comments, and stay excellent!
-The Scratch Man

So, this is pretty good! I love the emotion behind it and the stoy of it. Though reading it, a few lines don't really sound right, and you really need to work on puncuation.

My review
Red- Grammar errors
Blue- My suggestions
Purple- Little comments

The darkness is like my poison, I think "a" would sound better here. Saying that it is "a" poison rather then "your" poison my help readers to relate better to this.
no longer bottled up,
I hope to clear the fog,
that has wrapped around my brain, << This should be a period.I don't know why but this lines seems to stick out in my mind as "Not right!" When I read it it seemed to break the flow...

I have darkness in my veins,
the blackness is what I bleed,
and the poison never settles,
It only warms my cold heart, <<Agian needs to be a period...

I find myself looking away,
from your accusing eyes,
and even though my time keeps slipping,
I'm keeping the poison alive inside, << Period!!

I think you should switch these two words.

I can't stop it now,
because I've listened to your lies,
but it only makes my veins bleed faster,
for my heart has stopped beating, << Period!!This line also screams to me "Not right!" I see that you mean for this to say that you have died, but some how it messes up the flow. Maybe you could find another way to say it that wont disterb the flow...

but the darkness inside, Capitolize!
it never rests,
wanting me to be drained,
of hope,
of love,
of faith,
I survive on desperation, << Period!

I have only darkness in my veins,
the only thing that lets me sleep,
I poured the poison down my throat,
to take that long, sweet rest,
I've earned it, haven't I?
I believe I have,

Or you wouldn't have lied.

Good write!

~Rain~

Great job! Very, very emotional, and you pointed out your feelings very well. The only thing that I noticed was this ;D

but it only makes my veins bleed faster,
for my heart has stopped beating,

I didn't quite get how your veins would bleed faster if your heart had stopped beating. Not sure, maybe I should look it up? Probably. Still liked that line though, although it made me scratch my head.

<3

So, you have many reviews, and I will probably just be repeating earlier comments. Anyway, this is a very good piece. I liked the emotion, the feeling, the description, the way you worded this. Seriously, it was great. My problem is all the commas, they were boring. Shake it up! Add some more puntuation, periods, semicolons, dashes, etc. Commas make the whole piece feel a bit boring. So, those are my comments, hopefully I was semi helpful or encouraging or something.