when theres a shooting star.

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One day I'll see a shooting star.
I'l probley wish for something irresponsible, Like A car.
But like they say wishes never get you far.
Life is full of wishes that turn into Irresponisble mistakes,
because a wish Is all it Takes.
Your whole world can change.
You might find yourself looking for something to rearange,
Just know It's not worth your sarrow,
Your heart is always what you should Fallow,
So stop listening to your mind.
For your answer you will never find.




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One day I'll see a shooting star.
I'l probley wish for something irresponsible, Like A car. Probably
But like they say wishes never get you far.
Life is full of wishes that turn into Irresponisble mistakes, Why's irresponsible capitalized?
because a wish Is all it Takes. And this. Why are these words capitalized?
Your whole world can change.
You might find yourself looking for something to rearange, Rearrange
Just know It's not worth your sarrow, Okay, not a word.
Your heart is always what you should Fallow, Spelled wrong...
So stop listening to your mind.
For your answer you will never find.


Okay, I'll be honest when I say I'm not a huge fan of this poem. It's not that it isn't good, it's just not really anything different. I think a lot of your problem is that you're being held back by the rhyme scheme (and a pretty weak one at that). Anywho, I think it is a good concept to toy with. See where it brings you; keep tweaking and you could have a pretty good piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Heyy,
This poem is alright, but it could use alot of work, take note of all the mispellings marked by StoryWeaver13 as poor grammer can turn off readers in an instant. You could also try and use more descriptions and try more complex ideas next time. Keep writing though! I'm sure you'll get better :D
-rainbowbubblex




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It seems to be a little forced, considering the rhyming. The concept is interesting and could become something worth while. Keep writing. Also the editing done above is a good start.



"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery