The dream Hunter and The Hood

This is # 2 and 3 of my Wood series:) link to first: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?t=71539
The Dream Hunter


His cloak is dark as the night.
His skin is as pale as insipid.
In his hands he holds the staff of Night and Darkness,
And around him swirls mist hiding his footsteps from us.


His friends are the merry wanders of the night.
They frolic and play, but inside they are as wicked as he.


He controls Midnight beasties,
Like children to him are they.
They haunt our dreams and lace tales of fear and spite.



If we could find him,
We could save ourselves from those fears of slumber,
And enter our Dreams with certainty again.


Beware the Dream Hunter.






The Hood



The girl in the black hood,
Her black hair,
Her violet eyes
Her pale skin.

She charms her way into the hearts of all who enter the wood.

With her gorgeous smile,
Twinkling eyes,
Bewitching hood.


Who knows what goes on behind those eyes?
Who knows why she walks through the wood?
Only talking to the ones who she entrances.


The one in the hood,
The mysteries she holds,
So many have tried to solve the secrets in her mind,
But only we can.
You and me.
Together.

We can solve the mystery of The Hood if we dare.

Spoiler

PLEASE REVIEW!

Flower here as requested. I am so sorry about how late I am. I have been very busy.

The Dream Hunter


His cloak is dark as the night. I think this line seems a bit awkward. I think you should put as dark as the night.
His skin is as pale as insipid. I like the word insipid, but it means something other than you put it to mean. It means bland and flavorless. So should it not be and insipid?
In his hands he holds the staff of Night and Darkness,
And around him swirls mist hiding his footsteps from us. I like the imagery.


His friends are the merry wanders of the night.
They frolic and play, but inside they are as wicked as he. Who are these people?


He controls Midnight beasties,
Like children to him are they. I would reword this.
They haunt our dreams and lace tales of fear and spite. But what are they?



If we could find him,
We could save ourselves from those fears of slumber, I didn't get this. I mean you jumpted so something all new.
And enter our Dreams with certainty again.


Beware the Dream Hunter.






The Hood



The girl in the black hood,
Her black hair,
Her violet eyes
Her pale skin. [b]You used such boring words to describe her. In the other poem you gave such colorful words and this isn't colorful at all.

She charms her way into the hearts of all who enter the wood.

With her gorgeous smile,
Twinkling eyes,
Bewitching hood. [b]Shouldn't there be an and here.

Who knows what goes on behind those eyes?
Who knows why she walks through the wood?
Only talking to the ones who she entrances. [b]Who does she enchant?

The one in the hood,
The mysteries she holds,
So many have tried to solve the secrets in her mind,
But only we can.
You and me.
Together. [b]Why can we solve her secret?

Ok, so you don't tell much of a story here. I loved the very first one you posted, but these just drag. They have very little color and imagery. I think this could be so much better. I think you tried to hard to make it calm. You also had a few breaks in the flow. I did like it, but it could be so much better.

Sorry I am so late.

-Flow-

I like these. It's a lot different from the typical poetry in that you're describing an imaginary figure, and that's a refreshing change of pace.

I agree with a lot of Flower's points, especially the one about insipid. You used adjective to describe another adjective, which means that neither described anything.

Overall, the Dream Hunter is better done than the Hood. The Dream Hunter has some good imagery, but The Hood just drags on (particularly the fourth stanza).

Hi Drama! I saw the first one, and decided I would read them all. I like the first one especially; it reminds me of a character I made, and has the same eeriness. I like how you relate him to night and talk about his control over the night beasts.
The second one starts out good, talking about her and what she does. But, why does she enchant them? Just wondering, maybe we aren't supposed to know. And, as the past reviewers say, how can we solve her mystery? Other than that, great poems. Keep writing!