Sleep

My eyes open then close
I toss and turn trying to escape
Then all at one its over
I am away from the world

Then I enter my world of dreams
Some of them safe ones
With a million smiling faces
As of nothing ever happened
I feel myself joining them

Then there are the dangerous ones
Where everything crumbles and falls apart
Where no one smiles
Their faces are grim
Their eyes have no light
And even though I am somwhere else
I can feel myself getting colder

Then I leave my world
And face this one
Where things are both safe and dangerous
All at the same time

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! If you need any help with anything, just drop me or any other green-ling a PM!

So, this was really fun to read. It was cute and adorable, and vague. However, it seems to be vague in a good way. It allows me to relate my own personal experiences in with what you're saying, and think while I'm actually reading the poem.

Quotes 'N' Comments

Some of them safe ones

Then there are the dangerous ones

These two quotes have one thing in common: they summarize the lines to come before they even happen. You might as well just delete the lines that follow if you are going to add these two in here. Instead of telling us what is going on, paint a picture for us of these good and bad dreams. Use words like 'nightmare' or 'happy' to describe the contrast between these dreams. The way it is now is a bit boring.

Story

Your poem reminds me of a story I was going to write about a girl who vanishes into her own dream world. Anyways, what I don't understand is that you went in a full circle, except the circle kind of turns into a crescent because you skip something and go right back to the beginning. In the first and second stanzas you say that you have escaped into the dream world, okay that's fine. Then in the last stanza you go on to say that you are now leaving your dream world. You can see why I would be confused by this. Choose one. I think that having your speaker enter the dream at the end is good because you could just have the beginning be the speaker thinking about what they might encounter in their dream. But this your poem, do it the way you want to, just fix the little crescent thingy, or explain why you did it more thoughtfully in your poem.

Theme

As I said before, I really like this. I think that you have addressed a good theme. Now, the only thing I have to say is that no message is really conveyed here. It's just a poem about a girl talking about her dreams, but she really doesn't give an opinion on it. She says that they are safe and dangerous, but we already know that as human beings that have dreams. What you need to do now is come to some sort of conclusion about how you feel about these dreams, and then I think your idea and poem will be complete.

Keep writing,

Classy

Hi River,
I think your poem has loads of potential, I love the story, and I love a lot of the imagery as well.
You can take this or leave it, but one thing I'd say is leave out the word 'then', in the first stanza it works really well, and fits in there. However in the other uses, it is at the beginning of the lines and I don't think this works so well. It doesn't need to be there at all. The beginning of the poem, and the ending are flawless as far as I'm concerned.
The flow is great, and I love the simplicity of it, you're telling a story everyone can relate to.

Welcome to YWS, river! I'll be your reviewer for today (: First of all we'll have to work on your use of punctuation and capitalization. You don't need to capitalize everything in a poem unless you have punctuation and it makes sense.

River wrote:My eyes open then close#FF0000 ">,
I toss and turn trying to escape#FF0000 ">.
Then all at one its over-#FF0000 ">once
I am away from the world #FF0000 ">.

Then I enter my world of dreams#FF0000 ">.
Some of them safe ones#FF0040 ">,
With a million smiling faces #FF0000 ">lower case the W in this.
As of nothing ever happened #FF0000 ">As of-do you mean 'as if?'
I feel myself joining them#FF0040 ">.

Then there are the dangerous ones.
Where everything crumbles and falls apart.
Where no one smiles,
Their faces are grim,
Their eyes have no light #FF0000 ">and their eyes have no light.I'd make this line a conjunction with an 'and'
And even though I am somwhere else#FF0000 ">.
I can feel myself getting colder #FF0000 ">..... Let your reader (my self in this case) feel like you're leading them on the the grand ending of your poem.

Then I leave my world,
And face this one.
Where things are both safe and dangerous,
All at the same time.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. Nicely done. If you have any questions just PM me. Keep writing!

Would like to just point out that it is totally ok to capitalise in a poem, if you want to