Complications of the Heart

What i like about this song is that just by reading it I devoleped this tune in my head, and I can just picture every girl singing it in their cars jamming to it on the radio. Good? Yes very much so. However its not like that cutesy little catchy song. Its like real feelings, good? oooh yeah.

My suggestion would be to fix the last paragraph. It's your concluding verse, and it has to be memorable. The things you remember in a song is: First the Chorus, the the beggining/ending, and then the hook.
It's just that simple. Your last verse is good, but the second line is what got me off. Say what? Your'e talking about leaving and if he says he will...ummmm?
ALSO:
Your rhyming is pretty much all over the place, if you have a steady beat you need a steady Line/Rhyme ratio.

Your verse first has LRRL,
then you have LLRR

It doesnt have to be a constant but with songs most good songs have that steady rhyming.

PM me if this doesnt make sense. Take care&Keep writing.
-Haley

SO so so beautiful.I loved it. I can relate to this poem. Something similar happened to me . Its very good. I dont think I would want you to change anything.

I really liked it! Like what was already said ^^^ it has a good rhythm to it which makes it easy to imagine the melody or at least parts of the tune.

I want you to push right back at me
I wanna see you need me real badly

The repetition here, of what you want, works quite well and re-establishes the point.
I could really feel the emotions in the lyrics so nice work and keep it up xXx

Hi. I think this song is VERY very good. I thought that it needed a bit more work on the rhythm but other than that it was quite a explaning, easy to understand song. Just a bit of patching and it could be top of the charts material.

Good luck-Keep writing

JJxVoodo

By the way I have only just joined and I posted my first chapter of my novel for school the other day. I was hoping that you would be interested.

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Hi there!

I liked this. It seemed very real, like it hit home with you. That's always a good sign. I liked this because it seemed so real, and none of the rhymes seemed cheesy or out of place.

Overall, this was really very good. You are such a talented song writer! Please, keep writing songs!