A battle won

[Ok so I know this poem isn't the best but please be nice, and if you do have something negative to say please adress it nicely(: thankks.i][/i]


She was young, he was old.
She always did everything she was told.
She knew the truth behind her bruises
She knew it was him who started the abuses
She didn't cry out the first time the belt hit her back
She tried to hold back tears, her voice began to crack
She knew it was wrong of him to hit her like he did
He knew that the girl he was hurting was only a kid
So she went to school day after day
People would ask, but she was to afraid to say
She would get home and dread what the night held
But one night it hurt so bad that she finally yelled
The neighbors heard and sent the cops over
The man became mad and grabbed the girl by her shoulder
He carried her down to the kitchen, to end her life
She screamed as he quickly snatched up the knife
He raised the knife above her head
If the cops didnt hurry they would soon find her dead
She closed her eyes and began to scream
Then the police broke in and intruppted the scene
The tackled the man and saved her life
She began to cry as he dropped the knife
Her fighting was over, it was finally done
The girl was safe
Her battle won

Hii (: Here to review
Well, I must say, this poem is very beautiful. I felt really sad as the narrator talked about the bruises and how the girl didn't tell anyone and, when at last the cops saved her, I literally gave a huge sigh of relief!
Nothing much wrong, just tiny winy mistakes:

interrupp there is no p, just a double rted

If the cops didnt hurry they would soon find her dead

Somehow, I found this bit kind of halting. It kind of stops the reader - or me - in a sharp way and I think you can do better here by improvising.
All in all, I loved this! Well done & keep writing!

Hii (: Here to review
Well, I must say, this poem is very beautiful. I felt really sad as the narrator talked about the bruises and how the girl didn't tell anyone and, when at last the cops saved her, I literally gave a huge sigh of relief!
Nothing much wrong, just tiny winy mistakes:

interrupp there is no p, just a double rted

If the cops didnt hurry they would soon find her dead

Somehow, I found this bit kind of halting. It kind of stops the reader - or me - in a sharp way and I think you can do better here by improvising.
All in all, I loved this! Well done & keep writing!

Spelling mistake;

The tackled the man and saved her life

Only fault I could find. Really well done.

Rememberme,

I love the poem, because you managed to find a way to incorporate a lot of feeling and emotion, while making it rhyme. I just wanted to know what inspiration you got for writing the poem. <--- That wasn't part of the review just a question. Other than that it was a wonderful poem.

-lilgreendots <3