Why?

From the day that I met you
Until the day that I die
My love for you
Goes deeper
And never goes blind.

The smile I showed you
And the laughter I let slip
Were authentic and true
And I never did fib.

You said you didn't believe me
You said you didn't want to try
My heart once full of love and happiness
Now full of heartbreak and lies

I thought I could talk to you
And tell you everything new
The things that hurt me
The things that make me wanna cry
You made me feel better
And just wanna be by your side

You said you would never hurt me
You said you would never try
But I guess that was all a lie
Because you hurt me
More then anyone has tried
I just wanna die

You left me
Erased me from your mind
You thought I could move on
But to tell you the truth
I tried!

You made me so happy
You never made me cry
But now
All I am wondering
Is why?

Hello Colie, Here for a quick review!

Impression:
The poem flowed quite well. It was about a topic that many can relate to and you did a good job executing that. The poem has potential.

From the day that I met you
Until the day that I die
My love for you
Goes deeper
And never goes blind.

I have to say I absolutely loved that. It was the perfect way to start the poem. It got my attention I'll assure you that. Although you did a good job at actually writing down the feelings of the MC, I'm sure you can try to put more emotion behind it. Make the reader sympathize more for your MC, because right now it's kind of just like , "Aw, her hearts broken" .You have to make the reader want to rip the wrong doers heart out . Also you didn't really use punctuation. I know at the beginging you had a period here and there, but you actually have to add commas where they belong. Here's an example :

You said you didn't believe me .
You said you didn't want to try . - One more thing here this is actually a bit confusing. What did he not want to try?-
My heart once full of love and happiness ,
Now full of heartbreak and lies

The bit of rhyming the poem had didn't take away from the poem, but it wasn't completely necessary either.
Hope you'll use my correction when and if you edit this. It'll be such an amazing piece if you do (: -Imaginemymind!

colie18 wrote:From the day that I met you
Until the day that I die
My love for you
Goes deeper
And never goes blind. How does this happen, why does this happen? You're telling us this, not showing us, you should try some sort of action or simile / metaphor to help this.

The smile I showed you
And the laughter I let slip
Were authentic and true
And I never did fib. What did the smile you showed do? What did the laughter do? It was real, cool, but what does that mean? How does that help get across your point? You truely had a crush on them from the beginning? You could just say that in one line and then delet all the extra. It's okay to say things subtly, but not when it takes the entire stanza, like here. Authentic and true and never fibbed are all the same thing, do you need to repeat yourself three times? Poetry can be like an essay, everything is working toward that big idea while also supporting your ideas.

You said you didn't believe me Right here implies what the last stanza' idea. Your love / crush was real.
You said you didn't want to try
My heart once full of love and happiness This also hints to what is above.
Now full of heartbreak and lies It's boring here too. You're not showing over telling how this happens. Make some connections / relations to the real world. Saying something like: Your words are a divorce, my heart is broken water main. Something to show how this affects you or gives us a better idea of how this happens.

I thought I could talk to you
And tell you everything new
The things that hurt me
The things that make me wanna cry
You made me feel better
And just wanna be by your side This seems out of order with the stanzas above. You're talking first about how he rejects you, then you move to how you love them. This is how things would be for the reaction of this poem's subject. But how are we supposed to relate to reactions? How can we have the same reactions as you do to this? We can't from your reaction, we need to know what made you have this reaction. Like what are the things that make you cry or hurt you? And aren't those the same thing?

You said you would never hurt me If you thought you could trust him, it's safe to assume that you thought that they'd never hurt you / they've said it.
You said you would never try
But I guess that was all a lie
Because you hurt me
More then anyone has tried
I just wanna die How did they hurt you? How did this affect you besides wanting to die? There's not a lot to connect with. Hurt can be called blank description, it truely tells us nothing.

You left me
Erased me from your mind
You thought I could move on
But to tell you the truth Refer to other comments.
I tried!

You made me so happy
You never made me cry Happy is also blank description, what is happy?
But now
All I am wondering
Is why?

Why what? Why did this happen? Or why did you let this happen(you might not have but that's another side of that line.)

Over all:
Rhyme, it's not really needed. And it might even govern your poem so much that it ruins it.

I think you need to show how this happens with the actions that made you think these things. This seems moreso like your reaction to what happened, I'm sorry but that is boring. We need to see those actions so we can have our own reactions.

Also, you need to use some more similes and metaphors / personification or whatever poetic device that you feel you can use best to help get your ideas across.
Being direct is boring, there's nothing for us to think about or figure out. Those help to make your poem good.

Good luck,keep writing.
PM me with any concerns;
Silented1.

Please don't take this too offensively, but I've seen this all before.
I know this kind of thing is popular and I also know why. People (especially young adults/teens) can really relate to it, which is good. Unfortunately, everybody writes things just like this. Also, your rhyme scheme was weak and wishy-washy, and to be honest I didn't get the emotion off of it. But obviously this is just my opinion.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver