My Love Song! (Not what think)

Well, this just came completly out of the blue... I LOVE IT!!! What do you think??? Didn't edit at all, wrote it in like, 10 mins...

Hello my loves.

My rainbow,
after a storm.

My sunshine,
from behind a cloud.

My lollipop,
after dinner.

My bare feet,
on hot sand.

My bare skin,
wet by salty waves.

My teddy bear,
sitting on my bed.

My sunset,
after a bad day.

My sunrise,
after a good night.

My favorite song,
turned up really loud.

My purple PJs,
with little hearts.

My hot shower,
after a cold night.

My shorts and tank top,
on a hot florida day.

Hello life’s simple joys,
oh how I love you.



~11-2-10~

Interesting and cute, and quite simple.
I like it.

This is pretty freaking awesome for a 10 minute poem dear! I love it! There were a couple of lines I would leave out though.
Hello my love.

My rainbow,
after a storm.

My sunshine,
from behind a cloud.

My lollipop,
after dinner.

My bare feet,
on hot sand.

My bare skin,
wet by salty waves. I don't really like this stanze.

My teddy bear,
sitting on my bed.

My sunset,
after a bad day.

My sunrise,
after a good night.

My favorite song,
turned up really loud.

My purple PJs,
with little hearts.

My hot shower,
after a cold night.

My shorts and tank top,
on a hot florida day. I don't really like this line either for some reason.

Hello life’s simple joys,
oh how I love you. Love how you tied it up.



~11-2-10~[/quote]

You know I havn't read anything happy in some time, and you just made my night. Just the simplest things tied together, and you made a wonderful poem. I can't wait to read more of your work.

-Flow-

Aw, this is such a sweet little poem! The one thing I might change is, I might say "loves" ath the beginning, since you use the plural noun "joys" at the end. But it was really great, I like all the stanzas, especially this one:

"My purple PJs,
with little hearts."

Adorable.