Brooklyn Bridge falls

Hi! My name is James Harrison. I am a twelve year-old student on my way to a new foster family. I have belonged to about fifteen family's. Some could say I'm a trouble student. Anyway, back to the story. I was crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my long journey to my temporary family. Most of my homes have been in the green, rolling hills of the middle states. I especially loved Idaho. There was plenty of potatoes. However, This was way different from the back country. Tall, unending gray skyscrapers rose around me as I entered New York city.

I looked around for a cab. Eventually I found one with an Islamic driver. His name was Ahmed some-thing or other. Not that I cared. So on the way there we crossed countless gray streets. It was fun to window shop every time we got stuck in traffic. When I got out of the cab I noticed Ahmed was following me...

Hi, this is a good start. There's not much to say because it's so short. Next time wait until you've written the whole story before posting it for a review. You'll get a lot more out of it and it's more interesting to read. It's a good start though, keep it up

kyleb06 wrote:Hi! My name is James Harrison. I am a twelve year-old student on my way to a new foster family. I have belonged to about fifteen family's (families). Some could say I'm a trouble (troubled)student. Anyway, back to the story. I was crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my long journey to my temporary family. Most of my homes have been in the green, rolling hills of the middle states. I especially loved Idaho. There was (were)plenty of potatoes. However,(this) This was way different from the back country. Tall, unending gray skyscrapers rose around me as I entered New York city.

I looked around for a cab. Eventually I found one with an Islamic driver. His name was Ahmed some-thing or other. Not that I cared. So on the way there we crossed countless gray streets. It was fun to window shop every time we got stuck in traffic. When I got out of the cab I noticed Ahmed was following me...

Please write more. I want to read about the Brooklyn Bridge falling, and I want to see more of Ahmed. He's my favourite character of the two.... I love the way the main charrie is really sarcastic - I can see where that came from. xD I'm kidding. But chyeah, this is pretty cool even though it's short, but being short isn't always a bad thing for a story.
Can't wait for Part 2. o3o

You have great writing potential like it a lot !You should try publishing! Check out mine it’s called
The Double Life!